GoteeMan

First & Last

2010-12-15T15:52:00.004-05:00

Hehe.... I just realized today that my last blogging entry was January 10, 2010... nearly a year ago... funny how the time flies. I guess I am overdue for a reflection.

This year has been one of mixed blessings - watching my boys grow stronger and grow up... now 11 and 14, soon to be 12 and 15. Just a few years ago, I held them in my arms, swaddling them up in little blankets to come home and begin our lives together... and now they are QUITE independent and wonderful. I couldn't be more proud of them. They are absolutely awesome young men. They never cease to amaze me with their wisdom, boldness and faithfulness. They have become so responsible.

We added a new family member this year... a cairn terrier pup, Ziva... she has been a true blessing and a wonderful addition... She keeps me company on what would be some very lonely evenings, and is always a spirit-lifter...

The harder part of this year has been the continuation of my wife's illness. I've seen her in so much pain and suffering - it's truly heartbreaking to see someone who used to be so active and smile to much to now struggle so much. Disability, neurological and neuro-motor illnesses take a huge toll on a person, and on a family. I'm thankful for the changes in me for the better - chipping away at stubbornness, impatience and unloveliness, leaving me a better man for it...

but it's been difficult. With each year, I find myself more peaceful, yet more heartsick. Hope deferred has done this to me. Still awaiting the "promise fulfilled" part of this deal.

So as we embark on 2011, a new year... once again, I renew my hope. Hope for a new finding, solution or cure. Hope for relief for my wife. Hope for finding new depths of peacefulness and love and loving kindness.

And so, I wish each of you a wonderful holiday and a blessed new beginning in the new year.

Snow!

2010-01-09T04:24:00.007-05:00

Well, it's like this... 2 inches of snow in Tennessee + a little warmer + a lot colder = a recipe for disaster... that was the ticket on Thursday afternoon here... Nice and cold! 15-30 degrees this week, and roads have been fun...
so, being the funloving guy I am, I dragged out the bigger go-cart and hit the street, having more fun than a tornado in a Tennessee trailer park...
the growling rumble of the engine... the fog of exhaust in the air... and I was off and running...
this thing'll do about 35-40, and has seat belts and a roll cage...
Took it down the street and spun out in the cul-de-sac, did some donuts and back up the street... knobbies grabbing ice, snow and whatever else they could find...
and I'm suddenly 15 again, flying like my hair is on fire, until I realize how freaking cold my nose and face are getting (my chin and lip are, of course, warm... because I am still the Gotee-man!)...
so I lasted all of about 45 minutes before I headed back for warmer regions (namely, my domicile)... and I realize once again that I am actually not 15, but rather 41... and still lovin' it!

Doesn't take much to bring out the boy in this man...
and I never want to lose that!

The reason for the cobwebs....

2009-04-09T00:01:00.003-05:00

Well, I have been leading a crazy life, and have just had too much to do to keep up with it all... so my blog has cobwebs on it fer sher...

Too many hours overtime the past few weeks... too many issues here at home...
and I just haven't had the energy or time to do much else besides the very very essential (and even some of that falls off the plate sometimes as well! NOT good...)

So anyway, just dropping a line to say I haven't forgotten... and I will be back at some point. Glad to find the ones of you I have on Facebook. That's been a cool and easy and more personal way to keep up...

Very thankful for my friends, ITRW & Virtual...

Blessings!
J

Toot Tone...

2009-03-08T03:56:00.001-05:00

Georgia Wife...

2009-02-18T10:48:00.000-05:00

THE GEORGIA WIFE:

Three men were sitting together bragging about how they had given their new wives duties.

The first man had married a woman from Ohio and had told her that she was going to do the dishes and house cleaning. It took a couple of days, but on the third day he came home to see a clean house and dishes washed and put away.

The second man had married a woman from Illinois. He had given his wife orders that she was to do all the cleaning, dishes, and the cooking. The first day he didn't see any results but the next day he saw it was better. By the third day, he saw his house was clean the dishes were done, and there was a huge dinner on the table.

The third man had married a beautiful girl from Georgia. He told her that her duties were to keep the house cleaned, dishes washed, lawn mowed, laundry washed, and hot meals on the table for every meal.

He said the first day he didn't see anything, the second day he didn't see anything, but by the third day some of the swelling had gone down and he could see a little out of his left eye---enough to fix himself a sandwich and load the dishwasher.

Man Brain / Woman Brain

2009-02-08T09:54:00.001-05:00

Enjoy!

J/

"I KNOW MY RIGHTS!!!"

2009-02-05T08:27:00.000-05:00

Sad Day...

2009-01-31T21:16:00.003-05:00

I learned day before yesterday that a longtime friend from High School days that I had been looking for over the past few years died in August... and it has me thinking...
I have been thinking about the many people who have impacted my life over the 40 years I have lived so far. So many have helped to shape the man I am today, and for that, I am grateful. I am richer for having known each one. For some time now, I have been looking for many of them, to tell them just how much they meant and mean to me, and what a difference they made in my life, just through the way they treated me, the things they said and did, and the example they lived. As time passes, more and more of them will have passed on.

I pray that I do not miss another opportunity.

Missy, I would love to be able to tell you how very special and precious you will always be to my heart. During the most awkward and difficult and lonely time in my life, you were a true friend. I looked for you to tell you, but by the time I found your sister, it was too late. I am so sorry for the suffering that marked the end of your life, and for your passing at such a young age. I carry you and your memory in my heart and am richer for having known you. Rest well, dear sister, and I look forward to seeing you again after this life.

J.

What I've Learned...

2009-01-29T12:45:00.003-05:00

They're written by Andy Rooney, a man who has the gift of saying so much with so few words. Enjoy.......

I've learned.... That the best classroom in the world is at the feet of an elderly person.

I've learned.... That when you're in love, it shows.

I've learned.... That just one person saying to me, 'You've made my day!' makes my day.

I've learned.... That having a child fall asleep in your arms is one of the most peaceful feelings in the world.

I've learned.... That being kind is more important than being right.

I've learned.... That you should never say no to a gift from a child.

I've learned.... That I can always pray for someone when I don't have the strength to help him in some other way.

I've learned.... That no matter how serious your life requires you to be, everyone needs a friend to act goofy with.

I've learned.... That sometimes all a person needs is a hand to hold and a heart to understand.

I've learned.... That simple walks with my father around the block on summer nights when I was a child did wonders for me as an adult.

I've learned.... That life is like a roll of toilet paper. The closer it gets to the end, the faster it goes.

I've learned.... That we should be glad God doesn't give us everything we ask for.

I've learned.... That money doesn't buy class.

I've learned.... That it's those small daily happenings that make life so spectacular.

I've learned... That under everyone's hard shell is someone who wants to be appreciated and loved.

I've learned.... That to ignore the facts does not change the facts.

I 've learned.... That when you plan to get even with someone, you are only letting that person continue to hurt you.

I've learned.... That love, not time, heals all wounds.

I've learned.... That the easiest way for me to grow as a person is to surround myself with people smarter than I am.

I've learned... That everyone you meet deserves to be greeted with a smile.

I've learned..... That no one is perfect until you fall in love with them.

I've learned... That life is tough, but I'm tougher.

I've learned.... That opportunities are never lost, someone will take the ones you miss.

I've learned.... That when you harbor bitterness, happiness will dock elsewhere.

I've learned.... That I wish I could have told my Mom that I love her one more time before she passed away.

I've learned.... That one should keep his words both soft and tender, because tomorrow he may have to eat them.

I've learned.... That a smile is an inexpensive way to improve your looks.

I've learned.... That when your newly born grandchild holds your little finger in his little fist, that you're hooked for life.

I've learned.... That everyone wants to live on top of the mountain, but all the happiness and growth occurs while you're climbing it.

I've learned.... That the less time I have to work with, the more things I get done.

What People Will Remember...

2009-01-22T12:47:00.002-05:00

"People will forget what you say, people will forget what you do, but people will always remember how you made them feel." ~ Maya Angelou

Merry Christmas & Happy New Year...

2008-12-24T19:00:00.003-05:00

Merry Christmas & Happy New Year to all my friends...

Wishing you joy beyond measure,
Love unconditional,
Blessings beyond your wildest dreams
Comfort beyond comprehension...

I've been taking some time off to enjoy my family, since I have been off work and our boys have been home from school. I will begin blogging more in January...
Wish you all the best...

J/

Can We Span the Great Divide?

2008-12-05T11:18:00.001-05:00

So many issues divide....

Lifestyle Prejudices
Religious/Spiritual Views & Beliefs
Political Views & Beliefs
Racial Prejudices (by all races... this is not a single race issue)
Gender Bias
Sexual Orientation
Class/Income Prejudices
Arrogance
Bigotry
Intolerance
Misunderstanding
Judging Others
Superiority
Hate

Our culture has evolved in many ways, making incredible advances in medicine, technology, discovery, and so much more.... but have we paid a price? Can we span the great divide(s) in our nation? I hope so.

I am encouraged in many ways by the outcome of our recent election, and yet, in the shadow of that election, I see deep polarization and division in response to it, as well as in the days that led up to it. On one hand, I saw friends cross their tradition (some religious, some racial, some political)... and in other cases, I observed very blatant and racist responses. I believe that to progress as a nation, we first progress as individuals... replacing ignorance with experience, and replacing prejudices and intolerance with compassion and acceptance.

Your thoughts?

/J

Fall in Tennessee

2008-11-21T10:43:00.004-05:00

For Freaky Friday, I thought I'd post some fall pics from Tennessee....

Enjoy!

J/

Back from the Big Apple, and Tired to the Core...

2008-11-18T01:23:00.005-05:00

We had a fabulous time with our dear friend Michael... He's not changed a bit - in spite of his worldwide success as a famous tenor (opera). His voice is incredible, and he's still the same amazing person we both remember... yet, even more so...

The trip up was difficult, as K had a seizure on the plane (sometimes happens with recirculated air, the altitude changes, etc.), but once we got there and got her settled in to rest for a bit, and back on oxygen (thanks to a portable concentrator), she felt alot better. We both enjoyed very much catching up with Michael, as it had been almost 20 years since we had seen him last... so much time passes so quickly.

Being back in the city was very refreshing for me. The energy and the flavor of the people are always a wonderful change. We were talking to a server in Pete's Tavern, who nailed it - she said, "People here are kind, but not polite... they are direct, and narcissistic, like 'I got mine, go get yours'... but they are kind". And, I might add, misunderstood by those who aren't used to the directness (thankfully, we are very used to it)... and then on the way back to the apartment on the upper west side, we see a lady with her arms loaded, pushing a baby in a stroller, who, without knowing it, drops a glove on the sidewalk... and before we get to where she is, another lady, a jogger, pauses her jog to pickup the glove, runs back to the lady with the baby, and hands it back to her... "Thanks" she replies... "No problem" says the jogger, and goes back to running...
Efficient and kind... and on about her business... I love this city...

Around the city, people hold doors for us, offer to help... it's refreshing, and very helpful. The doormen at the apartment building see us coming and open the doors, then head to get the ramp, so that we can bridge the two steps up to the elevator landing - all without being asked. Restaurant service is incredible, and attentive to every detail. Owners, chefs, servers and everyone are accomdating and helpful, assisting us with working around getting in and out of the places, dietary concerns, and so much more.

We got to meet friends of friends who are now seeing one of our doctors, as the husband was recently diagnosed with the same condition K has... it was so good to meet them face to face there at the office, after having shared so much via e-mail... precious people. Enjoyed meeting them very much.

So then we fly back to Atlanta on Friday... and I can tell a difference the minute we hit the Atlanta airport... For those of you who have never been there, Hartsfield-Jackson International Airport is huge, and all hustle and bustle, especially on a Friday afternoon. Our flight had been delayed a total of an hour and a half, so instead of 2:41pm, we arrived at like 4:15pm, and then head to baggage claim. Since we are dealing with a wheelchair, we have to use elevators instead of escalators, so we get to the elevator, and are behind two airport employees, one of whom turns to us, and with a snotty tone, informs us that they "have to take the elevator to the bottom floor, so you (we) have to wait for it to come back up before you (we) can use it"...
so much for service, hunh?

The last time we were there on the last trip, an employee of the airport tied up the family bathroom for 20 minutes, so that she could talk to "Kenisha" on her cell phone and give her the latest lowdown... No joke, I could overhear the whole conversation, so I knocked on the door 2 times in that 20 minutes, calm, yet frustrated, but very patient... family bathrooms are nice when travelling with a spouse in a wheelchair, or with kids...
so, then when she comes out, she gives me all that attitude and more, when she knows she's supposed to be working and not talking on the phone... and no flush and clean water tells me she was just tying up the bathroom, and not utilizing it to it's potential...
so yeah, I can tell a difference... it's like heading south means trading service for self-centered arrogance and attitude when it comes to those in service roles, sometimes... thankfully, though, some people remain kind and considerate... we are blessed wherever we go to be able to cross paths with wonderful people.

Friday night, we got to catch up with two great friends from college, Wade & Linda, and their kids. We had a blast, and really enjoyed seeing them as well. About 45 minutes after we connected with them, K's parents arrived with our boys (they had been staying with them for much of this week - THANKS!), so we had a great reunion and a wonderful time. I am so thankful for my inlaws... they are so wonderful, and I love them very much. We have a great family. K's brother and sister in law wanted the boys to spend the night with them on Saturday night, so we connected and made that happen, and then on Sunday, when we started home, they made it so easy for us, by meeting us near the interstate, so that we could pick them up with no detour at all. Like I said, we have a great family, and they have been so very supportive and kind and giving toward us during the most difficult days yet....
We are very thankful for our friends and family...

Sorry if I am rambling - alot of thoughts in my head, and a long past 2 weeks or so...
Wanted to post while my thoughts were all fresh...
Life has been so busy, I haven't been able to blog much lately, but will be back on track soon...

Bless you, our friends...

J/

A Letter from a friend and veteran....

2008-11-05T10:39:00.005-05:00

With his permission, I am sharing this letter that I received from my friend today, who is a Veteran and a terrific all-around guy... I believe his words are very important for us to hear today...

Dear Friends -
Last night was truly a historic night for America and the world because no matter which side of the isle you stake your claim, WE as Americans elected OUR first African American president. I have been all over the south and stopped at many old cemeteries to see the decaying tombstones of civil war soldiers, Union and Confederate. These boys fought for a cause that few of them could truly understand but fought they did when the call came for them to serve their country. Many would say that some were on the wrong side of the war but we can not argue with service, especially when it extracts the highest cost. In many of those isolated cemeteries you will find tombstones with no name, rank or identification. It is beneath these unidentifiable graves where the greatness of America is best exhibited in the commitment of young men to a cause greater than themselves. The true cost of the Civil War will never be known but historians can document well over 500,000 deaths as a result of combat but the real cost in lives changed forever is closer to 750,000 people. The cost of this one war is greater than the cost of all of our other wars combined. Racial differences have always been a difficult topic for Americans to confront and move beyond.

In many parts of Europe lie the tombstones of young men who paid the supreme cost of freedom and found their final resting place on shores that were not their own. They died fighting for a cause the results of which they would never appreciate. It is on nights like this that I remember my father and all the men and women who served in World War II when the freedom of our nation was really at stake. I still have pictures of my father giving his food rations to French children that his unit had just liberated from the hands of the Germans. WE should all celebrate the victory of OUR country today as WE elected OUR first African American president, but most of all we should all bow our heads in honor of those who have fought and died so that all Americans could have the privilege of casting a vote in a free country.

Last night we witnessed a Tsunami of Americans under the age of 30 casting votes for an African American president. This great tidal surge began with the ultimate sacrifice paid by those young boys over a century ago who died for slaves who received only 3/5th representation in our nation’s past. It was on the backs of these slaves and through their sheer strength that the economy of the south was carried for many years. African Americans suffered greatly during the civil war and it was through the courage of a white President Lincoln that the nation was saved from destruction and he paid the ultimate cost for his courage, but the wave of change continued. It was when Barack Obama was but a six year old boy, that John McCain continued this wave of change by paying a heavy cost for freedom as a POW for a time that bridged the gap from Obama’s childhood to adolescence. John McCain’s sacrifice for freedom was given for all of us including the young man who would one day defeat him in a race for the presidency of the country that McCain had sworn to defend with his very own life.

The election of OUR first African American President is historic for all Americans because it is the culmination of the sacrifices of so many for the benefit of so few who have actually been able to ride the wave of change to the shore. Greatness always requires unrecognized sacrifice. As we all celebrate the power of the American Republic and our democratic process, let us not forget the millions of people of all races who shouldered the unstoppable wave of change we now celebrate. Many of these people never got to see this wave reach the shore and appreciate a dream fulfilled. Martin Luther King Jr. on the eve of his assassination said “I’ve seen the Promised Land. I may not get there with you. But I want you to know tonight, that we as a people, will get to the Promised Land”. Throughout history great movements of God have been borne on the shoulders of millions of unnamed individuals who saw a vision and were willing to put a cause above their own desires, safety and even their own lives. Yes WE as Americans elected OUR first African American President and he arrives on the crest of the wave buoyed by great people both known and unknown throughout our country’s history.

