Early Morning Reflections

Early Morning Reflections

3A.M.

Awake and Semi-conscious

Pondering and exploring

The depth, height, bredth of Your love for me

In the moonlight, I run to You

With open arms and heart full of love

None other can satisfy

The longing in my heart only for You

In Your eyes, pools of pure passion

Absent of all selfishness

Only true and holy desire

For me to come to You, to be with You

Each day bringing me closer

To the bridge so many have already crossed

Which will leave my body absent

And will leave me present with You

So much pain around me

Sometimes in me as well

So much suffering and loss

And yet, as long as I have You, I lack nothing

So strange to have lost so much and yet to have all I need

You tend my every need, and often my desires

You and I, forever, unchangeably one

Gratitude floods my heart and soul

In a crowd sometimes alone - Yet never truly alone

I hear Your voice, I feel Your touch

I know You are there, closer than my breath

Desiring me and loving me so much more than my mind can comprehend

I run to You, leaving it all behind

Worries, pain, trouble - now far behind

My eyes locked on You - Only You

And I behold You, as if for the first time

You welcome me with open arms and open heart

You hold me and tell me how You have missed me

And oh! Have I missed you!

You bid me come to stay with You, and I am overjoyed

Waves of joy and love wash over me

Taking away all but what You have placed in me

Healing the deep wounds

And leaving me with fullness instead

Deep within the heart of Your palm

I rest in the safety of knowing

No enemy dare follow me there in Your hand

For I am securely Yours

And now, as I close my eyes once again

Resting in the comfort of knowing

I have only touched the hem of Your presence

Yet one day, I will behold You in fullness

J/ (c) 2007

The Circle of My Reflection

The Circle of My Reflection

Awake

So much to do

Schedule full

Remember to breathe

Slowly now

Set priorities
Slow my heart rate

Speak deliberately

Love extravagantly

Reach out diligently

Remember to dream

Deep

Intimate

Genuine

Beloved

Accepted

True

Special in my own way

Accepted in every way

Loved beyond measure

Know myself

Wind down

Return to base

Take it all in

Breathe slowly

Lie down

Read and laugh

Breathe deeply

Kiss goodnight

Let go

Reflect

Rest

J/ (c) 2007

Seeing God.... Beyond the Lies

These three poems mean alot to me. They are by Meister Eckhart (1260-1328), and are part of the treasure he left behind. Perhaps he can help us see our Lord more clearly, beyond the lies we are told and have believed about Him....

It is a Lie

It is a lie - any talk of God

that does not

comfort

you.

He Told Me a Joke

My Lord told me a joke.

And seeing Him laugh has done more for me

than any scripture I will

ever read.

An Image That Makes Them Sad

How long will grown men and women in this world

keep drawing in their coloring books

an image of God that

makes them

sad?

May we see Him more clearly, love Him more truly, experience Him more deeply....

and ENJOY HIM ENJOYING US...

J.

Lousy At Math

a Poem by Hafiz, translated by Daniel Ladinsky... excerpted from "Love Poems from God"...

Lousy At Math

Once a group of thieves stole a rare diamond

larger than two goose eggs.

Its value could have easily bought three thousand horses

and three thousand acres of the most

fertile land in Shiraz.

The thieves got drunk that night to celegrate their great haul,

but during the course of the evening the effects of the liquir,

and their mistrust of each other grew to such an extent

they decided to divide the stone into pieces.

Of course, then the Priceless became lost.

Most everyone is lousy at math and does that to God -

dissects the Indivisible One,

by thinking, by saying,

"This is my Beloved, and he looks like this and acts like that,

how could that moron over there

really

be

God?"

So sad to me when the body of believers does that... dividing God into what they accept and do not accept, arguing over this or that characteristic or quality or ability or nature... or God's acceptance or rejection of another... Perhaps we are best off leaving all of that in God's hands to know and divide, for it is my belief that people SUCK at it....

Jeff

ENERGY/ATTITUDE MATRIX




This was an interesting self-evaluation tool for me today. I would love to tell you that I am always in the "most effective" box, but THAT WOULD BE A BIG OLE FAT LIE. Sooooo.....

