Freedom Time, Anyone?

Freedom Time
by Lauryn Hill

Everybody knows that they're guilty,
Everybody knows that they've lied
Everybody knows that they're guilty,
yes resting on their conscience, eating their insides.

It's freedom, said it's freedom time now,
It's freedom, said it's freedom time now.
Time to get free, oh give yourselves up now,
it's freedom, said it's freedom time

There's a war in the mind over territory for the dominion
Who will dominate the opinion, schisms and -isms
Keeping us in forms of religion,
conforming our vision to the world church's decision
Trapped in a section, submitted to committee election
Moral infection, epidemic lies and deception
Insurrection of the highest possible order
Distorting our tape recorders from hearing like under water
Beyond the borders fond of sin and disorder,
bound by the strategy of systemic depravity
Heavy as gravity, head-first in the cavity without a bottom
A fate worse than Sodom
What's got 'em drunk off the spirits,
truth comes we can't hear it
'when you've been programmed to fear it
I had a vision I was falling in indecision,
appalling, calling religion some program on television
How could dominant wisdom be recognized
in a system of antichrists and majority rules
Intelligent fools, PhDs in illusion,
masters of mass confusion, bachelors of past delusion
Now who you choosin, the head or the tail
The bloodshed of the male, or confidence in the veil
Conferences at Yale discussing doctrines of Baal,
causing people to fail, keeping the third in jail
His word has nailed everything to the tree,
severing all of me from all that I used to be
Formless and void, totally paranoid,
enjoyed darkness as Lord, keeping me from the sword,
I was blocked from mercy, bitter than cerasee
hungry and thirsty for good meat
we would eat and still dine at the table of deceit
How incomplete
From confrontation to retreat,
we prolonged the true enemies' defeat
Destitute of necessity
Causing desperation to get the best of me
Punishment till there was nothing left of me,
realizing the unescapable death of me
No options in the valley of decision
The only doctrine supernatural circumcision
Inwardly only water can purge the heart from words
The fiery darts thrown by the workers of the arts
Iniquity, shapen in, there's no escaping
when your whole philosophy is paper thin
In vanity, the wide road is insanity
Could it be all of humanity?
Picture that. Scripture that!
The origin of man's heart is black
How can we show up for an invisible war
Preoccupied with a shadow, making love with a whore,
aching in sores, Babylon the great mystery,
mother of human history, system of social sorcery
Our present condition needs serious recognition
Where there's no repentence there can be no remission,
and that sentence more serious than Vietnam,
the atom bomb, and Saddam, and Minister Farrakhan
What's going on? What's a priority to you?
By what authority do we do
The majority hasn't a clue
We've majored in curses,
search the chapters, check the verses,
recapture the land, remove the mark from off our hands,
so we can stand in agreement with His command
Everything else is damned, let them with ears understand.
Everything else is damned, let them with ears understand…

It's freedom, said it's freedom time now,
It's freedom, said it's freedom time now.
It's freedom, I'm a be who I am,
it's freedom time, said it's freedom time

Everybody knows that they've lied,
Everybody knows they've perpetrated inside
Everybody knows that they're guilty
yes, resting on their conscience, eating their insides.

Get free, be who your supposed to be, freedom, said it's freedom time now, freedom, said it's freedom time, freedom, freedom time.

Lauryn Hill is one of my favorites & well known from her history with the Fugees.... but this song is awesome. It is so cutting and directly aimed at "the system" - you know the one - "the system" that controls people and keeps them enslaved to its purposes. The same system that always has agendas - usually the self-serving, "using" type of agendas and motives. And to top it off, add a healthy portion of pride, false humility and indignation at any questioning or skepticism aimed at it or its use and misuse of the resources (money, people, etc.) to build serve itself. Perhaps freedom is really just laying down all of the religion (the man-made stuff, not true religion - true religion is, after all, taking care of the widows, orphans and poor, right?), deception, selfishness, hostility, criticism, jugement... and the list goes on... and instead, choose to simply BE and simply LOVE. Hmmm.... It's one I think I need to ponder for a bit... How bout you? Jeff

Nothing in Return....