Just remember that the pleasure and pain centers of the brain are very close together so no matter whether you are celebrating or mourning today, just remember we are all closer together than we might realize. The truest American ideals are much bigger than any political party and require a great sacrifice by so many. So enjoy the sweet taste of victory or be consoled in your disappointment but remember that the commitments we hold dear bind us closer than the differences that separate us. I will always treasure friendships and family far more than political affiliation. When I took my oath in the US Army I made a commitment to protect and defend our great country with my very life. I was and still would gladly die for your right and the right of all Americans to cast their vote, even for people and ideas that I do not support (this has nothing to do with Barack Obama's skin tone)! The essence of a great country is when the men and women can disagree and yet serve a cause greater than ourselves.

I am proud to call you a friend and proud to be an American!
Your Friend, Jeff Lee
US Army Veteran, owner of 3 perfect scores on the Army PT test (thanks Coach Davis ha ha), Son of a World War II Veteran and most importantly, Proud American

Secrets to a happy marriage (what NOT to say to your wife)...

2008-11-01T08:56:00.004-05:00

Refreshing

2008-10-30T10:18:00.005-05:00

Weary from the long days
The difficult days
Dry in my Spirit
Soul on toward empty

Desert days
Walking sometimes aimlessly
Numb, unaware
Sometimes wanting to die

And then I see
before my eyes
A beautiful sight
just in time

An oasis in my desert
flowing with fresh water
Drenching and refreshing
deep within

Stagnant waters
now moving
Stirring and cleansing
washing away

Restarting the springs
of living waters
A wellspring of life
flowing through me

Newfound peace
Extravagant rest
Finding You
or did You find me?

Filling and fulfilling
Invigorating and thrilling
Bringing near dead
back to fully alive

Strength returning
Clarity and wisdom
Exquisite friendship
Abiding love

J/ (c) 2008

A Love That Remains...

2008-10-26T23:02:00.004-05:00

For K...

Twenty third of November
Ninteen hundred ninety-one
So many dreams ahead
So naive, in love and young

We exchanged our vows
never to be undone
We committed to each other
and two became one

Honeymoon in Steamboat Springs
A beautiful place
Skiing, snowmobiling, horseback riding
Watching your beautiful, smiling face

Enjoying time together
beginning a new life
Joined for a lifetime
as man and wife

Gradual adjustments
learning each other
So thankful we're together
Wonderful partner and mother

We have always shared
everything we have
Including pain and sorrow
tender love and laughter

Through miscarriages and loss
welcome and unwelcome changes
Yet today, closer than ever
My lover and best friend

As I said on that day
For better for worse
In sickness and in health
Til our days come to a close

Faithfully, I hold fast
Committed to you
Three cords bind us together
forever, it's true

I suffer when you suffer
and share in your pain
Your laughter, contagious
I am forever changed

You are the one
who had made my life
It's my pleasure to serve you
my best friend and wife

Seventeen years now together
and we've barely begun
It seems only yesterday
since the births of our sons

And as every year passes
even ones that are rough
I wouldn't trade what we have
Always more than enough

I look forward to days
that are brighter, and yet
The past six years
I will never forget

How our love became purer
and stronger each day
In the hardest of times
we're still able to say

I am glad to be with you
and you here with me
There's no other place
that I'd rather be

Than right here beside you
where I belong
Immersing each other
in a love pure and strong

Forged in the fires
of each challenge we've faced
Etched in our memories
that can never be erased

We now see much clearer
since the clouds rolled away
Words, insufficient,
Impossible to say

Just how deeply I love you
On this you can depend
I will remain here beside you
My very best friend

J/ (c) 2008

Breakthrough!

2008-10-20T10:42:00.007-05:00

Slow down
and take a breath
I know it's hard
but try to rest

The gears all spinning
inside your head
Life hasn't dealt you
what you'd expect

Longing for
a simple touch
Sometimes it feels
like way too much

Responsibility owned
Feeling alone
Soul so heavy
it's too much to carry

Pushing through
the hardest part
Resist the urge
to harden your heart

It will not last forever
though it sometimes feels it could
You are not forgotten
it's all working for your good

Standing there
before a wall
And in your mind
it seems so tall

Too tall to climb
you know it's true
The only way
is to push straight through

So break on through
to the other side
You've come too far
to be denied

Push on through
that paper wall
It a facade
and no wall at all

Looks like a wall
Actually a door
And once you open it
You'll see much more

On the other side
you'll find
Freedom, love
and peace of mind

You're expected
so come on in
I'm waiting here
for you, my friend

J/ (C) 2008

The Transformation

2008-10-18T23:20:00.004-05:00

Day breaks
Barely awake
Not enough sleep
Must rise and go

Busy people
Several requests
Many demands
Everyone needs something

Some are different
Coming to give
Rather than to take
Very welcome

Lightening the load
Brightening the outlook
Sharing the burden
Very welcome

Roller coaster ride
Ups go high
Lows go deep
Emotional wreck

Must get back
Peace is calling
Looking for me
Persistently

At days end
All are fed
All is done
Exhaustion realized

Lie down
Asleep instantly
Breathing deeply
Resting

Another day breaks
Challenges come
What would have overtaken
No longer overwhelming

Settled into the quiet place
No struggling
Only resting
Transformation well underway

Having tasted
Peace realized
Beyond comprehension
Nothing else will satisfy

J/ 2008 (C)

Last 2 Debates: Palin Biden SNL & Obama McCain SNL

2008-10-17T13:08:00.002-05:00

The Path

2008-10-15T10:12:00.004-05:00

Unsure
losing my footing
Gaining speed
toward the unknown future

Yet
somehow
Resting
Peaceful

Some approach
with sympathy
Others
with compassion

Still others
do not see
Perhaps
do not want to see

Could it be
a new symptom?
Invisibility?
Not likely

Have we so conditioned our hearts
to avoid the uncomfortable?
So much so that now
we convince ourselves we do not see?

And yet
in the most unlikely of places
In the busy, rushing city
A stranger approaches

He offers to hold a door
or steady a wheelchair
or assist in any way
that we would welcome

While in other places
more expected places
another unthinkingly - carelessly
drops a door on us

Long after these days
of difficulty are past
may we never forget
how to see, how to love

Compassion
coming from unexpected places
Provision
from friends we have yet to meet

Some sharing bread
others sharing themselves
Their time, treasure
Love immeasurable

Near or far
Reaching out with what each one has
The sum of the whole
so much more than the parts

Brothers, sisters
families filled with compassion
Moved - no compelled - to intervene
on our behalf

Gratitude beyond expression
Appreciation beyond words
Humbling and needy
Laying down pride, to receive

Entering into
a new place of brokenness
Old and new wounds
bound for healing

Thankful for experiences
that we would never wish on another
For this is OUR story
our path, and our life...

(c) J/ 2008

Your Existence Gives Me Hope

2008-10-11T01:11:00.005-05:00

For Kim, Susan, Noel, Jane, and all who are suffering.... and for those who suffer with them...

So many people
hurrying around
seeking something
chasing something

So much busy-ness
so much rushing
passing people by
so unaware

Sometimes running each other over
sometimes just running past
such a fast paced world
so many important things to do

One message
one phone call
one test result, event or realization
and it all comes to a screeching halt

Time stands still
seconds become as hours
Eternity in time
devastating

It all comes into perspective
what is important
what is not
what life is really about

It is really about the people
it's about families
friends and relationships
people we love

My heart sinks
I grieve the loss of peace
which I know you must feel
from knowing

The fear and dread
grasping at your life
The disease and treatment
both ravaging your body

Many offering to help
Sincere and available
Others offering solutions
devoid of truth

Confusion and frustration
Unclear paths
So much noise all around
Stillness nowhere to be found

I fall to my knees
crying out on your behalf
for healing, wisdom, release
peace, grace, mercy, strength

How can it be?
Why has this happened?
Why to such beautiful souls and families?
To those so full of life and love?

So many times I have complained
Often discontented
So overwhelmed by circumstances
Lost in difficulty and self

My understanding incomplete
Injustice clearly seen
Suffering you have not deserved
Pain so very real

And yet, in such circumstances
Your presence of mind is amazing
Your concern for those around you
Surpassing concern for yourself

Your beauty is unsurpassed
Shining rays of hope and love from your eyes
So graceful in your suffering
In the midst of pain and loss

There is a fellowship of suffering
Like being a member of a group you never wanted to join
And yet, have come to know real strength and beauty
as a result of being included

There is a joy and strength and life
There is hope inescapable
There is comfort in knowing you are not alone
solace and momentary release

Whether healing be here or there
it shall surely come to us all
Between now and then
let us cherish each moment we have together

Sharing the joys and pains
as we laugh and cry together
Hearts heavy, yet full of peace
Fully accepting and loving each other

Remembering the best of times
Sharing the stories that make us laugh
Revisiting the inside jokes only we understand
Relishing the treasure inside each others' hearts

For this journey is but a moment in time
and life is but a breath
Let us keep perspective of what matters
and what does not

J/ (C) 2008

Say what you want, but I am loving Facebook...

2008-10-08T11:13:00.003-05:00

You may love it, hate it or just ignore it, but I love it...

I moved around ALOT between birth and college, and there are folks from many different times in my life I wanted to get back in touch with. Holy crap! Facebook has been like Classmates on steriods. 223 friends in about 3 - 4 weeks now... from all the way back to elementary school...

School friends, work friends, college friends, now friends, blog friends... dang, y'all... it's been crazy... I have it setup to notify my phone when I get a message or update, which means I can respond by mobile... I'm likin' it... Even had dinner with a couple of old friends that I reconnected with who now live closeby. Dang, y'all... did I say I'm lovin' it?

J/

Free at Last!

2008-10-06T18:20:00.002-05:00

Free at last, free at last
Thank God, Almighty
I'm free at last...

I am officially "UNBURIED"...
Breathing again, writing songs again, and living life again...
So, What did I miss?????

J/

Buried Alive...

2008-09-30T19:34:00.003-05:00

Just a Girl asked me today if I am still alive...

Yeah, I am. This week's work, home and life have, however, pretty much buried me...

I will post again soon... I am just dealing with alot at the moment...

Thanks for dropping in, and for all of your encouragement and support...

Blessings & peace to you and yours...

J/

"If You Want Me To" by Ginny Owens

2008-09-20T16:44:00.003-05:00

Yes, I will walk through the valley if you want me to

This song has meant much more to me ever since we were able to fully surrender...
Before that, I hated it... Now, I find comfort in it... resting...

If You Want me To

by Ginny Owens

The pathway is broken
And The signs are unclear
And I don't know the reason why You brought me here
But just because You love me the way that You do
I'm gonna walk through the valley
If You want me to

Chorus:
Cause I'm not who I was
When I took my first step
And I'm clinging to the promise You're not through with me yet
so if all of these trials bring me closer to you
Then I will walk through the fire
If You want me to

It may not be the way I would have chosen
When you lead me through a world that's not my home
But You never said it would be easy
You only said I'd never go alone

ya oh oh no

So When the whole world turns against me
And I'm all by myself
And I can't hear You answer my cries for help
I'll remember the suffering that Your love put You through
And I walk through the darkness If You want me to

cause When I cross over Jordan, I'm gonna sing, gonna shout
Gonna look into your eyes and see you never let me down
So take me on the pathway that leads me home to you
And I will walk through the valley if you want me to

SNL - Palin & Clinton

2008-09-14T22:02:00.001-05:00

I'd like to say thanks... and recognize some others....

2008-09-13T09:06:00.007-05:00

I received this award on September 11th from
Jen at Unglazed
Jen, Thanks very much...

and I'd like to also give it to some of the bloggers I enjoy the most...
Big Pissy at Southern Circle of Hell
BP, you are soulful and hilarious...
Oh, the Joys! at Oh, the Joys!
Girl, you got a way with words that is incredible... and a wit that just won't stop...
Kel at Cafe Kel
Your transparency and honesty are quite amazing... and your encouragement is a blessing...
and of course the Queen at Queen of the Mayhem
What can I say? You're amazing...

So y'all give em some love.....

Connected...

2008-09-06T00:18:00.003-05:00

I have three really best friends... We are connected. A very strong, unbreakable bond exists, and we did not create it. We accepted and welcomed it...

The first is my wife... she is amazing. Even with all of the pain, disability, suffering and loss she experiences so much of the time - she never ceases to amaze me with her positive outlook, determination and hope. She is my very best and closest friend. She brings out the very best in me, although at times, our circumstances have brought out the very worst. She has offered more love, forgiveness, acceptance, grace and understanding than anyone I know. We share so many inside jokes, movie lines and laughs. She is the very best.

The second is my friend - who I will call William, because it is one of his names, and it says so much - Will I Am... He is closer than a brother to me. When I am with him, I am never self-conscious. I am myself at my truest and best. He is one of the very few most trustworthy, accepting and encouraging people I have ever known. We laugh together, cry together, know each other very well, find ways to make time to get together for any reason or no reason at all, or call or text or whatever... if either of us goes a few days without contacting the other, the other one reaches out. He has taught me patience, understanding, peacefulness, resting, healing from deep wounds... he is like salt and light in my life, and we are completely open with each other.

The third is his wife. She is an amazing, graceful, peaceful, insightful, encouraging, positive, kind, gentle, radical, incredible, sometimes firey and always powerful (spiritually) person. Their love for each other and for us has changed us deeply forever. Being able to observe their marriage has encouraged, even provoked, us to move into the same type of deep, everlasting, accepting relationship.

The best of all is when the four of us are able to all get together and talk. Sometimes it's just a hilarious time - laughter, joy, peace, fun - sometimes off color and "irreverant", if there were such a thing... Other times, we have prayed together, shared visions and dreams, shared problems and burdens, supported and loved each other. What Daddy created in these relationships is unlike anything any of us have ever known. Our commitment and loyalty to each other is a bedrock foundation, in the common rock of our Daddy God. We are in keeping relationships with each other - and we encourage and support each other as we all grow, while still keeping us young and pliable -teachable, as children.

As you read this, I pray that you know or will know relationships like this in your own life. May the Lord bring to you those who He intends be in your life. May all resistance and obstacles be removed, and may you be kept in perfect relationship by the love of our Father, as these relationships are inseparably bound to Him as well, in a many stranded cord, strong and unbreakable, true and authentic, safe and secure - Connected...

J/

The Gift.... and a new song...

2008-08-27T10:31:00.006-05:00

There is a gift which I believe can only be given from one man to another. This gift was designed to be passed down from father to son, from one man to one becoming a man. This gift is more valuable and powerful than gold or fame. This gift alone can prepare and enable a young man to be the man he was intended to be.

Somewhere along the way, sometimes the gift is lost, and the transfer does not occur - perhaps because the father does not realize what the gift is, and its importance, or perhaps the father cannot give what he has never received nor possessed. Perhaps tension and distance between the father and son, or absence of the father, have made the giving of the gift impossible.

Yet, sometimes in these circumstances, another man is sent - one who understands and appreciates the gift, and values the young man. He invests his time and energy into making sure the gift is received and is securely held by the young man, for he understands that without the gift, the young man will never be the man he was intended to be, and his destiny will be aborted.

What might this gift be? The gift is the understanding and confidence to know that he has all that he needs within him to be the man he was created to be - he lacks nothing... you see, it takes a man to know a man... to be able to see within him the man he is to become and to reach in and begin to pull it out, so that the young man can see... and then the blessing of this gift having been given to him, can turn to approach his future, his life, and everything in it, as a man - no longer a boy, now strong and wild at heart, whole and free from wounds and the past, set free to know that he can succeed, that he is accepted and loved by one who welcomes him heartily into the brotherhood of Men... he has been given the gift of manhood - the title of "Man" has been bestowed and imprinted on his life, and he is forever changed.

And he heads bravely, head held high, into his future, giving the gift to those who he encounters along the way who have yet to receive it. Confident in his identity, he invests and risks, extending the strong hand of fellowship and love, to bring yet another young man into the brotherhood. Fathers, let us be such men, giving this gift to our sons. Brothers, let us extend the gift to those who have not yet been so fortunate to receive it by their own father's hand, and let us all remember that there is one great Father, who is father of us all...

The Gift...