I didn't see a SELF-DECEPTION box either, so I guess I have to settle somewhere into fluctuating between Too Busy/Stressed, Jaded, Bitter/Angry & Most Effective, probably in that order, too.

So, if ya dare, where are you? Aw c'mon....
Jeff

Well, he did it again... Ras is reading my mail...

WHAT THE LORD IS SAYING TODAY - Ras Robinson

Proper time.

You have heard clearly what to do. And now I am telling you this is the right and proper time to act. Your heart has become wise in that you now listen to My voice. Stop listening to the voices within you that stir up fear and all sorts of emotional distractions.

Too many counselors only lead to confusion. Listen the Lord your God. In the way, you cannot go wrong. You now have the proper time and I will show you the proper procedure. It will be obvious to you. Do not be distracted by the troubling that is heavy upon you. Rise to your feet and do the right thing, now.

Proper time.

Ecclesiastes 8:4 "He who keeps a royal command experiences no trouble , for a wise heart knows the proper time and procedure. For there is a proper time and procedure for every delight, though a man's trouble is heavy upon him."

www.madchurchdisease.com

click on logo to visit the site...
if you have seen it before, sorry, but it was very interesting to me...
check out the topic, surveys and links... but warning, if you are really into church and defending it as it is today, you will probably not like it, so STOP READING HERE.

Mad Church Disease -
I am glad I no longer suffer from it... and I feel for those who still do.

Wow... this is a very insightful and tremendous project. I related to the logo - 'Beat Up. Burned Out.' At the point where we left church, I really felt that way. We weren't angry, we weren't hurt... well, ok, we were hurt, but we have since been healed and are no longer hurt.

We have been gone for 3 years now. For some time now, when I drive by the church we used to attend, I feel nothing at all - not anger, not hurt, not numb, just NOTHING. It has really become completely foreign and irrelevant to my life, which is surprising, considering I spent most of my 38 years in one church or another, with it being such a huge part of my life. I was in so many different lay-leadership, volunteer positions, outreach and ministry positions, and was also a deacon. I saw the best and the worst at different times, but one thing that broke my heart was when the best was squelched and killed by controlling leadership.

Since leaving, one thing that has changed significantly is my heart... specifically, how my love for Christ, relationships in my life, and my acceptance and love for others (espcially those I don't agree with), has continued to grow by leaps and bounds. Being able to be free to love and not judge has been a tremendous gift. Our children have quickly adapted away from the legalism and 'religious' mindsets, and have developed so much compassion and love for people. Our giving since that time has been directed into the lives of those in need that God reveals to us. Most recently, we also are receiving help from others, as the financial burdens of my wife's illness have been staggering, and the Lord has prompted them to help. What a blessing to be so cared for and prayed for - prayer with action.

Honestly, between the weekly verbal battering over the demand for giving more and more (we were giving 23% at that time, by the way), and the guilt trips over every missed services, we felt that what God had been speaking to us was so very different from the church's message, that the church's message had become irrelevant. Seemed to me that the church system as we knew it was completely 'mad'. Probably not what they meant by Mad Church, but anyway...

From all appearances, it had become little more than a combination between a country club and a reptilian (think of a crocodile) corporate entity - abusive to employees and members alike. The leadership seemed to be filled with building their own legacy and kingdom than God's, and it seemed they saw themselves as accountable and answerable to nobody. Even in the face of questions and several mass-exoduses, it did not change or alter their approach or attitudes, except perhaps to demonstrate even more dictatorial and harsh behavior. The promises that were made 'on behalf of God' were always 'right around the corner', but never arrived, year after year. It wasn't for lack of believing... but hope deferred made the heart sick. It got to where I couldn't even attend a service without being nauseated.

Also, knowing every staff member personally, the consistent message and expectation of staff members and lay leaders was that church ministry was more important than family. Although never spoken in this way, the implication was clear. I have since come to realize that all of the busyness, programs, and such, take away from our time to really get to know each other, to develop deep and lasting 'keeping' relationships, and pull us away from having this development time with friends and family. All the while, our family was going through so much with family illness, and while the church was aware, and we let our needs and situations be known, we were pretty much completely ignored. I believe in prayer, but when it is accompanied by judgement or gossip, rather than assistance, I think it has no real value. Real prayer and real love mean real concern, real reaching out, and often, real action.