"You Owe Me Nothing In Return"


- Alanis Morissette



I'll give you countless amounts of outright acceptance if you want it
I will give you encouragement to choose the path that you want if you need it
You can speak of anger and doubts your fears and freak outs and I'll hold it
You can share your so-called shame filled accounts of times in your life and I won't judge it
(and there are no strings attached to it)

You owe me nothing for giving the love that I give
You owe me nothing for caring the way that I have
I give you thanks for receiving it's my privilege
And you owe me nothing in return

You can ask for space for yourself and only yourself and I'll grant it
You can ask for freedom as well or time to travel and you'll have it
You can ask to live by yourself or love someone else and I'll support it
You can ask for anything you want anything at all and I'll understand it
(and there are no strings attached to it)

You owe me nothing for giving the love that I give
You owe me nothing for caring the way that I have
I give you thanks for receiving it's my privilege
And you owe me nothing in return

I bet you're wondering when the next payback shoe will eventually drop
I bet you're wondering when my conditional police will force you to cough up
I bet wonder how far you have now danced you way back into debt
This is the only kind of love as I understand it that there really is

You can express your deepest of truths even if it means I'll lose you and I'll hear it
You can fall into the abyss on your way to your bliss I'll empathize with
You can say that you have to skip town to chase your passion I'll hear it
You can even hit rock bottom have a mid-life crisis and I'll hold it
(and there are no strings attached)

You owe me nothing for giving the love that I give
You owe me nothing for caring the way that I have
I give you thanks for receiving it's my privilege
And you owe me nothing in return

Isn't that what real love and friendship at the truest level is like? We have been very fortunate, as we go through these very difficult times, to be surrounded by a special few who we are able to completely be this way with. It goes both ways. Anything is ok between all of us. We truly accept each other, and put no expectations on how the other will act or react, handle or mishandle situations, make good or bad choices or decisions, or anything else. We simply love each other unconditionally.

That unconditional love has utterly changed our lives. Irreversable change has occurred in my heart. I am no longer content with superficial relationships that are prone to offense, disappointment, disillusionment, unrealistic expectations, masks, and so much more. It is so comfortable and safe to be with friends who truly love you, and to be able to still be safe and secure, even when I am at my very worst.

To Greg & Jodie, I will forever be grateful. Their love for us, and friendship with us, has been truly one of a kind. They have seen my best and worst, and yet, they have loved me unconditionally. I am thankful they were able to hang in there with us when most others disappeared. Our love for them has grown as well. There has never been a place for judgement or correction or "fixing" - we just hang out, enjoying each other, sharing in each others' lives. They are our family in the truest sense of the word. We are blessed and our lives are richer for knowing them.

Jeff

Represent = RE-PRESENT?

What do we represent?



















I've been thinking alot lately about the word "represent". What in the world do we really represent?


I broke the word down into two parts -
"re" - to do again.
"present" - to show or demonstrate.



So what do we really "re-present" to the world?


Do we present Christ again? Do we look like Him to the world?


Do we "re-present" anything? or possibly even "mis-re-present" something or someone?

Perhaps what we "re-present" is the core of what we really love and believe, about what is important, about the world, our God, ourselves and others.

What the Bleep?!?

What the "bleep" do we know? I mean, when it really comes down to it, what do we know?

I used to think I knew alot. Perhaps I know very little. But I do know Who loves me. I do know He wants the best for me. I want to live intentionally. I want to discover the endless possibilities for altering my everyday reality.

Perhaps our bodies respond to what we think and say about ourselves. Perhaps this affects the condition our bodies are in and how they function or fail to do so.

Are we limited by what we believe to be true? If our beliefs changed, would it change or eliminate the limitations?

If you'd like to look at things like this, and maybe stretch your "thinking box", click on the "What the Bleep?!?" line above... The video can be purchased from PBS if you are interested... Another "What the bleep" is coming soon to theaters - It will be called "What the Bleep?!? Down the Rabbit Hole"... Let me know what you think about this....