Day by day, I watch you
I see the choices that you make
The things you make priority
and the paths you choose to take

I'm affected by your passion
and infected by your joy
You'll never know the impression you made
on me since I was just a boy

You were there at key transitions
And as I grew from boy to man
Someone was watching us
It was all part of His plan

You were there for me, accepting
Seeing the man that I would be
When no one else took the time
You shared your life with me

As we rowed across the water
and we talked for hours on end
You listened and you shared with me
and became my closest friend

As we walked through the forest
each sharing from our heart
Your words brought clarity and healing
to my life, in every part

You were always there for me
in the moments in my youth
When the choices mattered most
when I needed to hear the truth

And you invested deep in me
giving me the gift of time
Even when your life was busy
you would be a part of mine

So I thank you, my friend and father
though I was not born to you
You've impacted me so deeply
through the things you chose to do

I've taken your example
and invested in those I see
I have loved and accepted
In the same way you cared for me

I appreciate it more now
how you prepared me to be a man
And I sense that He is very pleased
It was all part of His plan

So perhaps the gift of manhood
is only passed from man to man
And each of us who receives it
should take the time to understand

That we bear a wonderful burden
to take the gift we have and share
Passing it on to generations
Letting them know how much we care

Giving confidence that they possess
everything that they will need
To be the man they were made to be
to be fully prepared to succeed

As one who was given this gift through you
I want to express my joy
For you showed me how to look and see
the man within this boy

(C) JAD, 2008.

For Ritchie Mullen, with eternal gratitude...

Breaking Through

2008-08-24T12:29:00.003-05:00

I wrote this song this morning, reflecting on my process... and the picture I get of it... like a baby bird developing and slowly breaking through the shell out into the world... if he does not go through this process, he will not be strong enough to survive, and will die... I am thankful for my process, because I have been made strong through it...

Breaking Through

Quietly, I hear it
A tapping in my Soul
A longing to break free
and be made whole

Slowly getting louder now
I know it won't be long
Til my spirit breaks free
and I am made strong

In my weakness Your strength is perfect
In my stumbling You are there
In my loneliness, I hear You
and I feel Your loving care

I'm breaking through
to be who You made me to be
All because of You
I'm starting to see

I can see the light
breaking through the dark
Shining deep within
Illuminating every part

Never more alone
only set apart
Given a new mind
to join my new heart

I'm breaking through
to be who You made me to be
All because of You
I'm starting to see

Help me to see
Help me to be
All that I am
All that I am to be

I'm breaking through
Breaking through to see
I'm breaking through
Breaking through to be

I'm breaking through
Breaking through to me -
the real me
The me I was always meant to be

(c) JAD, 2008

Writing again...

2008-08-21T20:26:00.006-05:00

The Invasion of Realization

In the stillness of the moment
as I sit here, all alone
When so much that I had hoped for
and dreamed of seems so gone

When each moment seems a lifetime
full of so much grief and pain
and the days all run together
it seems they're all the same

And then I see You there beside me
coming close, to share my pain
Then You flood my heart with hope and joy
as You softly speak my name

I feel Your breath so warm upon me
melting all my fears away
and I find myself without the words
I so much want to say

How can I express
what You've done to me?
Through Your tenderness
I now can see
that You've been here, all the while
loving me, Your broken child
and I know that I can never be the same

(C) 2008, JAD

J/

You've shared all those other intimate moments...

2008-08-20T00:11:00.002-05:00

Before playing the video, you may want to stop the music playlist by hitting pause on the player at the bottom of the page, so that you can hear the audio...

Gettin Enuf FIBER? Posted for my friend, Anglophile Football Fanatic...

2008-08-17T16:07:00.006-05:00

This one is posted for my friend, Anglophile Football Fanatic... as requested...

Enjoy!

Mommie's Little Helper - What Parents Need Whose Kids Haven't Gone Back to School Yet

2008-08-14T07:25:00.005-05:00

Posted for my friend Carrie (linked to title)... as well as O, the Joys, Queen of the Mayhem and my other favorite bloggers who occasionally just need a little extra help with the kids...

Definitely CRACKED, I am...

2008-08-13T22:27:00.005-05:00

I think I must be definitely cracked... or getting really close... long days, short nights, not sleeping much, and then they had to go and start school back up, which means I rise at 5:45am... well, let's be honest, "rising" is an overstatement... more like I pour myself over the footboard of the bed and onto the hardwood floor... there isn't any excitement or enthusiasm there... just the kind of "time to make the donuts", got to get going or the truency cops will be knocking down my door...

Well, successful launch on day 1 of school... All downhill from here, I suppose. Kids are riding the bus this year for the first time, which means I don't have to drive 30 mins each way, which is a blessing and a half. They are happy as clams now that the unknown is over with... They are loving it - both of them have several friends on the bus, and they get there nice and early and they have noticed Daddy is stress free when he arrives at the bus stop to pick them up - YAY for us all!!!

Back to the subject - I am definitely cracked.. but it's ok... some of my old friends (HS, College, etc) on the link above (title)... lovin' facebook... connected with a BUNCH of friends from way back...

J/

On a more serious note... Tyler Waldorf

2008-08-07T23:29:00.010-05:00

I am seriously loving some new songs by Tyler Waldorf. Some of his songs, "Sinkin Slowly" & "Angels in Words" (my personal favorite) have been featured lately on Army Wives. They are incredibly soulful and well written...

The thing that sucks is - Can't get them in CD or iTunes or MP3 format at the moment... so I sent him a note, telling him how much I appreciate his work, and would love to know where to buy some of his songs...
here was the response...

Tyler Waldorf sent you a message:
-----------------
Subject: RE: Your music
I'm re-recording a few songs then an ep and that will be for sale.
Thanks for the kind words.

-Ty...
----------------

Dude responded in like 8 hours... I was seriously impressed... and I am really looking forward to being able to buy his songs...
Click on the title above to hear a few of his songs... (may want to pause my player below first, to avoid overlap)...

J/

Happy Fun Ball

2008-08-06T11:59:00.004-05:00

No Place Like Home...

2008-08-05T19:25:00.002-05:00

Be it ever so humble, there's no place like home... Well, we are back home now. 10 days, 3 cities, 2 airplanes, 1 cancellation, 1 delay, 1 car, a dozen taxi's, a few deli's, a steak, mussels, dim sum, one hotel, and the sights and sounds... Always good to see the view from the end of the street again, and enjoy sleeping in my own bed again. Thanks, again, to all of you who thought about us and prayed for us as we drove, flew, got tested, saw doctors, etc. The outcome was good, the travel was tolerable and we are now back for a while.

The only wrinkle in the whole thing was that Delta cancelled our flight back, booked us onto another flight 4 hours later, then delayed that flight for an hour and a half... so... long story short, we got back into the south at midnight, rather than our planned 7pm arrival time. At least they bumped us up to first class for the trouble. Wish I could have used the formula above and clicked our heels together and been transported instantly to home... now that would be awesome.

All in all, a great trip, and good news from our doctors. Modifying the protocol a bit, and hoping for some great results...

I must say, to be fair to my friends in the NorthEast.... people in NYC are definitely more helpful and thoughtful to those in wheelchairs than the folks we run into elsewhere (mainly, the South)... I mean, constantly, someone was there to open and hold doors, offer to help, assist with holding the wheelchair as we transferred K into and out of it... and it wasn't just this trip - it has been this way EVERY SINGLE TIME.

Thanks so much to all of those who helped us in so many ways, and especially for my brother-in-law and sister-in-law, for helping us through a difficult time, by blessing us in a very special way. We are truly blessed and loved and provided for - we can clearly see how all is working together for our good.

Back in the Big Apple.....

2008-07-28T21:28:00.002-05:00

Well, we are back in NYC again for another round of doctor visits and tests. The energy here is amazing, and really uplifting to us both. Tests are now behind us (today), and two office visits are set for tomorrow, so we are hoping for some promising news and for the doctors to have some wisdom in the treatment protocols.

On a lighter note, I am loving eating at the Chinese restaurant here across the street, as well as the Deli and some other favorite haunts here. The Times Square area is my favorite area to stay and to walk around...

Tomorrow after the appointment, we will pickup some takeout from Rosie O'Grady's (another favorite), and then pack up to leave for LaGuardia on Wednesday morning...

If you are a praying person, we would appreciate your prayers - for wisdom for our doctors, healing for K, safe travel home, continued provision and blessings for all who have helped us in so very many ways...

Need I say more??? But seriously...

2008-07-22T02:00:00.001-05:00

Seriously, being able to love the people in our lives - all of them, and all of the time - is an amazing and uncommon thing. I'd love to say I always do, but there's already enough BS in the world... so I will say I try to... and the result is that I often succeed, but sometimes not so much... Thoughts of judgement and harsh responses when my goals are blocked, or when I am tired, irritable or just being plain petty... sometimes, they come out and dance around my brain and out of my mouth before I can obliterate them. Sometimes, loving someone also means loving them enough to gently speak truth in love. Sometimes, loving them is refusing to enable them in destructive behaviors...

I think the older I get, the more compassionate and easy going I become. After years of impatience, frustration and venting, hurting others with careless words as a young man, something has died... and I am glad... funeral is over on that raging, silly person... so now, it's more working on the internal part - the one nobody much sees but me... and a very few who are really close to me. Working out those little nagging thoughts and attitudes that are not loving... so that I can truly pour myself out, selflessly, for those I love, and to let them know that nothing is more important to me than they are...

and that - would be complete success...
at least, as I define it...

Is "W" is for "wind"?

2008-07-19T01:48:00.003-05:00

Download video
- You can Download in MP4 or FLV format

Red Wines Make Meat Healthier? No kidding?

2008-07-19T01:21:00.003-05:00

And all this time, I just thought they tasted good together...

(Click title to see the article)...

Gotta run... my Merlot and Filet Mignon are calling out to me, begging me to be healthier...

Waiting for My Real Life to Begin... and Resting...

2008-07-15T22:33:00.006-05:00

Waiting for My Real Life to Begin, by Colin Hay

Any minute now my ship is coming in

I'll keep checking the horizon

And I'll stand on the bow

And feel the waves come crashing

Come crashing down, down, down on me

And you said,"Be still, my love

Open up your heart

Let the light shine in

"Don't you understand?

I already have a plan

I'm waiting for my real life to begin

When I awoke today suddenly nothing happened

But in my dreams I slew the dragon
And down this beaten path

And up this cobbled lane

I'm walking in my own footsteps once again

And you say,"Just be here now

Forget about the past

Your mask is wearing thin

"Let me throw one more dice

I know that I can win

I'm waiting for my real life to begin

Any minute now my ship is coming in

I'll keep checking the horizon

And I'll check my machine

There's sure to be that call

It's gonna happen soon, soon, oh so very soon

It's just that times are lean

And you say,"Be still, my love

Open up your heart

Let the light shine in

"Don't you understand?

I already have a plan

I'm waiting for my real life to begin

Hey heyeyeyeyey

Hey yeeeeeee

Hey heyeyeyeyey

Eeh eeh eeh eeh eh x5

On a clear day

I can see, see for a long way

On a clear day

I can see, see a very long way

In many ways, this song has expressed my heart through the difficult times over the past few years. A very dear friend also shared a prayer with me tonight that has expressed where I WANT to be, and sometimes where I am...

The Welcome Prayer, by Father Thomas Keating:

Welcome, welcome, welcome.
I welcome everything that comes to me in this moment
because I know it is for my healing.

I welcome all thoughts, feelings,
emotions, persons,
situations and conclusions.

I let go of my desire for security.

I let go of my desire for approval.

I let go of my desire for control.

I let go of my desire to change any situation,
condition, person or myself.

I open to the love and presence of God
and to the healing action and grace within.

AMEN

My desire is to live in the perfect balance of hope and peace - the hope of the plans and paths Daddy has for us, tempered by the peace of finding contentment in accepting and coming to terms with the circumstances and situations of the current moments... to live within each moment. When we are trapped in the yesterdays (of regret) or the tomorrows (of deferred hope or of worry and dread), we are paralyzed and miss the NOW. It is only in the peace of the current moment where we can actually live, love and move.

Please share insights and reflections from your own heart, if you are so moved.... I believe each of us may benefit from each others' experiences and hearts...

Man, What a Good Lookin' Baby...

2008-07-09T23:45:00.003-05:00

See!!! I was a good lookin' baby... not sure what happened along the way... but hey, at least I had a run there... King of the playpen... I was digging through the old albums and ran across it, so I thought I'd share...

J/

It ain't what you don't know....

2008-07-08T15:22:00.003-05:00

“It ain't what you don't know that gets you into trouble. It's what you know for sure that just ain't so.” Mark Twain

Words to live by. Ain't it the truth? We often thinks we knows so much, and soon find out what we know is just - well - WRONG.

The longer I live, the more I realize just how much I don't know. In the last 10 years, so many of the things I was so sure of have changed. I am still sure of a few things:

- Daddy God loves me, and even better - He LIKES me...

- I am defined by who He says I am, not by roles I fulfill...

- Relationship is better than being RIGHT, or following RULES...

- People are more important than THINGS...

Other than that, pretty much everything else is up for grabs...

=) J/

Lactose Intolerance, Anyone? Dairy-rrhea for Dummies who don't exercise self-control...

2008-07-02T16:53:00.009-05:00

Well, perhaps the picture says it all.... at least that's the way I feel anywhere from 2 hours to 6 hours after a healthy dose of DAIRY... resulting in several hours or even a few fun-filled days to follow enhanced by projectile DAIRY-rrhea...

Forget nuclear weapons - just figure out a way to deliver this tormenting affliction to terrorists across the globe! Sure to stop 'em cold!

Ok, so like I never drink milk outright (moo cow milk, goat milk, etc.)... know better than that, so now it's Vanilla Rice Drink (don't even think about calling that milk) or Chocolate Soy Milk (really - I mean, are there teets on soybeans that allow for "milking"? I studied Biology, and don't recall soybeans being MAMMALS). Even stopped nibbling the smallest bits of all cheeses, and shop regularly on the "non-cheese cheese" aisle, where there are untold delicacies of cheese-like substances made from soybeans, rice, almonds, and "vegetable protein" (whatever that is - maybe like the veggie equivalent of "mystery meat" we used to get in the high-school lunchroom??). And to top it all off, these non-milk milks and non-cheese cheeses cost about 3x what their mammalian counterparts do... you can't keep a straight face and tell me that rice or soybeans cost more to produce than moo cow freaking milk. I mean, you don't have to feed the soybeans, give them shots, milk them or shovel up their... well, I digress...

I stumbled on a "new" trigger this week - MILK chocolate... Who would have guessed it was real milk??? Duh! Well, let me tell you - truth in advertising, because my "you ate milk"-O-Meter registered a 7.9... and ALL IS NOT WELL...

And the Lacto-Free stuff don't work for me... Guess maybe it's more of an allergy to the cow's mammory juice... so if I want calcium, now I have to look for it where it don't belong... like in my orange juice... who thought that up? But, I have to maintain my strong bones and teeth - hard to do without those, so off I go to buy my naturally non-natural array of non-dairy dairy items and juice with added calcium (which, by the way, a beloved relative used to refer to as "cal-suh-mum" to "keep your bones suple" (pronounced "sue'-puhl", in the most wonderful southern south-carolinian drawl)). We miss ya, Ruby... anyway... back to my tyraid...

Not only is this non-dairy, non-lactose spread/slice/hunk/block of stuff expensive, it's also only to be found in the veggie aisle, or sometimes only in specialty stores altogether. Plus, I wonder if this might be affecting my ability to focus, be decisive and to remember things... but I am not really sure. What was I talking about?

Oh, well... nuf said...

Dairy Free in Tennessee

J/

Which Superhero are You?

2008-06-30T08:20:00.004-05:00

Your results:
You are Superman

Superman		85%
Green Lantern		80%
The Flash		75%
Spider-Man		70%
Supergirl		70%
Iron Man		65%
Wonder Woman		60%
Catwoman		60%
Robin		55%
Batman		45%
Hulk		45%

You are mild-mannered, good,
strong and you love to help others.

Click here to take the "Which Superhero are you?" quiz...

Whew! Glad to know why I have some interesting abilities, and now I know to avoid Kryptonite....

So - What superhero are you most like?

J/

Take A Good Look....

2008-06-19T16:39:00.006-05:00

Seems like it's really hard to get an ACCURATE view of ourselves... Some tend to see ourselves unrealistically by viewing ourselves as a great singer, dancer (ok, you don't think so? hey, have you seen the intro shows for American Idol???? So You Think You Can Dance??? Need I say more?????)...

And others see ourselves unrealistically in a negative way (no? ok, then why are plastic surgeons, diet and exercise companies, shows like "How to Look Good Naked" and so forth doing so very well???)..

Honestly, I don't think one way is better or worse than the other.... maybe both do damage - either to ourselves or to those around us by leading us to disappointment, disilluionment or destructive behavior. As painful as it may be, maybe it is important for all of us to take a step back from time to time and really attempt to view ourselves as objectively as possible.

From time to time, I ask myself questions like:

What kind of person am I?

What kind of friend am I?

Am I the kind of person I would want to be around?

Am I trustworthy and loyal?