Since leaving, we have had much more time available to develop relationships. We now know many more of our neighbors, and have developed true, transparent, deep relationships with some. In these relationships, rather than church, we have found the truest definitions of fellowship, ministry, relationship, depth, having things in common (sharing what we have as each one needs), and in the development and raising of our children. We have been cared for by both those who attend church and those who don't - some believers, some not. God told us at the start that He would meet our needs in 'a most unusual way', and He has. I am more in love with Him now than ever. He has been everything to me during the darkest of days, as well as the brightest, and has never left us.

Don't get me wrong - I am not 'against' church. I am just 'for' relationships of depth and meaning - both with God and with people. Many people we love are still in church. We aren't trying to pull them out. We just know that until we see gatherings that are really centered around caring for one another and loving God, hearing His voice and ministering to people, without the hierarchy, the 'system' and the controlling leadership, we aren't really interested, and it will not be a part of our lives.

Another thing that impressed me about the site link above was the depth and rawness of the survey questions on the website (www.madchurchdisease.com). The questions hit at real issues that exist, which are often ignored or even buried in most church settings. Church should be a place to heal, learn, prepare, and then be launched out into the world, and should be a safe place to open up, sharing needs and hurts - but the truth is, most, nearly all, are NOT safe. Sharing an issue that is one of the 'bad' ones can cost you your reputation, position, job (if you work for the church), relationships... it can be devastating, to be sure.

When we get real, and develop real relationships, they can be life-transforming. They can also carry us through the most difficult times of our lives. I am so thankful for those who have come along beside us and held us together when our circumstances were tearing us completely apart. You guys know who you are....

J.

This guy seems to hit right where I am at alot of the time... did it again today... great note of encouragement to me where I am today.

FULLNESS ON LINE WHAT THE LORD IS SAYING TODAY - June 28, 2007 Ras RobinsonJun 28 2007 07:10AM

Never. You have considered giving up on your vision. Discouragement has crept into your thinking and emotions. The road has become more difficult to travel. Roadblock after roadblock has hindered your progress. Constant prayer now will yield great rewards.

Giving up is never an option for you. You must never give up on Me, yourself or your mission in life. You are a person of great destiny. I have chosen you for this hour. A lesser person could never do what you have done nor could they ever do what you must do. Now, stand to your feet and let us get moving.

When do you give up? Never.

Luke 18:1 "One day Jesus told his disciples a story to illustrate their need for constant prayer and to show them that they must never give up."

Link is on the left - RAS ROBINSON - What the Lord is Saying Today... to subscribe or to just read it when you want... new posts daily.

J.

....made me who I am....

The man I am today has been influenced and changed by the sum of my experiences. Certainly, God designed me a certain way, and I an uniquely made, but my experiences have formed and shaped me in certain specific ways.

At times, joyful, odd and unusual experiences have contributed to my sense of humor and my warped way of viewing the world.

At other times, suffering and sadness have formed in me a tenderness and compassion. Hope deferred has made my heart sick, and heart-sickness has contributed to my earnest desire to know God more fully, and to hear His heart more clearly.

While much of my life has been filled with pain, stress, worry, frustration and other things many might view as negative, I don't see it that way at all... I have come to believe it's much less about what happens to you, and more about what you choose to do with it. I have found that I can turn to anger and bitterness, but it ultimately brings more pain and suffering - if not to me, then certainly to those in my life... or I can turn to a quiet, inward and still place, where I find grace, compassion and patience from the Lord, which helps me to endure and overcome my circumstances.

I am not a person of regret. I generally make decisions, live with the outcomes and go on, never looking back. Lately, however, I have been very reflective in my thinking. Not that I regret, but I wonder how I got to where I am and who I am today. There are many things about my circumstances that are difficult and painful, and they are not of my own doing. I did not choose this, but I find myself evaluating how I got here and how I feel about it. In some ways, I am uneasy with my circumstances. I have good times and bad times, and I deal with them the best I can. But I have come to some conclusions...

