Posts
I've been thinking about this alot lately....
Why are so many of us seemingly so consumed with what others think or expect of us? or worse yet, what we think they expect of us? I mean from Washington to the West Coast, it seems like image is the focus... the desire to be accepted and approved... We bust on politicians for swinging like a barn door in a windstorm, and yet, when it comes down to it, most of us cave to the pressures of expectations, either perceived or real...
So, Real or Plastic? I think that's the real choice... to be real or to be image... Real means risking rejection for who we really are... but plastic means something much worse, I think - it means rejecting ourselves...
On a similar line of thinking, what about how we relate to others? Sure, we're harder on ourselves than anyone else... but still, do we accept and love? or do we judge? Judging isn't just rejecting... we can judge someone good, as well, but it's still judgement. And on top of that, it's like most people want others to judge them - good, that is... Everything from acting out to see if rejection will be returned, to "do these pants make me look fat?"....
What a freedom to be able to simply love - to love ourselves and to love others - without the need to correct, label, reject or judge... just complete acceptance. I am so thankful to those who have loved me that way, and have forever impacted my life and my thinking. Without which I am not sure I would have ever believed it possible. Some can fake it for a few days or a few years, even... but these folks have consistenly demonstrated it for more than 10 years... You know who you are - thanks for showing me a better way, and for encouraging me to be who I am made to be...
Blessings and much love -
J/
Monday, January 28, 2008
Real or Plastic? Love or Judge?
Wednesday, December 26, 2007
Scream! Another Day in Paradise! You Learn, etc.
Well, folks, this isn't gonna be a warm and fuzzy Christmas post. If that bothers you, STOP READING NOW. I mean it. Really. This is gonna be off, and I know it, so deal with it.
I recommend walking around naked in your living room
Swallow it down (what a jagged little pill)
It feels so good (swimming in your stomach)
Wait until the dust settles
You love you learn
You cry you learn
You lose you learn
You bleed you learn
You scream you learn
to anyone I certainly do
I recommend sticking your foot in your mouth
at any time feel free
Throw it down (the caution blocks you from the wind)
Hold it up (to the rays)
You wait and see when the smoke clears
You love you learn
You cry you learn
You lose you learn
You bleed you learn
You scream you learn
Melt it down (you're gonna have to eventually anyway)
The fire trucks are coming up around the bend
You love you learn
You cry you learn
You lose you learn
You bleed you learn
You scream you learn
You grieve you learn
You choke you learn
You laugh you learn
You choose you learn
You pray you learn
You ask you learn
You live you learn
Monday, October 22, 2007
There You Are
I open my eyes
and there You are
The touch of the wind on my face
The sun on my skin
I hear You in the songs of the birds
I taste You in the salt air
I breathe You in
I see You in the colors of the sea and sky
Brilliant and incomparable
I think of You
and You are as close as my breath
In this moment I wonder
How can I ever feel alone?
And yet, at times, I do
How is it that You can be so close
I know You are here always
and yet, I feel longing?
emptiness?
incomplete?
Perhaps it is that You are here
and we are playing hide and seek
You are so close, and I do not see You
Or maybe my senses have dulled
distracted by busy-ness and life
or deceived by religious lies
about You or about me
But then I realize, once again
You have been here all the time
There You are!
Even though You never left me
I have missed You so
Help me keep my eyes on You
as You hold me close for eternity....
(c) 2007, J.A.D.
Tuesday, September 18, 2007
Thrills, Spills and Other Adventures
Monday, August 27, 2007
You'll always be my baby...
Artist: Sara Evans
my love is there wherever you may be
oh the last thing that I want to do is let him down
whatever road you may be on
just remember that you will always be my baby.
Saturday, August 11, 2007
In Our Father's Eyes....
Thursday, August 02, 2007
In Daddy's Arms
Friday, July 27, 2007
Early Morning Reflections
Tuesday, July 24, 2007
The Circle of My Reflection
Slowly now
Slow my heart rate
Speak deliberately
Deep
Beloved
Special in my own way
Wind down
Lie down
Let go
J/ (c) 2007
Tuesday, July 17, 2007
Seeing God.... Beyond the Lies
and ENJOY HIM ENJOYING US...
Sunday, July 15, 2007
Lousy At Math
Tuesday, July 10, 2007
ENERGY/ATTITUDE MATRIX
This was an interesting self-evaluation tool for me today. I would love to tell you that I am always in the "most effective" box, but THAT WOULD BE A BIG OLE FAT LIE. Sooooo.....