Am I genuine and authentic? or do I role play to what is expected of me? or even put up a rejection front?

What lies might I be believing about myself? about others? about life?

Am I peaceful? deep within?

What are the things that I place the most value on?

Where do I spend/invest my time, energy & resources?

Who are my closest friends? Why are we friends?

Can I accept and love anyone, regardless of their demographics, background, lifestyle and decisions, beliefs?

Do I feel a need to compare myself to others? as better? as worse?

Do I have an accurate body image?

Do I accept myself completely - body, soul, spirit, emotions, mind?

Am I aware of those around me? of my purpose(s) in this life?

Have I been able to find my bliss?

Am I balanced? Dogmatic/legalistic? Judgemental? Harsh? Loving? Compassionate?

What are my worries? fears? and how am I responding to them?

What am I like when nobody else is around?

How do I feel when I am alone and quiet?

Just as the image of the cat above is distorted by the software that created it, often our self-images, body images and self-awareness are distorted by our programming and thinking...

affecting the energy eminating from us. I have to stop and reset from time to time - really evaluating where I am and what I am operating from - to be able to move back into seeing who I really am, as my Daddy sees me - as He made me to be....

Howz Yer Thinkin?

2008-06-19T09:48:00.005-05:00

Read this question, come up with an answer and then scroll down to the bottom for the result. This is not a trick question. It is as it reads.

A woman, while at the funeral for her own mother, met this guy whom she did not know. She thought this guy was amazing! She fell in love with him right there, but never asked for his number and could not find him later. A few days later she killed her sister.

Question: What is her motive in killing her sister? (Give this some thought before you answer).

SCROLL DOWN.

Answer: She was hoping that the guy would appear at the funeral again. If you answered this correctly, you think like a psychopath.

This was a test by a famous American Psychologist used to test if one has the same mentality as a killer. Many arrested serial killers took part in the test and answered the question correctly.

If you didn't answer the question correctly good for you. If you got the answer correct, please let me know so I can take you off of my email list unless that will tick you off, then I'll just be extra nice to you from now on.
Heh!

J/

Reflections for Today

2008-04-02T07:17:00.003-05:00

Hope, Exhaustion, Peace, Reality

Just a glimmer of hope

The slightest improvement

What we used to think was a hard day

We now know to be a good day

So much we did not know

So much we still do not

Sometimes so difficult to understand

Five years now

So much time and effort

So much money spent

Sometimes seeming that the treatment

Is worse than the disease

How much can one withstand?

How long can this go on?

Longer than you would think

Longer than you would believe

When the days grow long (but never long enough)

And the bones are sore

From being awake so long

Not enough time for sleep

Well beyond the end of myself

So beyond what I thought could be

Feeling so alone and yet

Knowing I never am, nor can I be

Adversity seems to bring out

The very best and very worst

The rawest, truest self within

Testing hope and faith and trust

Nights are often hardest

Most exhausted, most empty

Finally finished for the day at 2am

Collapsing into my pillow

6am comes too early (has it only been a few minutes?)

Alarm screaming and demanding

Waking dead, and yet alive

New hope in the midst of challenge

Stumbling in the dark

Cold water in my face, dark circles under my eyes

Slowly coming into consciousness

So much to do, so few hours today

Wake the boys - Don't go back to sleep

Keep them moving

Breakfast, brush hair and teeth

Pack lunch and out the door

Another successful launch

Time to crash, close my eyes

For just a few precious moments of sleep

So elusive, but must catch them when I can

The demands of the day will soon be upon me again

Everyone needing, wanting

Right now! Urgent! Must be done!

So many so unaware...

In the midst of all the busy-ness

Finding the quiet place

Of unsurpassed peace

Where You are...

Suddenly easy

Efforless

Resting

Perfect

Doing It Anyway....

2008-03-03T00:11:00.002-05:00

With all that is going on in our lives right now, totally relating to this song - and doing it anyway...
To hear it - Click on the title (Do It Anyway) or go to http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1FdB5Adws78

Enjoy!

J/

Anyway
Artist(Band):Martina McBride

You can spend your whole life building
Something from nothin'
One storm can come and blow it all away
Build it anyway

You can chase a dream
That seems so out of reach
And you know it might not ever come your way
Dream it anyway

God is great
But sometimes life ain't good
And when I pray
It doesn't always turn out like I think it should
But I do it anyway
Yea- I do it anyway

This world's gone crazy
It's hard to believe
That tomorrow will be better than today
Believe it anyway

You can love someone with all your heart
For all the right reasons
In a moment they can choose to walk away
Love 'em anyway

God is great
But sometimes life ain't good
And when I pray
It doesn't always turn out like I think it should
But I do it anyway
Yea - I do it anyway

You can pour your soul out singing
A song you believe in
That tomorrow they'll forget you ever sang
Sing it anyway
Yea, sing it anyway
Yeah, yeah!

I sing
I dream
I love anyway

R U Anal Retentive?

2008-02-05T22:24:00.000-05:00

http://www.blogthings.com/areyouanalretentivequiz/

breaking from the serious for a moment.....

quiz - are you anal-retentive? and if so, how much?

Helps me know how to better respond to you! HA!

and just sose you know, here were my results:

You Are Not Anal Retentive

You're definitely not uptight... in fact, with you anything goes.So what if you're a bit of a slob or if your hygiene isn't perfect?You're not stressing out about it - that's for sure.The only thing you're "anal" about is anal retentive people. You can't stand them!

Real or Plastic? Love or Judge?

2008-01-28T01:08:00.000-05:00

I've been thinking about this alot lately....

Why are so many of us seemingly so consumed with what others think or expect of us? or worse yet, what we think they expect of us? I mean from Washington to the West Coast, it seems like image is the focus... the desire to be accepted and approved... We bust on politicians for swinging like a barn door in a windstorm, and yet, when it comes down to it, most of us cave to the pressures of expectations, either perceived or real...

So, Real or Plastic? I think that's the real choice... to be real or to be image... Real means risking rejection for who we really are... but plastic means something much worse, I think - it means rejecting ourselves...

On a similar line of thinking, what about how we relate to others? Sure, we're harder on ourselves than anyone else... but still, do we accept and love? or do we judge? Judging isn't just rejecting... we can judge someone good, as well, but it's still judgement. And on top of that, it's like most people want others to judge them - good, that is... Everything from acting out to see if rejection will be returned, to "do these pants make me look fat?"....

What a freedom to be able to simply love - to love ourselves and to love others - without the need to correct, label, reject or judge... just complete acceptance. I am so thankful to those who have loved me that way, and have forever impacted my life and my thinking. Without which I am not sure I would have ever believed it possible. Some can fake it for a few days or a few years, even... but these folks have consistenly demonstrated it for more than 10 years... You know who you are - thanks for showing me a better way, and for encouraging me to be who I am made to be...

Blessings and much love -
J/

Scream! Another Day in Paradise! You Learn, etc.

2007-12-26T04:14:00.000-05:00

Well, folks, this isn't gonna be a warm and fuzzy Christmas post. If that bothers you, STOP READING NOW. I mean it. Really. This is gonna be off, and I know it, so deal with it.

I guess, if I have learned anything at all from the suffering and difficulties we have experienced over the past 5 years, it's that life isn't really life unless you live it. You can spend your whole life trying to protect yourself or others, you can spend so much time and energy without ever risking... and without really living. What is the use in going through the motions with fake relationships, fake friends, fake identity, fake compassion, fake love... it's all worth about as much as a bag of manure.

I'd rather have a handful of true relationships - a handful of those who care for us, and for whom we care - than to be surrounded by a bunch of people "faking it". I don't have any fake left... I don't have the energy to put up a persona... our lives are hard, and I can't sugar coat it or gloss over it just to try to help someone else feel better about it.

God is good, but life can be a bitch. One friend recently died suddenly of a blood clot - much too young. Another is currently dealing with another bout with cancer. Yet another recently lost a very special dad, and has a mom who is sick, and another is overwhelmed by very difficult circumstances. Here we all are - going through a bunch of stuff, and at times, to be honest, I cry out "Where are You, God!?! I mean, it can't be that hard for You... so is it that you arent' there? or that you are there, but aren't doing anything? Do you care?" Yeah, I know - so don't give me "sunday school answers" and religious "feedback". That crap only works when you haven't walked through much. And yes, my questions and frustrations come and go - and YES, I do know God exists and that He loves us... but some days, it still is really difficult.

But I refuse - I mean completely refuse - to lie down and just be overcome or to become stagnant or fake. I am gonna live. I was made to live and made to overcome, so I will. The end may not be in sight, but I know it's there, and I know the friends I have are real, and that those relationships will endure. I am still pissed, though.... maybe I will have a happy little post sometime soon.... Perhaps that's why I don't feel much like blogging lately, but I still like listening to Alanis and a few others - and I did get an iPod Classic 80 (video) for Christmas, so I can take her with me.. LOL

You Learn (by Alanis Morissette )

I recommend getting your heart trampled on to anyone
I recommend walking around naked in your living room
Swallow it down (what a jagged little pill)
It feels so good (swimming in your stomach)
Wait until the dust settles

You live you learn
You love you learn
You cry you learn
You lose you learn
You bleed you learn
You scream you learn

I recommend biting off more then you can chew
to anyone I certainly do
I recommend sticking your foot in your mouth
at any time feel free
Throw it down (the caution blocks you from the wind)
Hold it up (to the rays)
You wait and see when the smoke clears

You live you learn
You love you learn
You cry you learn
You lose you learn
You bleed you learn
You scream you learn

Wear it out (the way a three-year-old would do)
Melt it down (you're gonna have to eventually anyway)
The fire trucks are coming up around the bend

You live you learn
You love you learn
You cry you learn
You lose you learn
You bleed you learn
You scream you learn
You grieve you learn
You choke you learn
You laugh you learn
You choose you learn
You pray you learn
You ask you learn
You live you learn

There You Are

2007-10-22T08:04:00.000-05:00

I open my eyes
and there You are
The touch of the wind on my face
The sun on my skin

I hear You in the songs of the birds
I taste You in the salt air
I breathe You in

I see You in the colors of the sea and sky
Brilliant and incomparable
I think of You
and You are as close as my breath

In this moment I wonder
How can I ever feel alone?
And yet, at times, I do

How is it that You can be so close
I know You are here always
and yet, I feel longing?
emptiness?
incomplete?

Perhaps it is that You are here
and we are playing hide and seek
You are so close, and I do not see You

Or maybe my senses have dulled
distracted by busy-ness and life
or deceived by religious lies
about You or about me

But then I realize, once again
You have been here all the time
There You are!

Even though You never left me
I have missed You so
Help me keep my eyes on You
as You hold me close for eternity....

(c) 2007, J.A.D.

Thrills, Spills and Other Adventures

2007-09-18T20:23:00.001-05:00

"There is no terror in the bang - only in the anticipation of it"... Alfred Hitchcock

I really enjoy a good thriller - not so much the bloody horror stuff, but the real thriller...

Double Jeopardy

Kiss the Girls

Along Came a Spider

Red Eye

The Forgotten

Seven

Rear Window

Psycho

The Prestige

Fracture

The Departed

The Green Mile

Sixth Sense

The Village

Unbreakable

Fight Club

The Matrix

X-Men

Secret Window

The Game

Presumed Innocent

Needful Things

Body Double

Don't Say a Word

Hide and Seek

Sleeping With the Enemy

Enough

Twisted

Collateral

Flight Plan

Taking Lives

Richchet

The Recruit

The Hunted

The Hitcher (ok, almost over the top on that one)...

and so many more....

I love the intensity and the not knowing.... the twistier the better - not so much scenes like the one in Man On Fire where Denzel Washington cuts off the guys fingers or where he blows the other guy up - it was the suspense and shock leading up... I love movies that keep you on the edge of your seat - sure I am exhausted afterwards, but it is a real adrenaline rush, and the feeling of being so alive and so on edge and completely alert and attentive...

and it got me to thinking...

Just as much as I enjoy those thrills and shocks, I find that in my life, the fears and worries are much more damaging and exhausting than the actual events and outcomes. Same with anticipation of wanting and waiting to see an outcome... once it arrives, the suspense is gone. I enjoy the adventure of it more than the desitination, but I also feel the compressing, life-sapping exhaustion of the worries and fears sometimes, too....

How can I maximize my enjoyment of the adventure and the positive energy of that side of life, and minimize my worry of the negative things that I have worried about... What a difference it could make to focus and harness the positive energy and not give time, thought or effort to the negative. Sometimes hard to do in our current circumstances, but hey, I am gonna give it a run for the money...

Journeying on, and launching into my next adventure, and loving it!

You'll always be my baby...

2007-08-27T07:10:00.000-05:00

I don't listen to alot of country music anymore, but this song really spoke to me.... You can find a video of it at http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rDim9gD_pVA.

You'll Always Be My Baby
Artist: Sara Evans

Album: Real Fine Place

There I was ten years old

waiting in my room for him to come home

I just knew he'd be so mad

though I begged my mother not to, she told my dad.

There was no denying I let him down

but instead of being angry

he put his arms around me and said

In the sunlight or the rain, brightest nights or darkest days

I'll always feel the same way

whatever road you may be on

know your never too far gone
my love is there wherever you may be

just remember that you will always be my baby.

There I was twenty one

oh I was so ashamed of what I'd done

on a country roadparked one night

it started out so innocent

then crossed the line

there was no denying I let God down

but instead of being angry

He wrapped His arms around me and I heard

In the sunlight or the rain, brightest nights or darkest days

I'll always feel the same way

whatever road you may be on

know your never too far gone

my love is there wherever you may be

just remember that you will always be my baby - yeah.

There he is my little man

I'm sure he'll get in trouble every now and then

and I pray to god that when he does

I'll be just as understanding as my father was
oh the last thing that I want to do is let him down

so instead of being angry

I'm gonna throw my arms around him and I'll say

In the sunlight or the rain brightest nights or darkest days

I'll always feel the same way
whatever road you may be on

know you’re never too far gone

my love is there wherever you may be
just remember that you will always be my baby.

/Jeff

In Our Father's Eyes....

2007-08-11T01:36:00.000-05:00

If we can only learn to see...

In Our Father's Eyes

My Life

Seemingly Invisible

Mostly Complicated

Often Feeling Insignificant

And Yet

Knowing Somehow

Deep Inside

I Am Much More

Clearly Now

Becoming Aware

Truly Made

For His Good Pleasure

For Me

All About

My Heavenly Father

Who Loves Me So

For Him

All About Me

He Tells Me

I Am His Favorite

Love Is The Depth of Acceptance

Peace Is The Depth of Abundance

Joy Is The Depth of Freedom

And In Him, I Find Myself

Complete & Whole

Without Blemish

Without Need

No Longer Judged or Needing to Judge

I Spot Him In You

Such Love In Your Eyes

You, As I,

Have Our Father's Eyes

* Picture above is a picture from the Hubbel telesope, and named the "Eye of God" Nebula...

In Daddy's Arms

2007-08-02T23:22:00.000-05:00

In Daddy's Arms

How long, Lord?

How long must this continue?

How long must I feel this way? So alone, so pressed...

How long must I endure? Such sorrow, such hopelessness...

A little longer?

But, how much longer?

Rest? How can I...

Oh, You will carry me?

Hold me in Your arms, Daddy, close to Your heart

Let my head rest on Your breast

That I may hear the beat of Your heart

And move in rhythm to Your Spirit

So safe

So secure, in Your arms

Such warmth

Such love, I am transformed!

Swing me, Daddy!

Do it again!

Whirl me around in Your arms of Love

I feel like I am flying - flying in Your Love

So far above my worries and fears

High in the air

Out of reach of all that seek to harm me

Or drag me back down

My whole heart trusts You

We are one at the heart

You have given Your heart to me

And I am Yours

Fly me again, Daddy

In Your strong, loving arms

How I need this time with You

I want to be just like You

Early Morning Reflections

2007-07-27T09:38:00.000-05:00

Early Morning Reflections

3A.M.

Awake and Semi-conscious

Pondering and exploring

The depth, height, bredth of Your love for me

In the moonlight, I run to You

With open arms and heart full of love

None other can satisfy

The longing in my heart only for You

In Your eyes, pools of pure passion

Absent of all selfishness

Only true and holy desire

For me to come to You, to be with You

Each day bringing me closer

To the bridge so many have already crossed

Which will leave my body absent

And will leave me present with You

So much pain around me

Sometimes in me as well

So much suffering and loss

And yet, as long as I have You, I lack nothing

So strange to have lost so much and yet to have all I need

You tend my every need, and often my desires

You and I, forever, unchangeably one

Gratitude floods my heart and soul

In a crowd sometimes alone - Yet never truly alone

I hear Your voice, I feel Your touch

I know You are there, closer than my breath

Desiring me and loving me so much more than my mind can comprehend

I run to You, leaving it all behind

Worries, pain, trouble - now far behind

My eyes locked on You - Only You

And I behold You, as if for the first time

You welcome me with open arms and open heart

You hold me and tell me how You have missed me

And oh! Have I missed you!