First, through my experiences, I have come to understand and know myself. This has been a precious gift into my life. Second, I have come to know God, which is beyond measure and worth. Third, I have come to understand what is important to me, and why. And fourth, I have come to realize that the first three realizations are a direct result of the path I have walked.

So, although I have endured the pain, often nearly overwhelming me, and although I have hurt more deeply than I though possible and still survive, and although I have been so deeply disappointed by hope deferred, and although I have felt abandoned and discarded, judged and rejected, and although I have despised much of my experience - I must acknowledge my thanks and appreciation for what all of this has produced in my life. Rather than it producing something very negative and descructive, it has produced something very positive and lasting, building and restoring, peaceful and loving and kind.

So I reflect today, and although I am a work in progress, I see the hand of the Lord and the shape I have been formed and conformed to, and I am thankful. My experiences have made me the man that I am...

Jeff

How to Save a Life

I've thought alot over the past 18 years about a friend from high-school, Bill, who was 17 years old back then. I had graduated and moved on to college, and had had no idea at the time what he was going through. It was so similar to what I had gone through myself. But his situation ended in tragedy, as he was alone one evening.

His parents were out for the evening, and he was home alone. He called a mutual friend, asking if they could go hang out, but the friend was sick, and didn't feel up to getting out. The friend offered that if he needed anything, he would come anyway, but Bill assured him it was ok.

A few hours later, Bill was dead. He had shot himself with a rifle, severing his spine, and slowly bled to death. All of us were completely devastated. We really had no idea, especially those of us who had graduated and moved on...

But Bill had written a paper earlier that year for an English class. It was entitled "The Curse of Being Popular". Bill was president of the senior class. He was a "straight-A" student. He was well liked and had many friends. His paper was about how you never know, when you are popular, whether people are around you because they are really your friends, or because they want to be popular by association. He went on to say that it is strange that you can be in a group of people, or even be surrounded by people, and still be completely alone. I learned about Bill's paper at the funeral. Many were very deeply affected. I was one.

I have thought many things over the years - about how I could have ended up the same way. About how many times God had intervened in my life. About how He sent so many people into my life just for the express purpose of helping me go on through the most difficult times of my life. I think about the young man from one of my high-schools who heard God one night and drove up to where I was, in an isolated, dark place, and told me to get in the truck - that he had something to say to me - which was that God loved me and I didn't need to do what I was about to do... he knew my situation because God told him. And the yount lady who dropped by on the weekend when most everyone else had gone home from college, when I was at a very low point. She knocked on my door, came in and talked with me, hung out with me, and we got drunk together. That's all that happened, and she saved my life, though she never even knew it.

I also have thought about the people who had no idea how hurtful their words were. So many careless, judgemental, angry, hurtful words. I felt so much pain back then. I thought I wanted to die. But there was so much more for me... all I needed was a glimpse of it.

I think about things like all I would have missed. I think about my beautiful, sweet wife, and the relationship we have. I think about our friends, that have been so faithful and loving through the current difficulty we are going through with Kim's health. I think about the two wonderful sons we have that would have never been born. I think about the love I have both given and received. I am so blessed. I am so very well cared for. What a blessing to know how much God loves me, how my wife loves me, how my children love me, and my friends love me. I am rich because of their love, and I love each of them dearly. Most of all, what a blessing to know that God not only loves me, but that He accepts me, and that I am dear to Him, and special to Him, and that He carries me through the most difficult days, even back when I thought I didn't want to get through them. He knew better. He knew and still knows best. What a joy to turn over the problems, the anger and frustrations, and the control and worry to Him.

I hear the song below by the Fray pretty often. It is one of the songs that helps me remember and reflect on all of this above, and I am so thankful. Why were people there for me, but it didn't work that way for Bill? Why have so many I have known died young, and I live? Why did Lyn get Leukemia and die? Why did Chip die of Hodgkin's disease? Why did Rob die of cancer? Why is Kim sick now?