The Wall

The Wall

Kansas

I'm woven in a fantasy,
I can't believe the things I see
The path that I have chosen now
has led me to a wall
And with each passing day I feel
a little more like something dear was lost

It rises now before me,
a dark and silent barrier between,
All I am, and all that I would ever want to be
It's just a travesty, towering,
marking off the boundaries
my spirit would erase

To pass beyond is what I seek,
I fear that I may be too weak
And those are few who've seen it through
to glimpse the other side,
The promised land is waiting
like a maiden that is soon to be a bride

The moment is a masterpiece,
the weight of indecision's in the air
It's standing there,
the symbol and the sum of all that's me
It's just a travesty, towering, blocking out the light and blinding me

I want to see

Gold and diamonds cast a spell,
it's not for me I know it well
The treasures that I seek
are waiting on the other side
There's more that I can measure
in the treasure of the love that I can find
And though it's always been with me,
I must tear down the Wall and let it be

All I am, and all that I was ever meant to be, in harmony
Shining true and smiling back at all who wait to cross
There is no loss

As I read these words, I am reminded of my own path, and how God so diligently and faithfully has touched my life, steadily reconciling who He made me to be with the reality I live out. Many times, the process is painful, almost unbearable. Yet, He is there, helping me to tear down the wall, holding me together, reforming my heart and life. Many times, the wall is of my own thinking and making, and is due to the deceptions and lies I have believed. The wall appears to be solid rock, and yet, it is thin as paper. Perhaps the most difficult thing to obtain is the thing one already has been given....

A Most Unexpected Way...

Since I last posted, we have been to NC again and had the Groshon catheter installed, and started IV Antibiotics for my wife Kim (Being_Me). I have been signed off on the procedures for administering IV's (M-W-F) and for dressing changes (weekly). Not much difference yet - she still is unable to walk or even stand for more than a couple of seconds. She cannot get up on her own, and has to use a wheelchair. We are working with a local group to try to get a wheelchair ramp built, because getting out of the house in an emergency right now would be difficult. We are covered for the first 28 days by insurance. Beyond that, we have to appeal - the initial request was denied. The cost, if we have to pay out of pocket is about $1000 per week, on average. At first, this was overwhelming. We didn't sleep much. God told us that if we would let it go, and let Him have it, He was going to take care of us and provide in a "most unexpected way"...

An amazing thing has happened. A family member sent our history to someone at their church to ask them to pray. The pastor got the message and took time during a service last Sunday night to share it with the congregation. He had all the men in the congregation come down and pray for our family. Then again, he talked about it at the staff meeting. Now, a group have started putting together a flyer and contact to collect funds and help us with expenses. Also, some family members have already contacted us as well, wanting to assist with expenses. My dad has committed to cover the cost of the wheelchair ramp. My mom is a nurse and has helped out with additional supplies and being available to answer any questions. She even came up to stay with us to help with the first dressing changes, and cleaned our house. My sister-in-law satyed with the kids for us to go to the Dr in NC. All of our family have offered to help in any way they can. Uncles and cousins have sent money, as have friends, and friends of friends and family. We are just overwhelmed at the caring and outpouring...

God is truly taking care of our needs in a most unusual way, and we are so blessed. I know He will see us through to the end. There is also new news from recent tests that may well be the cause of the loss of motor skills, etc. Every step of the way, God has been holding our hands and leading us along. We are so blessed, and in a most unexpected and unusual way.

Jeff

Fellowship of Suffering

We have discovered, over the years, a fellowship of suffering. It's a little like being a member of a club you never wanted to join. The other members are awesome - many broken, transparent, hurting, with a deep sense of loss, but nonetheless incredibly kind, loving, supportive, very solid people.

The man who fears suffering is already suffering from what he fears. -- Michel de Montaigne

We have been through a great deal of suffering over the years. I responded to them in many different ways, but discovered early that suffering can produce what nothing else can in our lives. We have suffered the loss of loved ones who died so young. We have suffered through the loss of 3 miscarriages, and the emptiness left by the absence of those precious ones. We have suffered through pains, disappointments, realization of disillusionment, betrayal, and so much more.