You bid me come to stay with You, and I am overjoyed

Waves of joy and love wash over me

Taking away all but what You have placed in me

Healing the deep wounds

And leaving me with fullness instead

Deep within the heart of Your palm

I rest in the safety of knowing

No enemy dare follow me there in Your hand

For I am securely Yours

And now, as I close my eyes once again

Resting in the comfort of knowing

I have only touched the hem of Your presence

Yet one day, I will behold You in fullness

The Circle of My Reflection

2007-07-24T11:43:00.000-05:00

The Circle of My Reflection

Awake

So much to do

Schedule full

Remember to breathe

Slowly now

Set priorities
Slow my heart rate

Speak deliberately

Love extravagantly

Reach out diligently

Remember to dream

Deep

Intimate

Genuine

Beloved

Accepted

True

Special in my own way

Accepted in every way

Loved beyond measure

Know myself

Wind down

Return to base

Take it all in

Breathe slowly

Lie down

Read and laugh

Breathe deeply

Kiss goodnight

Let go

Reflect

Rest

Seeing God.... Beyond the Lies

2007-07-17T16:43:00.000-05:00

These three poems mean alot to me. They are by Meister Eckhart (1260-1328), and are part of the treasure he left behind. Perhaps he can help us see our Lord more clearly, beyond the lies we are told and have believed about Him....

It is a Lie

It is a lie - any talk of God

that does not

comfort

you.

He Told Me a Joke

My Lord told me a joke.

And seeing Him laugh has done more for me

than any scripture I will

ever read.

An Image That Makes Them Sad

How long will grown men and women in this world

keep drawing in their coloring books

an image of God that

makes them

sad?

May we see Him more clearly, love Him more truly, experience Him more deeply....

and ENJOY HIM ENJOYING US...

Lousy At Math

2007-07-15T18:13:00.000-05:00

a Poem by Hafiz, translated by Daniel Ladinsky... excerpted from "Love Poems from God"...

Lousy At Math

Once a group of thieves stole a rare diamond

larger than two goose eggs.

Its value could have easily bought three thousand horses

and three thousand acres of the most

fertile land in Shiraz.

The thieves got drunk that night to celegrate their great haul,

but during the course of the evening the effects of the liquir,

and their mistrust of each other grew to such an extent

they decided to divide the stone into pieces.

Of course, then the Priceless became lost.

Most everyone is lousy at math and does that to God -

dissects the Indivisible One,

by thinking, by saying,

"This is my Beloved, and he looks like this and acts like that,

how could that moron over there

really

God?"

So sad to me when the body of believers does that... dividing God into what they accept and do not accept, arguing over this or that characteristic or quality or ability or nature... or God's acceptance or rejection of another... Perhaps we are best off leaving all of that in God's hands to know and divide, for it is my belief that people SUCK at it....

Jeff

2007-07-10T14:21:00.000-05:00

ENERGY/ATTITUDE MATRIX

This was an interesting self-evaluation tool for me today. I would love to tell you that I am always in the "most effective" box, but THAT WOULD BE A BIG OLE FAT LIE. Sooooo.....

I didn't see a SELF-DECEPTION box either, so I guess I have to settle somewhere into fluctuating between Too Busy/Stressed, Jaded, Bitter/Angry & Most Effective, probably in that order, too.

So, if ya dare, where are you? Aw c'mon....
Jeff

2007-07-08T13:11:00.001-05:00

Well, he did it again... Ras is reading my mail...

WHAT THE LORD IS SAYING TODAY - Ras Robinson

Proper time.

You have heard clearly what to do. And now I am telling you this is the right and proper time to act. Your heart has become wise in that you now listen to My voice. Stop listening to the voices within you that stir up fear and all sorts of emotional distractions.

Too many counselors only lead to confusion. Listen the Lord your God. In the way, you cannot go wrong. You now have the proper time and I will show you the proper procedure. It will be obvious to you. Do not be distracted by the troubling that is heavy upon you. Rise to your feet and do the right thing, now.

Proper time.

Ecclesiastes 8:4 "He who keeps a royal command experiences no trouble , for a wise heart knows the proper time and procedure. For there is a proper time and procedure for every delight, though a man's trouble is heavy upon him."

www.madchurchdisease.com

2007-07-05T18:02:00.000-05:00

click on logo to visit the site...
if you have seen it before, sorry, but it was very interesting to me...
check out the topic, surveys and links... but warning, if you are really into church and defending it as it is today, you will probably not like it, so STOP READING HERE.

Mad Church Disease -
I am glad I no longer suffer from it... and I feel for those who still do.

Wow... this is a very insightful and tremendous project. I related to the logo - 'Beat Up. Burned Out.' At the point where we left church, I really felt that way. We weren't angry, we weren't hurt... well, ok, we were hurt, but we have since been healed and are no longer hurt.

We have been gone for 3 years now. For some time now, when I drive by the church we used to attend, I feel nothing at all - not anger, not hurt, not numb, just NOTHING. It has really become completely foreign and irrelevant to my life, which is surprising, considering I spent most of my 38 years in one church or another, with it being such a huge part of my life. I was in so many different lay-leadership, volunteer positions, outreach and ministry positions, and was also a deacon. I saw the best and the worst at different times, but one thing that broke my heart was when the best was squelched and killed by controlling leadership.

Since leaving, one thing that has changed significantly is my heart... specifically, how my love for Christ, relationships in my life, and my acceptance and love for others (espcially those I don't agree with), has continued to grow by leaps and bounds. Being able to be free to love and not judge has been a tremendous gift. Our children have quickly adapted away from the legalism and 'religious' mindsets, and have developed so much compassion and love for people. Our giving since that time has been directed into the lives of those in need that God reveals to us. Most recently, we also are receiving help from others, as the financial burdens of my wife's illness have been staggering, and the Lord has prompted them to help. What a blessing to be so cared for and prayed for - prayer with action.

Honestly, between the weekly verbal battering over the demand for giving more and more (we were giving 23% at that time, by the way), and the guilt trips over every missed services, we felt that what God had been speaking to us was so very different from the church's message, that the church's message had become irrelevant. Seemed to me that the church system as we knew it was completely 'mad'. Probably not what they meant by Mad Church, but anyway...

From all appearances, it had become little more than a combination between a country club and a reptilian (think of a crocodile) corporate entity - abusive to employees and members alike. The leadership seemed to be filled with building their own legacy and kingdom than God's, and it seemed they saw themselves as accountable and answerable to nobody. Even in the face of questions and several mass-exoduses, it did not change or alter their approach or attitudes, except perhaps to demonstrate even more dictatorial and harsh behavior. The promises that were made 'on behalf of God' were always 'right around the corner', but never arrived, year after year. It wasn't for lack of believing... but hope deferred made the heart sick. It got to where I couldn't even attend a service without being nauseated.

Also, knowing every staff member personally, the consistent message and expectation of staff members and lay leaders was that church ministry was more important than family. Although never spoken in this way, the implication was clear. I have since come to realize that all of the busyness, programs, and such, take away from our time to really get to know each other, to develop deep and lasting 'keeping' relationships, and pull us away from having this development time with friends and family. All the while, our family was going through so much with family illness, and while the church was aware, and we let our needs and situations be known, we were pretty much completely ignored. I believe in prayer, but when it is accompanied by judgement or gossip, rather than assistance, I think it has no real value. Real prayer and real love mean real concern, real reaching out, and often, real action.

Since leaving, we have had much more time available to develop relationships. We now know many more of our neighbors, and have developed true, transparent, deep relationships with some. In these relationships, rather than church, we have found the truest definitions of fellowship, ministry, relationship, depth, having things in common (sharing what we have as each one needs), and in the development and raising of our children. We have been cared for by both those who attend church and those who don't - some believers, some not. God told us at the start that He would meet our needs in 'a most unusual way', and He has. I am more in love with Him now than ever. He has been everything to me during the darkest of days, as well as the brightest, and has never left us.

Don't get me wrong - I am not 'against' church. I am just 'for' relationships of depth and meaning - both with God and with people. Many people we love are still in church. We aren't trying to pull them out. We just know that until we see gatherings that are really centered around caring for one another and loving God, hearing His voice and ministering to people, without the hierarchy, the 'system' and the controlling leadership, we aren't really interested, and it will not be a part of our lives.

Another thing that impressed me about the site link above was the depth and rawness of the survey questions on the website (www.madchurchdisease.com). The questions hit at real issues that exist, which are often ignored or even buried in most church settings. Church should be a place to heal, learn, prepare, and then be launched out into the world, and should be a safe place to open up, sharing needs and hurts - but the truth is, most, nearly all, are NOT safe. Sharing an issue that is one of the 'bad' ones can cost you your reputation, position, job (if you work for the church), relationships... it can be devastating, to be sure.

When we get real, and develop real relationships, they can be life-transforming. They can also carry us through the most difficult times of our lives. I am so thankful for those who have come along beside us and held us together when our circumstances were tearing us completely apart. You guys know who you are....

J.

2007-06-28T21:02:00.000-05:00

This guy seems to hit right where I am at alot of the time... did it again today... great note of encouragement to me where I am today.

FULLNESS ON LINE WHAT THE LORD IS SAYING TODAY - June 28, 2007 Ras RobinsonJun 28 2007 07:10AM

Never. You have considered giving up on your vision. Discouragement has crept into your thinking and emotions. The road has become more difficult to travel. Roadblock after roadblock has hindered your progress. Constant prayer now will yield great rewards.

Giving up is never an option for you. You must never give up on Me, yourself or your mission in life. You are a person of great destiny. I have chosen you for this hour. A lesser person could never do what you have done nor could they ever do what you must do. Now, stand to your feet and let us get moving.

When do you give up? Never.

Luke 18:1 "One day Jesus told his disciples a story to illustrate their need for constant prayer and to show them that they must never give up."

Link is on the left - RAS ROBINSON - What the Lord is Saying Today... to subscribe or to just read it when you want... new posts daily.

....made me who I am....

2007-06-18T19:21:00.001-05:00

The man I am today has been influenced and changed by the sum of my experiences. Certainly, God designed me a certain way, and I an uniquely made, but my experiences have formed and shaped me in certain specific ways.

At times, joyful, odd and unusual experiences have contributed to my sense of humor and my warped way of viewing the world.

At other times, suffering and sadness have formed in me a tenderness and compassion. Hope deferred has made my heart sick, and heart-sickness has contributed to my earnest desire to know God more fully, and to hear His heart more clearly.

While much of my life has been filled with pain, stress, worry, frustration and other things many might view as negative, I don't see it that way at all... I have come to believe it's much less about what happens to you, and more about what you choose to do with it. I have found that I can turn to anger and bitterness, but it ultimately brings more pain and suffering - if not to me, then certainly to those in my life... or I can turn to a quiet, inward and still place, where I find grace, compassion and patience from the Lord, which helps me to endure and overcome my circumstances.

I am not a person of regret. I generally make decisions, live with the outcomes and go on, never looking back. Lately, however, I have been very reflective in my thinking. Not that I regret, but I wonder how I got to where I am and who I am today. There are many things about my circumstances that are difficult and painful, and they are not of my own doing. I did not choose this, but I find myself evaluating how I got here and how I feel about it. In some ways, I am uneasy with my circumstances. I have good times and bad times, and I deal with them the best I can. But I have come to some conclusions...

First, through my experiences, I have come to understand and know myself. This has been a precious gift into my life. Second, I have come to know God, which is beyond measure and worth. Third, I have come to understand what is important to me, and why. And fourth, I have come to realize that the first three realizations are a direct result of the path I have walked.

So, although I have endured the pain, often nearly overwhelming me, and although I have hurt more deeply than I though possible and still survive, and although I have been so deeply disappointed by hope deferred, and although I have felt abandoned and discarded, judged and rejected, and although I have despised much of my experience - I must acknowledge my thanks and appreciation for what all of this has produced in my life. Rather than it producing something very negative and descructive, it has produced something very positive and lasting, building and restoring, peaceful and loving and kind.

So I reflect today, and although I am a work in progress, I see the hand of the Lord and the shape I have been formed and conformed to, and I am thankful. My experiences have made me the man that I am...

Jeff

How to Save a Life

2007-04-29T02:35:00.000-05:00

I've thought alot over the past 18 years about a friend from high-school, Bill, who was 17 years old back then. I had graduated and moved on to college, and had had no idea at the time what he was going through. It was so similar to what I had gone through myself. But his situation ended in tragedy, as he was alone one evening.

His parents were out for the evening, and he was home alone. He called a mutual friend, asking if they could go hang out, but the friend was sick, and didn't feel up to getting out. The friend offered that if he needed anything, he would come anyway, but Bill assured him it was ok.

A few hours later, Bill was dead. He had shot himself with a rifle, severing his spine, and slowly bled to death. All of us were completely devastated. We really had no idea, especially those of us who had graduated and moved on...

But Bill had written a paper earlier that year for an English class. It was entitled "The Curse of Being Popular". Bill was president of the senior class. He was a "straight-A" student. He was well liked and had many friends. His paper was about how you never know, when you are popular, whether people are around you because they are really your friends, or because they want to be popular by association. He went on to say that it is strange that you can be in a group of people, or even be surrounded by people, and still be completely alone. I learned about Bill's paper at the funeral. Many were very deeply affected. I was one.

I have thought many things over the years - about how I could have ended up the same way. About how many times God had intervened in my life. About how He sent so many people into my life just for the express purpose of helping me go on through the most difficult times of my life. I think about the young man from one of my high-schools who heard God one night and drove up to where I was, in an isolated, dark place, and told me to get in the truck - that he had something to say to me - which was that God loved me and I didn't need to do what I was about to do... he knew my situation because God told him. And the yount lady who dropped by on the weekend when most everyone else had gone home from college, when I was at a very low point. She knocked on my door, came in and talked with me, hung out with me, and we got drunk together. That's all that happened, and she saved my life, though she never even knew it.

I also have thought about the people who had no idea how hurtful their words were. So many careless, judgemental, angry, hurtful words. I felt so much pain back then. I thought I wanted to die. But there was so much more for me... all I needed was a glimpse of it.

I think about things like all I would have missed. I think about my beautiful, sweet wife, and the relationship we have. I think about our friends, that have been so faithful and loving through the current difficulty we are going through with Kim's health. I think about the two wonderful sons we have that would have never been born. I think about the love I have both given and received. I am so blessed. I am so very well cared for. What a blessing to know how much God loves me, how my wife loves me, how my children love me, and my friends love me. I am rich because of their love, and I love each of them dearly. Most of all, what a blessing to know that God not only loves me, but that He accepts me, and that I am dear to Him, and special to Him, and that He carries me through the most difficult days, even back when I thought I didn't want to get through them. He knew better. He knew and still knows best. What a joy to turn over the problems, the anger and frustrations, and the control and worry to Him.

I hear the song below by the Fray pretty often. It is one of the songs that helps me remember and reflect on all of this above, and I am so thankful. Why were people there for me, but it didn't work that way for Bill? Why have so many I have known died young, and I live? Why did Lyn get Leukemia and die? Why did Chip die of Hodgkin's disease? Why did Rob die of cancer? Why is Kim sick now?

I don't understand why things happen the way they do, but I do know there is One who loves us all. I know that He loves us very dearly, and as I have had children, I understand that even more, perhaps. He says, "I know the plans I have for you - to prosper you and not to harm you, to give you a future and a hope...", but why are some of those hopes aborted or missed out on? I don't know. And I don't know how many days I have on this earth, but I do know that I am loved. And I do know that life isn't about how many things I can accumulate, and that my worth doesn't come from things. I know who I am now, and would not exchange that for anything in the world.

Sometimes, we affect so many around us without even knowing it. Sometimes, we are the positive force that moves others to healing, or to growth.... sometimes, we are the negative force that can bring damage or loss. Other times, we are the catalyst that brings others to a point of decision.... and I believe much of this goes on without our awareness, unless we are keenly paying attention to others. How many people have I passed today or even talked with today? How many of those are facing difficulty or experiencing suffering or pain? Do I even care?

I have decided that I do care. I made the decision that I want to see things for what they really are, and to love people unconditionally. I don't want the rosie picture, and the fake friends, and the house full of junk I don't really need anyway. I want to invest into the lives of those around me, and to love them, whatever that means. Thankfully, I am blessed to have those in my life who also pour into me in this way.