I don't understand why things happen the way they do, but I do know there is One who loves us all. I know that He loves us very dearly, and as I have had children, I understand that even more, perhaps. He says, "I know the plans I have for you - to prosper you and not to harm you, to give you a future and a hope...", but why are some of those hopes aborted or missed out on? I don't know. And I don't know how many days I have on this earth, but I do know that I am loved. And I do know that life isn't about how many things I can accumulate, and that my worth doesn't come from things. I know who I am now, and would not exchange that for anything in the world.

Sometimes, we affect so many around us without even knowing it. Sometimes, we are the positive force that moves others to healing, or to growth.... sometimes, we are the negative force that can bring damage or loss. Other times, we are the catalyst that brings others to a point of decision.... and I believe much of this goes on without our awareness, unless we are keenly paying attention to others. How many people have I passed today or even talked with today? How many of those are facing difficulty or experiencing suffering or pain? Do I even care?

I have decided that I do care. I made the decision that I want to see things for what they really are, and to love people unconditionally. I don't want the rosie picture, and the fake friends, and the house full of junk I don't really need anyway. I want to invest into the lives of those around me, and to love them, whatever that means. Thankfully, I am blessed to have those in my life who also pour into me in this way.

Fray
How To Save A Life

Step one you say we need to talk
He walks you say sit down it's just a talk
He smiles politely back at you
You stare politely right on through
Some sort of window to your right
As he goes left and you stay right
Between the lines of fear and blame
And you begin to wonder why you came

Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life

Let him know that you know best
Cause after all you do know best
Try to slip past his defense
Without granting innocence
Lay down a list of what is wrong
The things you've told him all along
Pray to God he hears you
And I pray to God he hears you

Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life

As he begins to raise his voice
You lower yours and grant him one last choice
Drive until you lose the road
Or break with the ones you've followed
He will do one of two things
He will admit to everything
Or he'll say he's just not the same
And you'll begin to wonder why you came

Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life

Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life
How to save a life
How to save a life

Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life

Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life
How to save a life

If you are reading this post from my heart, and you are feeling down, alone or like it isn't worth it to go on, please - I beg you - please, press on through. There are so many whose life you touch. There is One who loves you more than you can imagine. There is a very unique life ahead that only YOU can live. Please don't abort the hope within you, or allow yourself to be sabotaged into believing it isn't worth it. My life is very hard even now - Kim has been fully disabled for several years now, and she struggles with not only pain and weakness, but also with the heartache of missing out on so many things. But we both know FOR SURE that we want to live to the fullest extent we are capable, and to enjoy our lives and those around us, no matter what. And so can you....

Much love and peace and grace to each of you -
GOTEEMAN

Important to Know - Reason, Season or Lifetime

(My closest and most special LIFETIME relationship)


I recieved part of this recently, and I thought this was worth posting - it's a critical thing to understand - if we aren't aware or misunderstand these in our lives, it can really be painful, difficult, or even lead to catastrophic results. If we are not aware, we may give priority and place to the "wrong" relationships, and ignore, damage and even lose the most important relationships of our lives.

People come into our lives for a reason, a season or a lifetime. When you know which one it is, you will know what to do for that person. When someone is in your life for a REASON, it is usually to meet a need. You or they have come to assist through a difficulty, to provide encouragement, guidance and support, to aid physically, emotionally or spiritually. They may seem like a godsend - and they are. They are there for the reason you need them to be. Then, without any wrongdoing on your part or at an inconvenient time, this person will say or do something to bring the relationship to an end. Sometimes they die. Sometimes they walk away. Sometimes they act up and force you to take a stand. What we must realize is that the need has been met, the desire fulfilled, the work is done, and now it is time to move on.

Some people come into your life for a SEASON, because your turn has come to share, grow or learn. They bring you an experience of peace or make you laugh. They may teach you something you have never done before. They usually give you an unbelievable amount of joy. Believe it, it is real. But only for a season, and once the season is over, it is time to move on again.

LIFETIME relationships teach you lifetime lessons, things you must build upon in order to have a solid emotional foundation. Your job is to accept the lesson, love the person and put what you have learned to use in all other relationships and areas of your life. It is said that love is blind but friendship is clairvoyant. You grow together for a lifetime, and share deeply. This type of relationship is lifelong and lasting, and if we value it, can be a great treasure.