For the past 4 years, we have been going through very difficult circumstances. Kim has been very sick during this time. There are many who want to label this as cause & effect, saying "there must be something wrong in your life for this to be happening to you", or "you just aren't having enough faith", etc. For some reason, some people feel they need to judge us and our circumstances. Thankfully, our Daddy holds us close, telling us He is at the heart of this, and will deliver us. We are also often amazed at those who come along side us, encourage us, and love us just the way we are. Some as a few miles away, and others are across the world, but we are nevertheless amazed at their love, caring, prayers, and concern for us.

I thank God for the fellowship of suffering. It is so good not to be alone when situations seem so very overwhelming.

I wonder if others out there have had similar experiences.

Jeff

Unknown...

When I have been at the deepest times of shaky footing and even free-falling, during some of the most difficult days of my life, I can feel so totally out of control (as if I was really controlling anything anyway).

It's never comfortable, for me, being crushed, stretched, broken, transparent, vulnerable, naked, alone, destroyed, smashed to pieces, and left in a dark room.... I recognize the value of the process and the result, and that phenomenal growth can take place during these times, but it's still really hard to let go and fall. My tendency is to try to hold on with all my might, grappling for the edge of the ledge that is slipping away from me... until....
I find peace in the midst of the storm and begin to hold on to Him instead...
I think this sums it up pretty well...

"unknown" by Lifehouse

This doubt is screaming in my face
This familiar place sheltered and concealed
and if this night won't let me rest
don't let me second guess
what I know to be real
put away all I know for tonight
and maybe I just might learn to let it go
take my security from me
maybe finally I won't have to know everything

I am falling into grace to the unknown
to where you are and faith
makes everybody scared
it's the unknown the don't know
that keeps me hanging on and on and on to you

I got nothing left to defend
I cannot pretend that everything makes sense
but does it really matter now
if I do not know how
to figure this thing out

I am falling into grace to the unknown
to where you are and faith
makes everybody scared
it's the unknown the don't know
that keeps me hanging on and on and on to you

I'm against myself again
trying to fit these pieces in
walking on a cloud of dust to get to you

I am falling into grace to the unknown
to where you are and faith
makes everybody scared
it's the unknown the don't know
that keeps me hanging on

and I am falling into grace to the unknown
to where you are and faith
makes everybody scared
it's the unknown the don't know
that keeps me hanging on and on and on to you

And so I hang on and on and on.... as I fall into grace - safely in the arms of the Lover of my soul... the infinite One, who is able to do immeasurably more than I can ask or imagine, and although I may not know what tomorrow holds, I know who holds me in His arms, comforting me, and wiping away every tear, as He gently binds my wounds, calms my fears, and deeply loves me. I am transformed.

Jeff

Upside Down?

Are we living life upside down? I recently rediscovered a song (it was re-released on a new Russ Lee CD) that had meant alot to me in the early 80's. The words are just as pertinent today as they were then - maybe more so....

"LIVING LIFE UPSIDE DOWN"
John has a new way of looking at life
He's tired of his job, his kids and his wife
He says the secret to his success
Was in leaving and finding himself
Now he's someone to somebody else.
And you say we've risen to a new age of truth
You're calling it a spiritual Godly pursuit
But I say, I say,

(chorus)
What if we've fallen to the bottom of a well
Thinking we've risen to the top of a mountain
What if we're knocking at the gates of hell
Thinking we're heaven bound
What if we spend our lives thinking of ourselves
When we should have been thinking of each other
What if we reach up and touch the ground
To find we're living life upside down.

We've got a program for saving the earth
While unborn children are denied their right to birth
One baby's blessed, another cursed
Have we made this world better or worse
Now that the life of a tree comes first
And you say we've risen to a new age of light
You're telling me what used to be wrong is now right
But I say, I say,
(repeat chorus)

What if we're living, what if we're living,
What if we're living life upside down.

The lines that particularly hit home today in our world are you say we've risen to a new age of truth, You're calling it a spiritual Godly pursuit and you say we've risen to a new age of light
You're telling me what used to be wrong is now right, and the chorus. Have we, as a generation, lost our compass of what is wrong and what is right? Perhaps things are not as they appear. I believe it's worth questioning:
What if we've fallen to the bottom of a well
Thinking we've risen to the top of a mountain?
What if we're knocking at the gates of hell
Thinking we're heaven bound?
What if we spend our lives thinking of ourselves
When we should have been thinking of each other?
What if we reach up and touch the ground
To find we're living life upside down?