Fray
How To Save A Life

Step one you say we need to talk
He walks you say sit down it's just a talk
He smiles politely back at you
You stare politely right on through
Some sort of window to your right
As he goes left and you stay right
Between the lines of fear and blame
And you begin to wonder why you came

Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life

Let him know that you know best
Cause after all you do know best
Try to slip past his defense
Without granting innocence
Lay down a list of what is wrong
The things you've told him all along
Pray to God he hears you
And I pray to God he hears you

Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life

As he begins to raise his voice
You lower yours and grant him one last choice
Drive until you lose the road
Or break with the ones you've followed
He will do one of two things
He will admit to everything
Or he'll say he's just not the same
And you'll begin to wonder why you came

Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life

Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life
How to save a life
How to save a life

Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life

Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life
How to save a life

If you are reading this post from my heart, and you are feeling down, alone or like it isn't worth it to go on, please - I beg you - please, press on through. There are so many whose life you touch. There is One who loves you more than you can imagine. There is a very unique life ahead that only YOU can live. Please don't abort the hope within you, or allow yourself to be sabotaged into believing it isn't worth it. My life is very hard even now - Kim has been fully disabled for several years now, and she struggles with not only pain and weakness, but also with the heartache of missing out on so many things. But we both know FOR SURE that we want to live to the fullest extent we are capable, and to enjoy our lives and those around us, no matter what. And so can you....

Much love and peace and grace to each of you -
GOTEEMAN

Important to Know - Reason, Season or Lifetime

2007-01-03T22:55:00.000-05:00

(My closest and most special LIFETIME relationship)

I recieved part of this recently, and I thought this was worth posting - it's a critical thing to understand - if we aren't aware or misunderstand these in our lives, it can really be painful, difficult, or even lead to catastrophic results. If we are not aware, we may give priority and place to the "wrong" relationships, and ignore, damage and even lose the most important relationships of our lives.

People come into our lives for a reason, a season or a lifetime. When you know which one it is, you will know what to do for that person. When someone is in your life for a REASON, it is usually to meet a need. You or they have come to assist through a difficulty, to provide encouragement, guidance and support, to aid physically, emotionally or spiritually. They may seem like a godsend - and they are. They are there for the reason you need them to be. Then, without any wrongdoing on your part or at an inconvenient time, this person will say or do something to bring the relationship to an end. Sometimes they die. Sometimes they walk away. Sometimes they act up and force you to take a stand. What we must realize is that the need has been met, the desire fulfilled, the work is done, and now it is time to move on.

Some people come into your life for a SEASON, because your turn has come to share, grow or learn. They bring you an experience of peace or make you laugh. They may teach you something you have never done before. They usually give you an unbelievable amount of joy. Believe it, it is real. But only for a season, and once the season is over, it is time to move on again.

LIFETIME relationships teach you lifetime lessons, things you must build upon in order to have a solid emotional foundation. Your job is to accept the lesson, love the person and put what you have learned to use in all other relationships and areas of your life. It is said that love is blind but friendship is clairvoyant. You grow together for a lifetime, and share deeply. This type of relationship is lifelong and lasting, and if we value it, can be a great treasure.

Thank you for being a part of my life, whether you were/are a reason, a season or a lifetime relationship.

Jeff

C'ya Later...

2006-12-12T19:24:00.000-05:00

Last post for a while - too much to do, and I really don't have time to keep up with this anymore. Good news is that we are making progress with Kim's recovery... but we are swamped right now, so I gotta cut back to just the things I really have to do right now. Thanks to all of you who have become "blog friends", and I wish you all the best, especially Dion Pugil, Darla, Michael, MelaniePearl, Marc, Stephen and Margie. I may still try to surf some of yours now and then, but I won't be posting here for a while.

C'ya Later...
Goteeman

Bye bye, Rummy, Bye bye....

2006-11-14T11:16:00.000-05:00

I ran across this late night tribute to Rumsfeld, and wanted to share it with my friends....

Crackmuffin.com
Funny Video From CrackMuffin.com

Enjoy!
GM

Don't Drink the Kool-Aid

2006-10-29T21:33:00.000-05:00

"Nobody joins a cult. Nobody joins something they think is going to hurt them. You join a Religious organization, you join a political movement, and you join with people you really like." This was a quote from the new movie Jonestown - The life and death of Peoples Temple.

Each time I have revisited this topic over the past 30 years, I have been touched in a different and deeper way. Initially, I was most touched by the loss of so many people, especially the children. Later on, I was amazed at Jim Jones, and how he could be so deceived and diluted, and to believe the things that he did.

This week, I heard the quote above, and was struck with something completely different. I have been thinking about the people again, but this time, about how they were deceived. They didn't start out wanting to be deceived or to join a cult. They joined a religious organization. It was a political movement to break free from government control and the American religious system. They were attracted to and surrounded by caring, loving people. Their leader seemed to make so much sense, and provided clear leadership and purpose - at first. But in the end, it all led to death.

There is a song by Jim Cole which says, "Complacency's a poison, taken one drop at a time. It fools our minds to thinking that everything's just fine..." - for so long, we were involved in the American religious community, and I can see from that experience how easy it is to yield undue control to the "authority" of the leadership. When religious leadership steps out of the servant role and into the controlling role, they have placed themselves between the believer and God, sometimes even acting AS God. This can be a dangerous place of control and undue influence.

Christ came as the ONE mediator between God and man. Any time a person steps into that mediator role, whether clergy or layman, it is to usurp God's place and authority.

u·surp (y-sûrp, -zûrp)

v. u·surped, u·surp·ing, u·surps

v.tr.

1. To seize and hold (the power or rights of another, for example) by force and without legal authority.

2. To take over or occupy without right: usurp a neighbor's land.

v.intr.

To seize another's place, authority, or possession wrongfully.

The one good thing that has come out of our past is that we have been awakened to an awareness of this type of control and abuse that some may attempt to use to control and bewitch believers. This type of control serves its own purposes and agendas, rather than God's, and it attempts to conform others to its own image, rather than assisting them in developing into the fullness of the measure and stature of Christ.

GM

A Special Thanks....

2006-10-09T21:54:00.000-05:00

As our family as gone through difficult times, I have been thankful for so many things.

For my dear wife - She has endured the pain and suffering, difficulties and burdens, with great love and great strength. Though her body is weak, her spirit is very strong. I love her more now than ever before. She is my favorite. I long for the days when we can enjoy better circumstances together, but I am thankful it is her that I am sharing this experience with. She has shown me the real meaning of life and love, and that it is about being and not doing.

For my sons - Both boys have demonstrated such perseverance and strength, faith and hope, joy and peace during this most difficult time for them. Our youngest cannot even remember mommy being able to care for him or being well. Both boys have such strong character and are genuine, loving and kind. They both have said the thing they want to be most is a daddy. They said they know it is hard work, because the daddy has to take care of everything and everyone, and the mommy's role is to love the babies, but they want to be one someday. They have held me up, prayed me through, and loved me unconditionally.

For health for our kids and me - Our kids haven't been sick in almost 2 years. They have been in school, around others who are sick, and yet, they haven't been sick at all in almost 2 years. Not even a cold, and neither have I.

For our immediate and extended families and friends - Our families and friends have all pitched in to help with caring for our children when we have to travel, and have helped with expenses and needs. They are tireless in their love, compassion and generosity, and often, it is overwhelming to be able to receive. For our closest and most faithful friends - We have a few very close friends who have hung with us through all of this. They never once judged us or tried to "fix" us. They just love us, and have made themselves our local family, since all of our biological family is out of town. We have been amazed at the generosity of so many, of both their time and treasure, to help us through this time.

For provision - We have been provided for. Through all of the expenses, especially the ones lately, where the IV Antibiotics have all been "out of pocket", since the insurance company and my employer would only pay for the first 30 days, we have been well cared for.

For help - We have had help from a special lady, who comes faithfully twice a week, to help us out, so that I can run errands, buy groceries and so much more.

For our internet friends, who have prayed for us, encouraged us, and even a very few who have sent care packages to us, lifting our spirits on the heaviest of days.

For neighbors - We have had two neighbors who consistently call to ask if they can pickup items at the grocery for us, or help in any way, and then refuse to allow us to pay for what they buy for us. Even when we give them a list, they often come back with more than we asked for. Two more neighbors have dropped in just at the right time with meals. They just "happen" to be making extra, and thought of us.

For two very special, generous and industrius friends - We have two friends who helped us work through difficulties. One modified our home to allow wheelchair access to the bathroom at a very low cost, and another built us a hitch platform to carry the scooter at a low cost, making our lives much easier.

For my employer and 1st and 2nd line managers - My employer and my managers have been very understanding during all of this time. They have allowed me to flex my schedule to be able to make the numerous trips out of town for treatment and appointments for Kim's care. They have worked with me through so very much.

For the TRACS program - TRACS arranged for a wheelchair ramp to be built at cost for us, which has opened up a new world.

For the late Robert Ludlum, whose books have provided a refuge for us. As we lie awake and read just before bedtime each night, we have been able to, for a little while, enjoy the exciting, clandestine experiences of his protagonists and heroes, while not wanting to put down the book in the midst of such incredible story lines. What a gift!

We are so very blessed. We recognize God brought all of this into our lives, and is our consistent and faithful provider, but it is good to remember, and to remind ourselves and others that God truly will never forsake us nor leave us, and that He always provides, even in the seemingly bleakest moments.

May we all know the fullness of the depth, height, breadth and intensity of His love for us.

Jeff

Now there's a church I just might be able to go to...

2006-09-05T20:24:00.000-05:00

I saw this again the other day, and was reminded of a few things. I've been so disappointed with so many church environments that promise so much and deliver so little, it would be truly refreshing to see this on a church sign out front.

I mean, wow. How I enjoy hanging out with people who just don't know anything, and aren't selling anything or trying to build their own empire. It's so refreshing - no "holier than thou", no judgement, no comparisons - just people seeking to know God in a deeper way, and willing to admit how much we don't know.

We may be wrong. We may be right. It doesn't really matter to us, because we are growing to know God more, and we are encouraging each other to just "be"- be who God made each of us to be. We don't have the answers. We don't need to "fix" anyone, because they may or may not even be broken, and only God really knows.

I would love to continue the discussion with any folks who happen onto this site and are interested in this discussion. If you're looking for a philosophical, hermaneutical, homeletical debate, please pass on by, but if you, like me, realize that the only things that matter are real and intimate relationships and knowing God, then come on by and stay a while.

Gotee

At the Bottom of Everything...

2006-08-05T00:06:00.000-05:00

This song cracked me up... Especially a couple of lines, like "While my mother waters plants, my father loads his gun." It has been amazing to me sometimes to see how people think (or don't).

Maybe this is an exaggeration, but I think it makes a great point.
ENJOY!

Jeff

At The Bottom Of Everything Lyrics
Artist(Band):Bright Eyes

So there was this woman and
she was on an airplane and
she's flying to meet her fiancé
sailing high above the largest ocean
on planet earth and she was seated
next to this man who you know
she had tried to start a conversation
but really the only thing
she heard him say was to order his bloody mary
and she's sitting there and she's reading
this really arduous magazine article about this
third world country that she couldn't
even pronounce the name of and
she's feeling very bored and very despondent
and then uh suddenly there's this huge mechanical failure and one of the engines gave out
and they started just falling thirty thousand feet
and the pilots on the microphone and he's saying,
"I'm sorry, I'm sorry, Oh My God, I'm Sorry"
and apologizing and she looks at the man and she says,
"where are we going" and he looks at her and he says,
"We're going to a party, it's a birthday party.
It's your birthday party, happy birthday darling.
We love you very, very, very, very, very, very, very much."
and then he starts humming this little tune and it kind of goes like this:

One, Two, One, Two, Three, Four
We must talk in every telephone, get eaten off the web
We must rip out all the epilogues from the books we have read
And to the face of every criminal strapped firmly to a chair
We must stare, we must stare, we must stare

We must take all of the medicines too expensive now to sell
Set fire to the preacher who is promising us hell
And in the ear of every anarchist who sleeps but doesn't dream
We must sing, we must sing, we must sing

And it'll go like this
While my mother waters plants, my father loads his gun.
He says, "Death will give us back to God,
just like the setting sun
is returned to the lonesome ocean."

And then they splashed into the deep blue sea
It was a wonderful splash

We must blend into the choir, sing a static with the whole
We must memorize nine numbers and deny we have a soul
And to this endless race for property and privilege to be won
We must run, we must run, we must run

We must hang up in the belfry where the bats in moonlight laugh
We must stare into a crystal ball and only see the past
And in the caverns of tomorrow with just our flashlights and our love
We must plunge, we must plunge, we must plunge

And then we'll get down there,
way down to the very bottom of everything
and then we'll see it, we'll see it, we'll see it, we'll see it

Oh my morning's coming back
The whole worlds waking up
Oh the city bus is swimming past
I'm happy just because
I found out I am really no one

See you on the other side?

2006-07-10T09:59:00.000-05:00

A few years ago, I was talking with God about our relationship. I wanted to really understand His love and perspective, and to be able to see myself as He sees me. He responded with the song below, complete with guitar chords, and touched my heart in a very deep way. What perhaps touched me the most was how far off this was from what we were presented with at church at the time. I think if we ever really grasp His love and how He sees us, we will forever be changed.

For us, we hear all the time "It's all about You, Jesus". But for Him, it's about US. There is nothing holy or wonderful about "wormy" thinking ("I'm nothing but a low-down, dirty, rotten sinner saved by grace", "I'm not worthy of His love", etc.). These are entrapments and bondages and we are not to take them up again once we have received His love, grace and forgiveness and have been made new. "Behold, all things have passed away - everything is new". In many places in scripture, He tells us that He is our "Ishi" (husband). I can't imagine that any husband would rather his bride lay at his feet all the time, or only serve him all the time... (after all, she is his bride). I believe he would rather take her into his arms so that they might fully enjoy each other, investing their lives together, building a strong, loving, lasting relationship.

Perhaps this is a stretch for you, but this is the relationship God has brought to us... He is available to us, and desires that we draw near and enjoy Him and that He could enjoy us. There are so many traps along the way - busyness, obligations, legalism, religion, feelings, unworthiness, fear, and so many more... but if we can see through them and see Him, we will never be satisfied with anything less. Can you hear Him singing to you? Calling to you? Do you see Him waiting for YOU? Oh, how He desires YOU... See if you can hear Him...

Waiting Here For You

1^st Verse:
I’m waiting here for you, My beloved Bride

Waiting for you to lay all those things aside

Have I asked for your service? Your worship, or sacrifice?

All I’ve really wanted is for you to love Me all of your life

2^nd Verse:
I’m waiting here for you, My beloved Bride

Waiting to share with you My heart and My mind

If you are willing, if it’s Me your thinking of -

All I’ve really wanted is for us to share our love

3^rd Verse:
I’m waiting here for you, My beloved Bride

You once were taken, dear, from my wounded side

If you will come unto Me, then you will see great things

Come share My love, My Bride, in the shelter of My wings

Chorus:
Will you love Me? Will you be with Me?

Will you truly be Mine?

I am waiting here for you, if you only have the time.

Ending:
I am waiting here for you, if you only have the time.

I am waiting here for you, will you find the time?

So - can we cross the bridge from performance, works and service over to the land of pure love, grace and intimacy with God? I hope to see you on the other side.

Jeff

*By the way, the photo at top was taken by my sister-in-law at Jekyll Island, GA, a couple of week ago.

Hope in the Midst of Chaos

2006-07-10T09:51:00.000-05:00

This was posted recently by Kim Clement. It was a great encouragement to me personally...
Enjoy.
Jeff

July 6, 2006

Kim Clement: "Hope in the Midst
of Chaos"

The Word "Crisis"

The word "crisis" in the Chinese language has two symbols that define its meaning. One represents "potential danger," and the other represents "hidden opportunity." So it appears that the Chinese indicate in their beliefs, that a crisis isn't always a bad thing. Even though there is potential for danger, there is an equal amount of hidden opportunity. They have the attitude that a crisis has the potential to take them to a better place.

See From God's Perspective

This brings us to the subject of perspective. We take away the hidden opportunity when we blame God for whatever "crisis" we have found ourselves in. We must learn to see from God's perspective, and draw truth from chaos. God will show you the measure of opportunity that can come out of a crisis.

In Hebrew, the word for crisis is the same word they used to describe a "birth stool," which was the seat Jewish women sat on as they gave birth. So during a crisis, you are giving birth. Out of this pain, you are going to bring forth something great, and it will come from within you. Instead of trying to lay blame, remember that God has given you a promise.

When Joseph was falsely imprisoned, instead of hiding away in misery, he prospered. Joseph believed he was to take advantage of his circumstances. He knew he would make it through--to the promise God had given him. He prophesied and interpreted dreams while he was in prison.

Hidden Opportunity

When you find yourself in a crisis, you must function as though you are already living in your promise. In crisis, do what God told you to do, and you will find what is hidden.

The hidden opportunity is the potential danger, because we are preached to on a continuous basis about how bad our circumstances are. We are not often encouraged enough to discover the hidden opportunity. The Bible says that God shares His secrets (hidden opportunities) with His servants, the prophets.