Thank you for being a part of my life, whether you were/are a reason, a season or a lifetime relationship.

Jeff

C'ya Later...

Last post for a while - too much to do, and I really don't have time to keep up with this anymore. Good news is that we are making progress with Kim's recovery... but we are swamped right now, so I gotta cut back to just the things I really have to do right now. Thanks to all of you who have become "blog friends", and I wish you all the best, especially Dion Pugil, Darla, Michael, MelaniePearl, Marc, Stephen and Margie. I may still try to surf some of yours now and then, but I won't be posting here for a while.

C'ya Later...
Goteeman

Bye bye, Rummy, Bye bye....

I ran across this late night tribute to Rumsfeld, and wanted to share it with my friends....

Crackmuffin.com
Funny Video From CrackMuffin.com

Enjoy!
GM

Don't Drink the Kool-Aid

"Nobody joins a cult. Nobody joins something they think is going to hurt them. You join a Religious organization, you join a political movement, and you join with people you really like." This was a quote from the new movie Jonestown - The life and death of Peoples Temple.

Each time I have revisited this topic over the past 30 years, I have been touched in a different and deeper way. Initially, I was most touched by the loss of so many people, especially the children. Later on, I was amazed at Jim Jones, and how he could be so deceived and diluted, and to believe the things that he did.

This week, I heard the quote above, and was struck with something completely different. I have been thinking about the people again, but this time, about how they were deceived. They didn't start out wanting to be deceived or to join a cult. They joined a religious organization. It was a political movement to break free from government control and the American religious system. They were attracted to and surrounded by caring, loving people. Their leader seemed to make so much sense, and provided clear leadership and purpose - at first. But in the end, it all led to death.

There is a song by Jim Cole which says, "Complacency's a poison, taken one drop at a time. It fools our minds to thinking that everything's just fine..." - for so long, we were involved in the American religious community, and I can see from that experience how easy it is to yield undue control to the "authority" of the leadership. When religious leadership steps out of the servant role and into the controlling role, they have placed themselves between the believer and God, sometimes even acting AS God. This can be a dangerous place of control and undue influence.

Christ came as the ONE mediator between God and man. Any time a person steps into that mediator role, whether clergy or layman, it is to usurp God's place and authority.

u·surp (y-sûrp, -zûrp) v. u·surped, u·surp·ing, u·surps v.tr. 1. To seize and hold (the power or rights of another, for example) by force and without legal authority. 2. To take over or occupy without right: usurp a neighbor's land. v.intr. To seize another's place, authority, or possession wrongfully.

The one good thing that has come out of our past is that we have been awakened to an awareness of this type of control and abuse that some may attempt to use to control and bewitch believers. This type of control serves its own purposes and agendas, rather than God's, and it attempts to conform others to its own image, rather than assisting them in developing into the fullness of the measure and stature of Christ.

GM

A Special Thanks....

As our family as gone through difficult times, I have been thankful for so many things.

For my dear wife - She has endured the pain and suffering, difficulties and burdens, with great love and great strength. Though her body is weak, her spirit is very strong. I love her more now than ever before. She is my favorite. I long for the days when we can enjoy better circumstances together, but I am thankful it is her that I am sharing this experience with. She has shown me the real meaning of life and love, and that it is about being and not doing.

For my sons - Both boys have demonstrated such perseverance and strength, faith and hope, joy and peace during this most difficult time for them. Our youngest cannot even remember mommy being able to care for him or being well. Both boys have such strong character and are genuine, loving and kind. They both have said the thing they want to be most is a daddy. They said they know it is hard work, because the daddy has to take care of everything and everyone, and the mommy's role is to love the babies, but they want to be one someday. They have held me up, prayed me through, and loved me unconditionally.

For health for our kids and me - Our kids haven't been sick in almost 2 years. They have been in school, around others who are sick, and yet, they haven't been sick at all in almost 2 years. Not even a cold, and neither have I.