I didn't see a SELF-DECEPTION box either, so I guess I have to settle somewhere into fluctuating between Too Busy/Stressed, Jaded, Bitter/Angry & Most Effective, probably in that order, too.
So, if ya dare, where are you? Aw c'mon....
Jeff
Sunday, July 08, 2007
Thursday, July 05, 2007
www.madchurchdisease.com
click on logo to visit the site...
if you have seen it before, sorry, but it was very interesting to me...
check out the topic, surveys and links... but warning, if you are really into church and defending it as it is today, you will probably not like it, so STOP READING HERE.
Mad Church Disease -
I am glad I no longer suffer from it... and I feel for those who still do.
Wow... this is a very insightful and tremendous project. I related to the logo - 'Beat Up. Burned Out.' At the point where we left church, I really felt that way. We weren't angry, we weren't hurt... well, ok, we were hurt, but we have since been healed and are no longer hurt.
We have been gone for 3 years now. For some time now, when I drive by the church we used to attend, I feel nothing at all - not anger, not hurt, not numb, just NOTHING. It has really become completely foreign and irrelevant to my life, which is surprising, considering I spent most of my 38 years in one church or another, with it being such a huge part of my life. I was in so many different lay-leadership, volunteer positions, outreach and ministry positions, and was also a deacon. I saw the best and the worst at different times, but one thing that broke my heart was when the best was squelched and killed by controlling leadership.
Since leaving, one thing that has changed significantly is my heart... specifically, how my love for Christ, relationships in my life, and my acceptance and love for others (espcially those I don't agree with), has continued to grow by leaps and bounds. Being able to be free to love and not judge has been a tremendous gift. Our children have quickly adapted away from the legalism and 'religious' mindsets, and have developed so much compassion and love for people. Our giving since that time has been directed into the lives of those in need that God reveals to us. Most recently, we also are receiving help from others, as the financial burdens of my wife's illness have been staggering, and the Lord has prompted them to help. What a blessing to be so cared for and prayed for - prayer with action.
Honestly, between the weekly verbal battering over the demand for giving more and more (we were giving 23% at that time, by the way), and the guilt trips over every missed services, we felt that what God had been speaking to us was so very different from the church's message, that the church's message had become irrelevant. Seemed to me that the church system as we knew it was completely 'mad'. Probably not what they meant by Mad Church, but anyway...
From all appearances, it had become little more than a combination between a country club and a reptilian (think of a crocodile) corporate entity - abusive to employees and members alike. The leadership seemed to be filled with building their own legacy and kingdom than God's, and it seemed they saw themselves as accountable and answerable to nobody. Even in the face of questions and several mass-exoduses, it did not change or alter their approach or attitudes, except perhaps to demonstrate even more dictatorial and harsh behavior. The promises that were made 'on behalf of God' were always 'right around the corner', but never arrived, year after year. It wasn't for lack of believing... but hope deferred made the heart sick. It got to where I couldn't even attend a service without being nauseated.
Also, knowing every staff member personally, the consistent message and expectation of staff members and lay leaders was that church ministry was more important than family. Although never spoken in this way, the implication was clear. I have since come to realize that all of the busyness, programs, and such, take away from our time to really get to know each other, to develop deep and lasting 'keeping' relationships, and pull us away from having this development time with friends and family. All the while, our family was going through so much with family illness, and while the church was aware, and we let our needs and situations be known, we were pretty much completely ignored. I believe in prayer, but when it is accompanied by judgement or gossip, rather than assistance, I think it has no real value. Real prayer and real love mean real concern, real reaching out, and often, real action.
Since leaving, we have had much more time available to develop relationships. We now know many more of our neighbors, and have developed true, transparent, deep relationships with some. In these relationships, rather than church, we have found the truest definitions of fellowship, ministry, relationship, depth, having things in common (sharing what we have as each one needs), and in the development and raising of our children. We have been cared for by both those who attend church and those who don't - some believers, some not. God told us at the start that He would meet our needs in 'a most unusual way', and He has. I am more in love with Him now than ever. He has been everything to me during the darkest of days, as well as the brightest, and has never left us.
Don't get me wrong - I am not 'against' church. I am just 'for' relationships of depth and meaning - both with God and with people. Many people we love are still in church. We aren't trying to pull them out. We just know that until we see gatherings that are really centered around caring for one another and loving God, hearing His voice and ministering to people, without the hierarchy, the 'system' and the controlling leadership, we aren't really interested, and it will not be a part of our lives.