Instead of showing those who are lost and blinded by sin that there is a hidden opportunity in their present circumstances, the church is constantly trying to get rid of those who have problems that are too hard to deal with, such as homosexuality and pedophilia.

Your crisis can become the birthing ground for unrealized destiny. Crisis always produces equal measures of devastation and opportunity, and anyone will agree that it is considered an unpleasant thing.

Dwelling Carelessly

Proverbs 29:18, "Where there is no vision, the people perish...."

I did a study in the Scandinavian Bible on Proverbs 29:18, and their version is slightly different than our English version. The Scandinavian version says, "Without progressive revelation, the people dwell carelessly." To dwell carelessly means to live loosely by speaking badly of one another and fighting one another.

When a church is dwelling carelessly by gossiping and fighting with each other, they have no progressive or future insight. This usually happens when the eschatology has the escapism perspective (we must get out of here). By adapting this kind of thinking, they have taken progressive revelation away from the people.

What is Hope

When you have hope, but have not seen it, that is progressive revelation. Paul said in Romans, that hope is no longer hope, when it is felt and seen with the natural eye. Hope is only hope, when you DON'T have what you are hoping for in your hands yet.

Without hope, you will not live. When God gives you a sure prophetic word about your future, hope is once again given to you (activated). When you don't have something in your hands, you work harder to get it. The eschatology that teaches that we are "going home" soon, takes away any hope for the future. Why should we sit around and wait?

Look Forward to Your Destiny

We are tired of the church that tells us to sit around and wait for Jesus to come back. We know that He will return, but we also know that no man will know the day or the hour of His return. We aren't to know the time of His return, so that we can continue to hope and work towards our destiny-- both as a whole human race, and as individual souls.

I encourage you to get some progressive revelation in your life and continue to look to the future. Don't worry about the mistakes of others, but help them to see from a divine perspective, and continue to progress in revelation.

Push for your destiny, and keep hope alive when the enemy rises up against you, because hope will keep you alive!

By Kim Clement
Prophetic Image Expressions
www.kimclement.com

He LIKES ME, so I can just BE...

2006-06-29T22:22:00.000-05:00

You know, a while back, I realized something really significant. It's not that I'm that smart - but
when God shows you something so very clearly, it's pretty hard to miss.

HE LIKES ME.

There. That's it. It's so simple, yet so life changing when we really "get it". I really get it - HE LIKES ME. I mean, I knew he always loved me, and that's great. Like a parent of a teenager - never stops loving the kid, but doesn't always LIKE him or her. But HE isn't even like that. HE LIKES ME. He made me just like I am, and HE LIKES ME. Wow! What a freedom.

Maybe you weren't raised like I was. Maybe you are going "yeah, I get it, so what's the big deal?"

The big deal is this - as a child who was raised to be a performer - one who could never measure up to the expectations - THIS IS HUGE. I always knew it wasn't about works, and that I was secure in God, but I was always left with the picture of Him being disappointed or upset with me over my poor choices, my "sin", and so forth.

What HE has shown me is that all of that was COMPLETELY dealt with at the cross, and that the righteousness of CHRIST has been IMPUTED (put on, placed upon, attributed to, accounted to) ME (and YOU). "He, who knew no sin, was made to BE sin, that we (who knew no righteousness) would be MADE TO BE the RIGHTEOUSNESS OF GOD." 2 Corinthians 5:21.

Not only that, HE LIKES ME (and YOU). We can be free to just BE who He made us to be. It's not what we DO that determines who we are. We are who HE says we are. Who we ARE will determine what we DO, if we only realize who we are and whose we are, and that He isn't angry with us. HE LIKES US.

J

Being Really ALIVE

2006-06-20T18:53:00.000-05:00

The article below really spoke to me today. Kim and I had been talking about how our circumstances had brought us to a place where we were not really living. 4 years has been a very long time. I mean we are surviving, but not really enjoying the simple things and the true blessings around us. Our friends have been so very good to us, and our families have been even more amazing. Another friend called us last night (we are in North Carolina, for another trip to the doctor), at the end of a very difficult day, to tell us they were praying, and that they felt God leading them to send us a title for the next few months to help cover medical expenses. God never ceases to amaze us. He told us at the beginning that if we would let go and not try to "work it out", He would bring us through in a "most unexpected way". Well, he continues to take care of us month by month, day by day. Some days, I have felt like I couldn't go another step, only to find a friend coming along side, to help hold us up.... We have been givers for many years, and have met needs of others, and it has been very humbling to be in a place of such great need, but I will forever be grateful to all of those who have helped us in such real, tangible ways. Prayer is incredible, but prayer coupled with action is even more amazing. We are so blessed to be surrounded by such incredible friends and family, and yet - some days, it's really hard to live - to just enjoy what we DO have, and enjoy what we CAN enjoy. There isn't much Kim can do right now - she can't walk, stand, drive, even sit up or feed herself sometimes, and the strain on all of us can be tough, but we must learn to live here. We can't put all of life on hold until this time ends. We have to live - each day. I thank God for what He is teaching us here, and long for the day when we truly live regardless of our circumstances... in complete peace and the strength that only comes from Him and the relationships He works through in our lives.

Some well meaning folks have felt the need along the way to impress upon us that our situation is a result of something wrong in our lives. After living through that and hearing God's perspective on it, I will never be able to lay that crap on anyone. I also don't ever want to hand out "pat answers" or "just believe" statements again, either. They're hollow when you are in such a place that you realize you have no control over the situations or bringing them to an end. Only God holds the answers, the ending, and the results. They are all His, and we would be better off just listening to what He tells us about ourselves, rather than trying to figure out how to "fix" others. THANK YOU GOD for the friends who have loved us and not tried to "fix" us. God told us He likes us the way we are, and we are so thankful for friends who do, too...

Jeff

Ras Robinson's Posts can be found at http://www.injesus.com/index.php?module=group&task=details&GroupID=RB005YO1

FULLNESS ON LINE

WHAT THE LORD IS SAYING TODAY - June 20, 2006
Ras Robinson
Jun 20 2006 07:00AM

June 20, 2006. Live it boldly. Awaken to the new day before you. Rise and shine. Let the glory of the Lord radiate from your life today. The bird nests outside my window are empty. The baby birds are becoming adults. They are singing with all their heart and voice that this is the greatest day before them. Here is My word to you: Greet this day with a smile and with a determination to make someone happy today. Get lost in serving others. Show the world around you what Jesus looks like in the flesh. Dare to be bold and very courageous in all you do. Refuse to live your life sparingly. Rather, live it abundantly and overflowing with His fullness all day long. Reckon yourself dead to sin and to yourself and explode through being alive to Christ. Fervently express the indiscernible Jesus living with your body. Live it boldly.

John 10:10 "The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I came that they may have life, and have it abundantly."

IRONIC, isn't it?

2006-06-17T00:56:00.000-05:00

I thought this picture was incredibly ironic - PEACE ON EARTH in an old picture in front of the World Trade Center... What an amazing prophetic paradox of irony...

taken from "Ironic" - Alanis Morissette

An old man turned ninety-eight
He won the lottery and died the next day
It's a black fly in your Chardonnay
It's a death row pardon two minutes too late
And isn't it ironic...dontcha think

It's like rain on your wedding day
It's a free ride when you've already paid
It's the good advice that you just didn't take
Who would've thought...it figures

Mr. Play It Safe was afraid to fly
He packed his suitcase and kissed his kids goodbye
He waited his whole damn life to take that flight
And as the plane crashed down he thought
"Well isn't this nice..."
And isn't it ironic...dontcha think

It's like rain on your wedding day
It's a free ride when you've already paid
It's the good advice that you just didn't take
Who would've thought...it figures

Well life has a funny way of sneaking up on you
When you think everything's okay and everything's going right
And life has a funny way of helping you out when
You think everything's gone wrong and everything blows up
In your face

A traffic jam when you're already late
A no-smoking sign on your cigarette break
It's like ten thousand spoons when all you need is a knife
It's meeting the man of my dreams
And then meeting his beautiful wife
And isn't it ironic...dontcha think
A little too ironic...and yeah I really do think...

It's like rain on your wedding day
It's a free ride when you've already paid
It's the good advice that you just didn't take
Who would've thought...it figures

Life has a funny way of sneaking up on you
Life has a funny, funny way of helping you out
Helping you out

Ever feel this way? I know for us, with all we have been going through, it seems like alot of "would be" opportunities are before us, and yet, we are so blessed, and so well cared for, and so tremendously and unconditionally loved... isn't it IRONIC how we can be going through so much and yet be so completely surrounded by the love of God? Wow. amazing. sometimes in the most difficult of situations, we find ourselves and find God in such a deeper and more intimate way...
How ironic that the times of greatest gain are often during the times of greatest loss...
and how the love of a friend who doesn't have to explain "why" you're going through what you're going through can carry you through...

Jeff

Freedom Time, Anyone?

2006-05-12T10:30:00.000-05:00

Freedom Time
by Lauryn Hill

Everybody knows that they're guilty,
Everybody knows that they've lied
Everybody knows that they're guilty,
yes resting on their conscience, eating their insides.

It's freedom, said it's freedom time now,
It's freedom, said it's freedom time now.
Time to get free, oh give yourselves up now,
it's freedom, said it's freedom time

There's a war in the mind over territory for the dominion
Who will dominate the opinion, schisms and -isms
Keeping us in forms of religion,
conforming our vision to the world church's decision
Trapped in a section, submitted to committee election
Moral infection, epidemic lies and deception
Insurrection of the highest possible order
Distorting our tape recorders from hearing like under water
Beyond the borders fond of sin and disorder,
bound by the strategy of systemic depravity
Heavy as gravity, head-first in the cavity without a bottom
A fate worse than Sodom
What's got 'em drunk off the spirits,
truth comes we can't hear it
'when you've been programmed to fear it
I had a vision I was falling in indecision,
appalling, calling religion some program on television
How could dominant wisdom be recognized
in a system of antichrists and majority rules
Intelligent fools, PhDs in illusion,
masters of mass confusion, bachelors of past delusion
Now who you choosin, the head or the tail
The bloodshed of the male, or confidence in the veil
Conferences at Yale discussing doctrines of Baal,
causing people to fail, keeping the third in jail
His word has nailed everything to the tree,
severing all of me from all that I used to be
Formless and void, totally paranoid,
enjoyed darkness as Lord, keeping me from the sword,
I was blocked from mercy, bitter than cerasee
hungry and thirsty for good meat
we would eat and still dine at the table of deceit
How incomplete
From confrontation to retreat,
we prolonged the true enemies' defeat
Destitute of necessity
Causing desperation to get the best of me
Punishment till there was nothing left of me,
realizing the unescapable death of me
No options in the valley of decision
The only doctrine supernatural circumcision
Inwardly only water can purge the heart from words
The fiery darts thrown by the workers of the arts
Iniquity, shapen in, there's no escaping
when your whole philosophy is paper thin
In vanity, the wide road is insanity
Could it be all of humanity?
Picture that. Scripture that!
The origin of man's heart is black
How can we show up for an invisible war
Preoccupied with a shadow, making love with a whore,
aching in sores, Babylon the great mystery,
mother of human history, system of social sorcery
Our present condition needs serious recognition
Where there's no repentence there can be no remission,
and that sentence more serious than Vietnam,
the atom bomb, and Saddam, and Minister Farrakhan
What's going on? What's a priority to you?
By what authority do we do
The majority hasn't a clue
We've majored in curses,
search the chapters, check the verses,
recapture the land, remove the mark from off our hands,
so we can stand in agreement with His command
Everything else is damned, let them with ears understand.
Everything else is damned, let them with ears understand…

It's freedom, said it's freedom time now,
It's freedom, said it's freedom time now.
It's freedom, I'm a be who I am,
it's freedom time, said it's freedom time

Everybody knows that they've lied,
Everybody knows they've perpetrated inside
Everybody knows that they're guilty
yes, resting on their conscience, eating their insides.

Get free, be who your supposed to be, freedom, said it's freedom time now, freedom, said it's freedom time, freedom, freedom time.

Lauryn Hill is one of my favorites & well known from her history with the Fugees.... but this song is awesome. It is so cutting and directly aimed at "the system" - you know the one - "the system" that controls people and keeps them enslaved to its purposes. The same system that always has agendas - usually the self-serving, "using" type of agendas and motives. And to top it off, add a healthy portion of pride, false humility and indignation at any questioning or skepticism aimed at it or its use and misuse of the resources (money, people, etc.) to build serve itself. Perhaps freedom is really just laying down all of the religion (the man-made stuff, not true religion - true religion is, after all, taking care of the widows, orphans and poor, right?), deception, selfishness, hostility, criticism, jugement... and the list goes on... and instead, choose to simply BE and simply LOVE. Hmmm.... It's one I think I need to ponder for a bit... How bout you? Jeff

Nothing in Return....

2006-05-06T22:19:00.000-05:00

"You Owe Me Nothing In Return"

- Alanis Morissette

I'll give you countless amounts of outright acceptance if you want it
I will give you encouragement to choose the path that you want if you need it
You can speak of anger and doubts your fears and freak outs and I'll hold it
You can share your so-called shame filled accounts of times in your life and I won't judge it
(and there are no strings attached to it)

You owe me nothing for giving the love that I give
You owe me nothing for caring the way that I have
I give you thanks for receiving it's my privilege
And you owe me nothing in return

You can ask for space for yourself and only yourself and I'll grant it
You can ask for freedom as well or time to travel and you'll have it
You can ask to live by yourself or love someone else and I'll support it
You can ask for anything you want anything at all and I'll understand it
(and there are no strings attached to it)

You owe me nothing for giving the love that I give
You owe me nothing for caring the way that I have
I give you thanks for receiving it's my privilege
And you owe me nothing in return

I bet you're wondering when the next payback shoe will eventually drop
I bet you're wondering when my conditional police will force you to cough up
I bet wonder how far you have now danced you way back into debt
This is the only kind of love as I understand it that there really is

You can express your deepest of truths even if it means I'll lose you and I'll hear it
You can fall into the abyss on your way to your bliss I'll empathize with
You can say that you have to skip town to chase your passion I'll hear it
You can even hit rock bottom have a mid-life crisis and I'll hold it
(and there are no strings attached)

You owe me nothing for giving the love that I give
You owe me nothing for caring the way that I have
I give you thanks for receiving it's my privilege
And you owe me nothing in return

Isn't that what real love and friendship at the truest level is like? We have been very fortunate, as we go through these very difficult times, to be surrounded by a special few who we are able to completely be this way with. It goes both ways. Anything is ok between all of us. We truly accept each other, and put no expectations on how the other will act or react, handle or mishandle situations, make good or bad choices or decisions, or anything else. We simply love each other unconditionally.

That unconditional love has utterly changed our lives. Irreversable change has occurred in my heart. I am no longer content with superficial relationships that are prone to offense, disappointment, disillusionment, unrealistic expectations, masks, and so much more. It is so comfortable and safe to be with friends who truly love you, and to be able to still be safe and secure, even when I am at my very worst.

To Greg & Jodie, I will forever be grateful. Their love for us, and friendship with us, has been truly one of a kind. They have seen my best and worst, and yet, they have loved me unconditionally. I am thankful they were able to hang in there with us when most others disappeared. Our love for them has grown as well. There has never been a place for judgement or correction or "fixing" - we just hang out, enjoying each other, sharing in each others' lives. They are our family in the truest sense of the word. We are blessed and our lives are richer for knowing them.

Jeff

Represent = RE-PRESENT?

2006-05-01T20:48:00.001-05:00

What do we represent?

I've been thinking alot lately about the word "represent". What in the world do we really represent?

I broke the word down into two parts -
"re" - to do again.
"present" - to show or demonstrate.

So what do we really "re-present" to the world?

Do we present Christ again? Do we look like Him to the world?

Do we "re-present" anything? or possibly even "mis-re-present" something or someone?

Perhaps what we "re-present" is the core of what we really love and believe, about what is important, about the world, our God, ourselves and others.

What the Bleep?!?

2006-04-24T21:13:00.000-05:00

What the "bleep" do we know? I mean, when it really comes down to it, what do we know?

I used to think I knew alot. Perhaps I know very little. But I do know Who loves me. I do know He wants the best for me. I want to live intentionally. I want to discover the endless possibilities for altering my everyday reality.

Perhaps our bodies respond to what we think and say about ourselves. Perhaps this affects the condition our bodies are in and how they function or fail to do so.

Are we limited by what we believe to be true? If our beliefs changed, would it change or eliminate the limitations?

If you'd like to look at things like this, and maybe stretch your "thinking box", click on the "What the Bleep?!?" line above... The video can be purchased from PBS if you are interested... Another "What the bleep" is coming soon to theaters - It will be called "What the Bleep?!? Down the Rabbit Hole"... Let me know what you think about this....