For our immediate and extended families and friends - Our families and friends have all pitched in to help with caring for our children when we have to travel, and have helped with expenses and needs. They are tireless in their love, compassion and generosity, and often, it is overwhelming to be able to receive. For our closest and most faithful friends - We have a few very close friends who have hung with us through all of this. They never once judged us or tried to "fix" us. They just love us, and have made themselves our local family, since all of our biological family is out of town. We have been amazed at the generosity of so many, of both their time and treasure, to help us through this time.

For provision - We have been provided for. Through all of the expenses, especially the ones lately, where the IV Antibiotics have all been "out of pocket", since the insurance company and my employer would only pay for the first 30 days, we have been well cared for.

For help - We have had help from a special lady, who comes faithfully twice a week, to help us out, so that I can run errands, buy groceries and so much more.

For our internet friends, who have prayed for us, encouraged us, and even a very few who have sent care packages to us, lifting our spirits on the heaviest of days.

For neighbors - We have had two neighbors who consistently call to ask if they can pickup items at the grocery for us, or help in any way, and then refuse to allow us to pay for what they buy for us. Even when we give them a list, they often come back with more than we asked for. Two more neighbors have dropped in just at the right time with meals. They just "happen" to be making extra, and thought of us.

For two very special, generous and industrius friends - We have two friends who helped us work through difficulties. One modified our home to allow wheelchair access to the bathroom at a very low cost, and another built us a hitch platform to carry the scooter at a low cost, making our lives much easier.

For my employer and 1st and 2nd line managers - My employer and my managers have been very understanding during all of this time. They have allowed me to flex my schedule to be able to make the numerous trips out of town for treatment and appointments for Kim's care. They have worked with me through so very much.

For the TRACS program - TRACS arranged for a wheelchair ramp to be built at cost for us, which has opened up a new world.

For the late Robert Ludlum, whose books have provided a refuge for us. As we lie awake and read just before bedtime each night, we have been able to, for a little while, enjoy the exciting, clandestine experiences of his protagonists and heroes, while not wanting to put down the book in the midst of such incredible story lines. What a gift!

We are so very blessed. We recognize God brought all of this into our lives, and is our consistent and faithful provider, but it is good to remember, and to remind ourselves and others that God truly will never forsake us nor leave us, and that He always provides, even in the seemingly bleakest moments.

May we all know the fullness of the depth, height, breadth and intensity of His love for us.

Jeff

Now there's a church I just might be able to go to...

I saw this again the other day, and was reminded of a few things. I've been so disappointed with so many church environments that promise so much and deliver so little, it would be truly refreshing to see this on a church sign out front.

I mean, wow. How I enjoy hanging out with people who just don't know anything, and aren't selling anything or trying to build their own empire. It's so refreshing - no "holier than thou", no judgement, no comparisons - just people seeking to know God in a deeper way, and willing to admit how much we don't know.

We may be wrong. We may be right. It doesn't really matter to us, because we are growing to know God more, and we are encouraging each other to just "be"- be who God made each of us to be. We don't have the answers. We don't need to "fix" anyone, because they may or may not even be broken, and only God really knows.

I would love to continue the discussion with any folks who happen onto this site and are interested in this discussion. If you're looking for a philosophical, hermaneutical, homeletical debate, please pass on by, but if you, like me, realize that the only things that matter are real and intimate relationships and knowing God, then come on by and stay a while.

Gotee

At the Bottom of Everything...

This song cracked me up... Especially a couple of lines, like "While my mother waters plants, my father loads his gun." It has been amazing to me sometimes to see how people think (or don't).

Maybe this is an exaggeration, but I think it makes a great point.
ENJOY!