Another thing that impressed me about the site link above was the depth and rawness of the survey questions on the website (www.madchurchdisease.com). The questions hit at real issues that exist, which are often ignored or even buried in most church settings. Church should be a place to heal, learn, prepare, and then be launched out into the world, and should be a safe place to open up, sharing needs and hurts - but the truth is, most, nearly all, are NOT safe. Sharing an issue that is one of the 'bad' ones can cost you your reputation, position, job (if you work for the church), relationships... it can be devastating, to be sure.
When we get real, and develop real relationships, they can be life-transforming. They can also carry us through the most difficult times of our lives. I am so thankful for those who have come along beside us and held us together when our circumstances were tearing us completely apart. You guys know who you are....
J.
Thursday, June 28, 2007
Monday, June 18, 2007
....made me who I am....
Sunday, April 29, 2007
How to Save a Life
I've thought alot over the past 18 years about a friend from high-school, Bill, who was 17 years old back then. I had graduated and moved on to college, and had had no idea at the time what he was going through. It was so similar to what I had gone through myself. But his situation ended in tragedy, as he was alone one evening.
His parents were out for the evening, and he was home alone. He called a mutual friend, asking if they could go hang out, but the friend was sick, and didn't feel up to getting out. The friend offered that if he needed anything, he would come anyway, but Bill assured him it was ok.
A few hours later, Bill was dead. He had shot himself with a rifle, severing his spine, and slowly bled to death. All of us were completely devastated. We really had no idea, especially those of us who had graduated and moved on...
But Bill had written a paper earlier that year for an English class. It was entitled "The Curse of Being Popular". Bill was president of the senior class. He was a "straight-A" student. He was well liked and had many friends. His paper was about how you never know, when you are popular, whether people are around you because they are really your friends, or because they want to be popular by association. He went on to say that it is strange that you can be in a group of people, or even be surrounded by people, and still be completely alone. I learned about Bill's paper at the funeral. Many were very deeply affected. I was one.
I have thought many things over the years - about how I could have ended up the same way. About how many times God had intervened in my life. About how He sent so many people into my life just for the express purpose of helping me go on through the most difficult times of my life. I think about the young man from one of my high-schools who heard God one night and drove up to where I was, in an isolated, dark place, and told me to get in the truck - that he had something to say to me - which was that God loved me and I didn't need to do what I was about to do... he knew my situation because God told him. And the yount lady who dropped by on the weekend when most everyone else had gone home from college, when I was at a very low point. She knocked on my door, came in and talked with me, hung out with me, and we got drunk together. That's all that happened, and she saved my life, though she never even knew it.
I also have thought about the people who had no idea how hurtful their words were. So many careless, judgemental, angry, hurtful words. I felt so much pain back then. I thought I wanted to die. But there was so much more for me... all I needed was a glimpse of it.
I think about things like all I would have missed. I think about my beautiful, sweet wife, and the relationship we have. I think about our friends, that have been so faithful and loving through the current difficulty we are going through with Kim's health. I think about the two wonderful sons we have that would have never been born. I think about the love I have both given and received. I am so blessed. I am so very well cared for. What a blessing to know how much God loves me, how my wife loves me, how my children love me, and my friends love me. I am rich because of their love, and I love each of them dearly. Most of all, what a blessing to know that God not only loves me, but that He accepts me, and that I am dear to Him, and special to Him, and that He carries me through the most difficult days, even back when I thought I didn't want to get through them. He knew better. He knew and still knows best. What a joy to turn over the problems, the anger and frustrations, and the control and worry to Him.
I hear the song below by the Fray pretty often. It is one of the songs that helps me remember and reflect on all of this above, and I am so thankful. Why were people there for me, but it didn't work that way for Bill? Why have so many I have known died young, and I live? Why did Lyn get Leukemia and die? Why did Chip die of Hodgkin's disease? Why did Rob die of cancer? Why is Kim sick now?
I don't understand why things happen the way they do, but I do know there is One who loves us all. I know that He loves us very dearly, and as I have had children, I understand that even more, perhaps. He says, "I know the plans I have for you - to prosper you and not to harm you, to give you a future and a hope...", but why are some of those hopes aborted or missed out on? I don't know. And I don't know how many days I have on this earth, but I do know that I am loved. And I do know that life isn't about how many things I can accumulate, and that my worth doesn't come from things. I know who I am now, and would not exchange that for anything in the world.