Jeff

Daddy, I've Come Home...

This poem was written by Danny Steyne, shortly after his daughters were kidnapped in December, 2000. He recieved his answer in the miracle of a phone call from the FBI on February 2, 2006, letting him know they were found safe, and were coming home....
more can be found about the story at www.elijahlist.com today, under News Extra...

I expect you
I look for you every day
My heart cries out for your presence
In the house that is your home
I expect you suddenly
To appear at my front door
Saying words I've longed to hear
Daddy, I've come home. . .


When I read it, several things struck me. The love of a father for his children - that ernest expectation of their return, the longing for them and the pain of thier absence. I hear in his words the longing to hold them close, to tell them he loves them.

I also hear in these words the heart of a Heavenly Father, whose heart is crying out for the presence of His children. He also ernestly awaits their return with expectation. Oh, how He longs for those of us who are so busy, so unavailable, so distracted and unaware, to appear at His "front door", saying those words He's longed to hear - "Daddy, I've come home..."

There Must Be More....

I thought of this as I was reading Kingsjoy's (David's) latest blog...
There is a song that has been a cry of my heart for much of my life...

"There Must Be More" by David Ruis
Lord I groan, Lord I kneel
I'm crying out for something real
For I know, deep in my soul,
There must be more

Lord, I'm tired
Yes, I'm weak
I need Your Power to work in me
'Cause I can't let go - I keep holding on
There must be more
There must be more

River flow
Fire Burn
Holy Spirit breathe on me

There is such a renewed hunger in me to know God so much deeper. I realize that this is an unexhaustable pursuit - I mean that He is unexhaustable, and though I know Him deeper and deeper, His depth is infinite. He is completely amazing and wonderful - the kindest person I have ever known. He is my friend, my God, the Lover of my soul, the Lifter of my head, my salvation, my restorer, my sin-bearer, my burden-bearer, my ISHI (husband), my comforter... and so much more.

Yesterday was one of those "Verse 2" days, from the song above. I was so tired, and so weak. Our circumstances sometimes feel so completely overwhelming to me. On those days, I really need His Power to work in me, to do what needs to be done, to love those around me through me, to keep me consistently kind and gentle toward those I love, and to express transparently my love for Kim, and really appreciate her fully, in a way that she can understand and enjoy.

Hosea 6 -

"Come, and let us return to Yahweh; for he has torn us to pieces, and he will heal us; he has injured us, and he will bind up our wounds. 6:2 After two days he will revive us. On the third day he will raise us up, and we will live before him. 6:3 Let us acknowledge Yahweh. Let us press on to know Yahweh. As surely as the sun rises, Yahweh will appear. He will come to us like the rain, like the spring rain that waters the earth."

It is amazing how God has used our relationship to break our hearts, bind up the brokenness, lift us up and heal us. It is so humbling to be totally transparent - for nothing to be hidden from someone you love so much. For that person to see your flaws and still love and like you. Oh, how my heart has been ravaged. I am broken, the wound is bound up, and I know the lifting and healing is coming, but oh, how I long for it. How hard it is to wait. So hard to want so badly to be healed and restored, but to have to wait for it. It would seem cruel if it were not for the knowing that all things are working together for our good. Somehow, this is little comfort while walking through this time, and yet I hold on... longing for the day. I am in such need of "watering"...

Jeff

Questions and Answers...

An excerpt from the lyrics of "11 O'Clock Tick Tock" by U2...

We thought that we had the answers

It was the questions we had wrong

How many times do we search out answers in our lives? Do we believe that knowing the answers will help us get to where we want to be? How many conferences do we attend, how many books do we read, and how many messages and sermons do we listen to, trying to find the answers to the questions that race around in our heads?

What are we going to do? How are we going to get out of this mess? What do I need to do to get healed? Why can't I stop doing that? What is wrong with me? Why can't my life be normal? Why do I have to go through this? and so on, and so on...