The Wall

2006-04-17T06:45:00.000-05:00

The Wall

Kansas

I'm woven in a fantasy,
I can't believe the things I see
The path that I have chosen now
has led me to a wall
And with each passing day I feel
a little more like something dear was lost

It rises now before me,
a dark and silent barrier between,
All I am, and all that I would ever want to be
It's just a travesty, towering,
marking off the boundaries
my spirit would erase

To pass beyond is what I seek,
I fear that I may be too weak
And those are few who've seen it through
to glimpse the other side,
The promised land is waiting
like a maiden that is soon to be a bride

The moment is a masterpiece,
the weight of indecision's in the air
It's standing there,
the symbol and the sum of all that's me
It's just a travesty, towering, blocking out the light and blinding me

I want to see

Gold and diamonds cast a spell,
it's not for me I know it well
The treasures that I seek
are waiting on the other side
There's more that I can measure
in the treasure of the love that I can find
And though it's always been with me,
I must tear down the Wall and let it be

All I am, and all that I was ever meant to be, in harmony
Shining true and smiling back at all who wait to cross
There is no loss

As I read these words, I am reminded of my own path, and how God so diligently and faithfully has touched my life, steadily reconciling who He made me to be with the reality I live out. Many times, the process is painful, almost unbearable. Yet, He is there, helping me to tear down the wall, holding me together, reforming my heart and life. Many times, the wall is of my own thinking and making, and is due to the deceptions and lies I have believed. The wall appears to be solid rock, and yet, it is thin as paper. Perhaps the most difficult thing to obtain is the thing one already has been given....

A Most Unexpected Way...

2006-03-20T09:01:00.000-05:00

Since I last posted, we have been to NC again and had the Groshon catheter installed, and started IV Antibiotics for my wife Kim (Being_Me). I have been signed off on the procedures for administering IV's (M-W-F) and for dressing changes (weekly). Not much difference yet - she still is unable to walk or even stand for more than a couple of seconds. She cannot get up on her own, and has to use a wheelchair. We are working with a local group to try to get a wheelchair ramp built, because getting out of the house in an emergency right now would be difficult. We are covered for the first 28 days by insurance. Beyond that, we have to appeal - the initial request was denied. The cost, if we have to pay out of pocket is about $1000 per week, on average. At first, this was overwhelming. We didn't sleep much. God told us that if we would let it go, and let Him have it, He was going to take care of us and provide in a "most unexpected way"...

An amazing thing has happened. A family member sent our history to someone at their church to ask them to pray. The pastor got the message and took time during a service last Sunday night to share it with the congregation. He had all the men in the congregation come down and pray for our family. Then again, he talked about it at the staff meeting. Now, a group have started putting together a flyer and contact to collect funds and help us with expenses. Also, some family members have already contacted us as well, wanting to assist with expenses. My dad has committed to cover the cost of the wheelchair ramp. My mom is a nurse and has helped out with additional supplies and being available to answer any questions. She even came up to stay with us to help with the first dressing changes, and cleaned our house. My sister-in-law satyed with the kids for us to go to the Dr in NC. All of our family have offered to help in any way they can. Uncles and cousins have sent money, as have friends, and friends of friends and family. We are just overwhelmed at the caring and outpouring...

God is truly taking care of our needs in a most unusual way, and we are so blessed. I know He will see us through to the end. There is also new news from recent tests that may well be the cause of the loss of motor skills, etc. Every step of the way, God has been holding our hands and leading us along. We are so blessed, and in a most unexpected and unusual way.

Jeff

Fellowship of Suffering

2006-02-26T13:19:00.000-05:00

We have discovered, over the years, a fellowship of suffering. It's a little like being a member of a club you never wanted to join. The other members are awesome - many broken, transparent, hurting, with a deep sense of loss, but nonetheless incredibly kind, loving, supportive, very solid people.

The man who fears suffering is already suffering from what he fears. -- Michel de Montaigne

We have been through a great deal of suffering over the years. I responded to them in many different ways, but discovered early that suffering can produce what nothing else can in our lives. We have suffered the loss of loved ones who died so young. We have suffered through the loss of 3 miscarriages, and the emptiness left by the absence of those precious ones. We have suffered through pains, disappointments, realization of disillusionment, betrayal, and so much more.

For the past 4 years, we have been going through very difficult circumstances. Kim has been very sick during this time. There are many who want to label this as cause & effect, saying "there must be something wrong in your life for this to be happening to you", or "you just aren't having enough faith", etc. For some reason, some people feel they need to judge us and our circumstances. Thankfully, our Daddy holds us close, telling us He is at the heart of this, and will deliver us. We are also often amazed at those who come along side us, encourage us, and love us just the way we are. Some as a few miles away, and others are across the world, but we are nevertheless amazed at their love, caring, prayers, and concern for us.

I thank God for the fellowship of suffering. It is so good not to be alone when situations seem so very overwhelming.

I wonder if others out there have had similar experiences.

Jeff

Unknown...

2006-02-14T15:26:00.000-05:00

When I have been at the deepest times of shaky footing and even free-falling, during some of the most difficult days of my life, I can feel so totally out of control (as if I was really controlling anything anyway).

It's never comfortable, for me, being crushed, stretched, broken, transparent, vulnerable, naked, alone, destroyed, smashed to pieces, and left in a dark room.... I recognize the value of the process and the result, and that phenomenal growth can take place during these times, but it's still really hard to let go and fall. My tendency is to try to hold on with all my might, grappling for the edge of the ledge that is slipping away from me... until....
I find peace in the midst of the storm and begin to hold on to Him instead...
I think this sums it up pretty well...

"unknown" by Lifehouse

This doubt is screaming in my face
This familiar place sheltered and concealed
and if this night won't let me rest
don't let me second guess
what I know to be real
put away all I know for tonight
and maybe I just might learn to let it go
take my security from me
maybe finally I won't have to know everything

I am falling into grace to the unknown
to where you are and faith
makes everybody scared
it's the unknown the don't know
that keeps me hanging on and on and on to you

I got nothing left to defend
I cannot pretend that everything makes sense
but does it really matter now
if I do not know how
to figure this thing out

I am falling into grace to the unknown
to where you are and faith
makes everybody scared
it's the unknown the don't know
that keeps me hanging on and on and on to you

I'm against myself again
trying to fit these pieces in
walking on a cloud of dust to get to you

I am falling into grace to the unknown
to where you are and faith
makes everybody scared
it's the unknown the don't know
that keeps me hanging on

and I am falling into grace to the unknown
to where you are and faith
makes everybody scared
it's the unknown the don't know
that keeps me hanging on and on and on to you

And so I hang on and on and on.... as I fall into grace - safely in the arms of the Lover of my soul... the infinite One, who is able to do immeasurably more than I can ask or imagine, and although I may not know what tomorrow holds, I know who holds me in His arms, comforting me, and wiping away every tear, as He gently binds my wounds, calms my fears, and deeply loves me. I am transformed.

Jeff

Upside Down?

2006-02-13T14:07:00.000-05:00

Are we living life upside down? I recently rediscovered a song (it was re-released on a new Russ Lee CD) that had meant alot to me in the early 80's. The words are just as pertinent today as they were then - maybe more so....

"LIVING LIFE UPSIDE DOWN"
John has a new way of looking at life
He's tired of his job, his kids and his wife
He says the secret to his success
Was in leaving and finding himself
Now he's someone to somebody else.
And you say we've risen to a new age of truth
You're calling it a spiritual Godly pursuit
But I say, I say,

(chorus)
What if we've fallen to the bottom of a well
Thinking we've risen to the top of a mountain
What if we're knocking at the gates of hell
Thinking we're heaven bound
What if we spend our lives thinking of ourselves
When we should have been thinking of each other
What if we reach up and touch the ground
To find we're living life upside down.

We've got a program for saving the earth
While unborn children are denied their right to birth
One baby's blessed, another cursed
Have we made this world better or worse
Now that the life of a tree comes first
And you say we've risen to a new age of light
You're telling me what used to be wrong is now right
But I say, I say,
(repeat chorus)

What if we're living, what if we're living,
What if we're living life upside down.

The lines that particularly hit home today in our world are you say we've risen to a new age of truth, You're calling it a spiritual Godly pursuit and you say we've risen to a new age of light
You're telling me what used to be wrong is now right, and the chorus. Have we, as a generation, lost our compass of what is wrong and what is right? Perhaps things are not as they appear. I believe it's worth questioning:
What if we've fallen to the bottom of a well
Thinking we've risen to the top of a mountain?
What if we're knocking at the gates of hell
Thinking we're heaven bound?
What if we spend our lives thinking of ourselves
When we should have been thinking of each other?
What if we reach up and touch the ground
To find we're living life upside down?

Jeff

Daddy, I've Come Home...

2006-02-09T10:35:00.000-05:00

This poem was written by Danny Steyne, shortly after his daughters were kidnapped in December, 2000. He recieved his answer in the miracle of a phone call from the FBI on February 2, 2006, letting him know they were found safe, and were coming home....
more can be found about the story at www.elijahlist.com today, under News Extra...

I expect you
I look for you every day
My heart cries out for your presence
In the house that is your home
I expect you suddenly
To appear at my front door
Saying words I've longed to hear
Daddy, I've come home. . .

When I read it, several things struck me. The love of a father for his children - that ernest expectation of their return, the longing for them and the pain of thier absence. I hear in his words the longing to hold them close, to tell them he loves them.

I also hear in these words the heart of a Heavenly Father, whose heart is crying out for the presence of His children. He also ernestly awaits their return with expectation. Oh, how He longs for those of us who are so busy, so unavailable, so distracted and unaware, to appear at His "front door", saying those words He's longed to hear - "Daddy, I've come home..."

There Must Be More....

2006-02-09T09:06:00.000-05:00

I thought of this as I was reading Kingsjoy's (David's) latest blog...
There is a song that has been a cry of my heart for much of my life...

"There Must Be More" by David Ruis
Lord I groan, Lord I kneel
I'm crying out for something real
For I know, deep in my soul,
There must be more

Lord, I'm tired
Yes, I'm weak
I need Your Power to work in me
'Cause I can't let go - I keep holding on
There must be more
There must be more

River flow
Fire Burn
Holy Spirit breathe on me

There is such a renewed hunger in me to know God so much deeper. I realize that this is an unexhaustable pursuit - I mean that He is unexhaustable, and though I know Him deeper and deeper, His depth is infinite. He is completely amazing and wonderful - the kindest person I have ever known. He is my friend, my God, the Lover of my soul, the Lifter of my head, my salvation, my restorer, my sin-bearer, my burden-bearer, my ISHI (husband), my comforter... and so much more.

Yesterday was one of those "Verse 2" days, from the song above. I was so tired, and so weak. Our circumstances sometimes feel so completely overwhelming to me. On those days, I really need His Power to work in me, to do what needs to be done, to love those around me through me, to keep me consistently kind and gentle toward those I love, and to express transparently my love for Kim, and really appreciate her fully, in a way that she can understand and enjoy.

Hosea 6 -

"Come, and let us return to Yahweh; for he has torn us to pieces, and he will heal us; he has injured us, and he will bind up our wounds.

6:2 After two days he will revive us. On the third day he will raise us up, and we will live before him.

6:3 Let us acknowledge Yahweh. Let us press on to know Yahweh. As surely as the sun rises, Yahweh will appear. He will come to us like the rain, like the spring rain that waters the earth."

It is amazing how God has used our relationship to break our hearts, bind up the brokenness, lift us up and heal us. It is so humbling to be totally transparent - for nothing to be hidden from someone you love so much. For that person to see your flaws and still love and like you. Oh, how my heart has been ravaged. I am broken, the wound is bound up, and I know the lifting and healing is coming, but oh, how I long for it. How hard it is to wait. So hard to want so badly to be healed and restored, but to have to wait for it. It would seem cruel if it were not for the knowing that all things are working together for our good. Somehow, this is little comfort while walking through this time, and yet I hold on... longing for the day. I am in such need of "watering"...

Jeff

Questions and Answers...

2006-02-07T14:29:00.000-05:00

An excerpt from the lyrics of "11 O'Clock Tick Tock" by U2...

We thought that we had the answers

It was the questions we had wrong

How many times do we search out answers in our lives? Do we believe that knowing the answers will help us get to where we want to be? How many conferences do we attend, how many books do we read, and how many messages and sermons do we listen to, trying to find the answers to the questions that race around in our heads?

What are we going to do? How are we going to get out of this mess? What do I need to do to get healed? Why can't I stop doing that? What is wrong with me? Why can't my life be normal? Why do I have to go through this? and so on, and so on...

Have you ever considered that the value of the answers to our questions are entirely dependent on the quality of the questions asked? If our questions are loaded with suppositions, how can we be sure those suppositions are correct? What if those suppositions are negative, does that somehow sabotage ourselves? If so, are there questions we can ask that have positive suppositions instead? Does it even matter?

Is it ok to question anything? everything? authority and leadership? the Bible? even God?

So where do all of these questions lead? Are there questions that exist that, when answered, provide us with solutions and outcomes that we desire? Do the questions that remain unanswered draw us to deeper fellowship and relationship with God and others?

Perhaps the questions only lead to more questions... I don't have the answers, and I'm not even sure I have the right questions! But I do know I am exactly where I am supposed to be, and I know God loves me - and that He likes me.

By the way, He likes you, too... He told me... ;-)

I'd love to hear what you think about this...

Jeff

Soar with Me....

2006-02-07T07:46:00.000-05:00

From Ras Robinson, February 4, 2006.

Soar with the eagles. All over the world I have given eagles to inspire My righteous ones. I tell you to catch the wind of My Spirit and lift off to the heavenlies every day of your life. You were never intended to forage, scratch and dig on the wilderness floor for your sustenance and blessings. Rather, you are to look up to the sky and the mountain from which comes your strength. You already know the joy of the Lord to be your strength. Receive My joy when you let the warm currents of the Holy Spirit’s love for you lift you heavenward. Lift your eyes. Soar with the eagles.

Isaiah 40:31 “Yet those who wait for the Lord will gain new strength; they will mount up with wings like eagles, they will run and not get tired, they will walk and not become weary.”

So where are we? Are we scratching around the barnyard, afraid to fly, like a chicken? Are we making a bunch of noise, flapping our wings, and stirring up dust like a turkey? Are we feeding off of dead stuff like a vulture? Are we crowing about our circumstances or in judgement of others? Are we blind as a bat to what Daddy is doing?

Or...

Have we recognized that we are as eagles, and we can soar high on the gusts of the Holy Spirit, realizing that the strongest gusts come during the most difficult times, and only those gusts can carry us so very high that as we fly into the sun (Son), our pursuers and enemies lose sight of us in it (Him)? When it is time to learn to fly, the adult eagle first tears up the nest, pulling all of the soft feathers and straw out, leaving only uncomfortable thorns. Then she takes the baby bird on her wing and flies very high. Finally, she tips her wing and allows the baby to fall. The baby eagle rarely learns to fly on the first drop, so the mother swoops under the baby and catches it. Then she flies high again and drops the baby, over and over, until the baby bird begins to spread its wings and catch gusts of air and fly... Learning to fly opens up a whole new world to the baby eagle.

Has your nest been torn up? Has life become uncomfortable? Or maybe the you were flying high on a wing, and found yourself suddenly free-falling?

I believe I hear Daddy today saying, "Come, soar with Me... It's time to fly..."

I'd love to hear where you are in your flying lessons... I think I'm still in the "plummeting toward earth at an incredible speed, in disbelief that I was just dropped - again! after having the nest torn up and getting really uncomfortable" part... LOL

Jeff

Who are You?

2006-02-06T17:33:00.000-05:00

Who are you?
You might answer by giving your name. But your name does not define who you are.

Who are you?
You might answer by describing your job. That is what you do, but not who you are.

Who are you?
You might answer that you are so-and-so's husband or wife or father or mother or brother or sister or friend or son or daughter. These are all roles you may play, but not who you are.

Who are you?
You might answer that you belong to such-and-such a church or organization or have membership in a society or group. That's all well and good, but not who you are.

The things we do are not what defines us. Changing what we do will never change who we are. Knowing who we are, however, can utterly transform what we do. If we do not know who we are, the world will be happy to attempt to tell us who it thinks we are.

So - WHO ARE YOU?

Our Deepest Fear...

2006-02-06T15:19:00.000-05:00

I recently read this quote -

"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that frightens us most. We ask ourselves, "Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, and famous?" Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that people won't feel insecure around you. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in all of us. And when we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others."

Marianne Williamson

This touched me in a deep way.

Who are we to deny that we are who God made us to be?

When our circumstances become more than we can bear, what will we do? What will we do when the pressures are high? What about when there seem to be no others who are going in the direction we know we must go?

Will we be afraid, or will be be bold? Will we stand or will we cower, afraid to step out in power and confidence in Him who made us, and in what He made us to be?