Sometimes, we affect so many around us without even knowing it. Sometimes, we are the positive force that moves others to healing, or to growth.... sometimes, we are the negative force that can bring damage or loss. Other times, we are the catalyst that brings others to a point of decision.... and I believe much of this goes on without our awareness, unless we are keenly paying attention to others. How many people have I passed today or even talked with today? How many of those are facing difficulty or experiencing suffering or pain? Do I even care?
I have decided that I do care. I made the decision that I want to see things for what they really are, and to love people unconditionally. I don't want the rosie picture, and the fake friends, and the house full of junk I don't really need anyway. I want to invest into the lives of those around me, and to love them, whatever that means. Thankfully, I am blessed to have those in my life who also pour into me in this way.
Fray
How To Save A Life
Step one you say we need to talk
He walks you say sit down it's just a talk
He smiles politely back at you
You stare politely right on through
Some sort of window to your right
As he goes left and you stay right
Between the lines of fear and blame
And you begin to wonder why you came
Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life
Let him know that you know best
Cause after all you do know best
Try to slip past his defense
Without granting innocence
Lay down a list of what is wrong
The things you've told him all along
Pray to God he hears you
And I pray to God he hears you
Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life
As he begins to raise his voice
You lower yours and grant him one last choice
Drive until you lose the road
Or break with the ones you've followed
He will do one of two things
He will admit to everything
Or he'll say he's just not the same
And you'll begin to wonder why you came
Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life
Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life
How to save a life
How to save a life
Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life
Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life
How to save a life
If you are reading this post from my heart, and you are feeling down, alone or like it isn't worth it to go on, please - I beg you - please, press on through. There are so many whose life you touch. There is One who loves you more than you can imagine. There is a very unique life ahead that only YOU can live. Please don't abort the hope within you, or allow yourself to be sabotaged into believing it isn't worth it. My life is very hard even now - Kim has been fully disabled for several years now, and she struggles with not only pain and weakness, but also with the heartache of missing out on so many things. But we both know FOR SURE that we want to live to the fullest extent we are capable, and to enjoy our lives and those around us, no matter what. And so can you....
Much love and peace and grace to each of you -
GOTEEMAN
Wednesday, January 03, 2007
Important to Know - Reason, Season or Lifetime
(My closest and most special LIFETIME relationship)I recieved part of this recently, and I thought this was worth posting - it's a critical thing to understand - if we aren't aware or misunderstand these in our lives, it can really be painful, difficult, or even lead to catastrophic results. If we are not aware, we may give priority and place to the "wrong" relationships, and ignore, damage and even lose the most important relationships of our lives.
People come into our lives for a reason, a season or a lifetime. When you know which one it is, you will know what to do for that person. When someone is in your life for a REASON, it is usually to meet a need. You or they have come to assist through a difficulty, to provide encouragement, guidance and support, to aid physically, emotionally or spiritually. They may seem like a godsend - and they are. They are there for the reason you need them to be. Then, without any wrongdoing on your part or at an inconvenient time, this person will say or do something to bring the relationship to an end. Sometimes they die. Sometimes they walk away. Sometimes they act up and force you to take a stand. What we must realize is that the need has been met, the desire fulfilled, the work is done, and now it is time to move on.
Some people come into your life for a SEASON, because your turn has come to share, grow or learn. They bring you an experience of peace or make you laugh. They may teach you something you have never done before. They usually give you an unbelievable amount of joy. Believe it, it is real. But only for a season, and once the season is over, it is time to move on again.
LIFETIME relationships teach you lifetime lessons, things you must build upon in order to have a solid emotional foundation. Your job is to accept the lesson, love the person and put what you have learned to use in all other relationships and areas of your life. It is said that love is blind but friendship is clairvoyant. You grow together for a lifetime, and share deeply. This type of relationship is lifelong and lasting, and if we value it, can be a great treasure.
Thank you for being a part of my life, whether you were/are a reason, a season or a lifetime relationship.
Jeff
Tuesday, December 12, 2006
C'ya Later...
Last post for a while - too much to do, and I really don't have time to keep up with this anymore. Good news is that we are making progress with Kim's recovery... but we are swamped right now, so I gotta cut back to just the things I really have to do right now. Thanks to all of you who have become "blog friends", and I wish you all the best, especially Dion Pugil, Darla, Michael, MelaniePearl, Marc, Stephen and Margie. I may still try to surf some of yours now and then, but I won't be posting here for a while.
C'ya Later...
Goteeman
Tuesday, November 14, 2006
Bye bye, Rummy, Bye bye....
I ran across this late night tribute to Rumsfeld, and wanted to share it with my friends....
Enjoy!
GM