Have you ever considered that the value of the answers to our questions are entirely dependent on the quality of the questions asked? If our questions are loaded with suppositions, how can we be sure those suppositions are correct? What if those suppositions are negative, does that somehow sabotage ourselves? If so, are there questions we can ask that have positive suppositions instead? Does it even matter?

Is it ok to question anything? everything? authority and leadership? the Bible? even God?

So where do all of these questions lead? Are there questions that exist that, when answered, provide us with solutions and outcomes that we desire? Do the questions that remain unanswered draw us to deeper fellowship and relationship with God and others?

Perhaps the questions only lead to more questions... I don't have the answers, and I'm not even sure I have the right questions! But I do know I am exactly where I am supposed to be, and I know God loves me - and that He likes me.

By the way, He likes you, too... He told me... ;-)

I'd love to hear what you think about this...

Jeff

Soar with Me....

From Ras Robinson, February 4, 2006.

Soar with the eagles. All over the world I have given eagles to inspire My righteous ones. I tell you to catch the wind of My Spirit and lift off to the heavenlies every day of your life. You were never intended to forage, scratch and dig on the wilderness floor for your sustenance and blessings. Rather, you are to look up to the sky and the mountain from which comes your strength. You already know the joy of the Lord to be your strength. Receive My joy when you let the warm currents of the Holy Spirit’s love for you lift you heavenward. Lift your eyes. Soar with the eagles.

Isaiah 40:31 “Yet those who wait for the Lord will gain new strength; they will mount up with wings like eagles, they will run and not get tired, they will walk and not become weary.”

So where are we? Are we scratching around the barnyard, afraid to fly, like a chicken? Are we making a bunch of noise, flapping our wings, and stirring up dust like a turkey? Are we feeding off of dead stuff like a vulture? Are we crowing about our circumstances or in judgement of others? Are we blind as a bat to what Daddy is doing?

Or...

Have we recognized that we are as eagles, and we can soar high on the gusts of the Holy Spirit, realizing that the strongest gusts come during the most difficult times, and only those gusts can carry us so very high that as we fly into the sun (Son), our pursuers and enemies lose sight of us in it (Him)? When it is time to learn to fly, the adult eagle first tears up the nest, pulling all of the soft feathers and straw out, leaving only uncomfortable thorns. Then she takes the baby bird on her wing and flies very high. Finally, she tips her wing and allows the baby to fall. The baby eagle rarely learns to fly on the first drop, so the mother swoops under the baby and catches it. Then she flies high again and drops the baby, over and over, until the baby bird begins to spread its wings and catch gusts of air and fly... Learning to fly opens up a whole new world to the baby eagle.

Has your nest been torn up? Has life become uncomfortable? Or maybe the you were flying high on a wing, and found yourself suddenly free-falling?

I believe I hear Daddy today saying, "Come, soar with Me... It's time to fly..."

I'd love to hear where you are in your flying lessons... I think I'm still in the "plummeting toward earth at an incredible speed, in disbelief that I was just dropped - again! after having the nest torn up and getting really uncomfortable" part... LOL

Jeff

Who are You?

Who are you?
You might answer by giving your name. But your name does not define who you are.

Who are you?
You might answer by describing your job. That is what you do, but not who you are.

Who are you?
You might answer that you are so-and-so's husband or wife or father or mother or brother or sister or friend or son or daughter. These are all roles you may play, but not who you are.

Who are you?
You might answer that you belong to such-and-such a church or organization or have membership in a society or group. That's all well and good, but not who you are.

The things we do are not what defines us. Changing what we do will never change who we are. Knowing who we are, however, can utterly transform what we do. If we do not know who we are, the world will be happy to attempt to tell us who it thinks we are.

So - WHO ARE YOU?

Our Deepest Fear...

I recently read this quote -

"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that frightens us most. We ask ourselves, "Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, and famous?" Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that people won't feel insecure around you. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in all of us. And when we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others."

Marianne Williamson

This touched me in a deep way.

Who are we to deny that we are who God made us to be?

When our circumstances become more than we can bear, what will we do? What will we do when the pressures are high? What about when there seem to be no others who are going in the direction we know we must go?

Will we be afraid, or will be be bold? Will we stand or will we cower, afraid to step out in power and confidence in Him who made us, and in what He made us to be?