Jeff

At The Bottom Of Everything Lyrics
Artist(Band):Bright Eyes

So there was this woman and
she was on an airplane and
she's flying to meet her fiancé
sailing high above the largest ocean
on planet earth and she was seated
next to this man who you know
she had tried to start a conversation
but really the only thing
she heard him say was to order his bloody mary
and she's sitting there and she's reading
this really arduous magazine article about this
third world country that she couldn't
even pronounce the name of and
she's feeling very bored and very despondent
and then uh suddenly there's this huge mechanical failure and one of the engines gave out
and they started just falling thirty thousand feet
and the pilots on the microphone and he's saying,
"I'm sorry, I'm sorry, Oh My God, I'm Sorry"
and apologizing and she looks at the man and she says,
"where are we going" and he looks at her and he says,
"We're going to a party, it's a birthday party.
It's your birthday party, happy birthday darling.
We love you very, very, very, very, very, very, very much."
and then he starts humming this little tune and it kind of goes like this:

One, Two, One, Two, Three, Four
We must talk in every telephone, get eaten off the web
We must rip out all the epilogues from the books we have read
And to the face of every criminal strapped firmly to a chair
We must stare, we must stare, we must stare

We must take all of the medicines too expensive now to sell
Set fire to the preacher who is promising us hell
And in the ear of every anarchist who sleeps but doesn't dream
We must sing, we must sing, we must sing

And it'll go like this
While my mother waters plants, my father loads his gun.
He says, "Death will give us back to God,
just like the setting sun
is returned to the lonesome ocean."

And then they splashed into the deep blue sea
It was a wonderful splash

We must blend into the choir, sing a static with the whole
We must memorize nine numbers and deny we have a soul
And to this endless race for property and privilege to be won
We must run, we must run, we must run

We must hang up in the belfry where the bats in moonlight laugh
We must stare into a crystal ball and only see the past
And in the caverns of tomorrow with just our flashlights and our love
We must plunge, we must plunge, we must plunge

And then we'll get down there,
way down to the very bottom of everything
and then we'll see it, we'll see it, we'll see it, we'll see it

Oh my morning's coming back
The whole worlds waking up
Oh the city bus is swimming past
I'm happy just because
I found out I am really no one

See you on the other side?

A few years ago, I was talking with God about our relationship. I wanted to really understand His love and perspective, and to be able to see myself as He sees me. He responded with the song below, complete with guitar chords, and touched my heart in a very deep way. What perhaps touched me the most was how far off this was from what we were presented with at church at the time. I think if we ever really grasp His love and how He sees us, we will forever be changed.

For us, we hear all the time "It's all about You, Jesus". But for Him, it's about US. There is nothing holy or wonderful about "wormy" thinking ("I'm nothing but a low-down, dirty, rotten sinner saved by grace", "I'm not worthy of His love", etc.). These are entrapments and bondages and we are not to take them up again once we have received His love, grace and forgiveness and have been made new. "Behold, all things have passed away - everything is new". In many places in scripture, He tells us that He is our "Ishi" (husband). I can't imagine that any husband would rather his bride lay at his feet all the time, or only serve him all the time... (after all, she is his bride). I believe he would rather take her into his arms so that they might fully enjoy each other, investing their lives together, building a strong, loving, lasting relationship.

Perhaps this is a stretch for you, but this is the relationship God has brought to us... He is available to us, and desires that we draw near and enjoy Him and that He could enjoy us. There are so many traps along the way - busyness, obligations, legalism, religion, feelings, unworthiness, fear, and so many more... but if we can see through them and see Him, we will never be satisfied with anything less. Can you hear Him singing to you? Calling to you? Do you see Him waiting for YOU? Oh, how He desires YOU... See if you can hear Him...

Waiting Here For You

1^st Verse:
I’m waiting here for you, My beloved Bride

Waiting for you to lay all those things aside

Have I asked for your service? Your worship, or sacrifice?

All I’ve really wanted is for you to love Me all of your life

2^nd Verse:
I’m waiting here for you, My beloved Bride

Waiting to share with you My heart and My mind

If you are willing, if it’s Me your thinking of -

All I’ve really wanted is for us to share our love

3^rd Verse:
I’m waiting here for you, My beloved Bride

You once were taken, dear, from my wounded side

If you will come unto Me, then you will see great things

Come share My love, My Bride, in the shelter of My wings

Chorus:
Will you love Me? Will you be with Me?

Will you truly be Mine?

I am waiting here for you, if you only have the time.

Ending:
I am waiting here for you, if you only have the time.

I am waiting here for you, will you find the time?

©Jeff Dean, 2003. All rights reserved.

So - can we cross the bridge from performance, works and service over to the land of pure love, grace and intimacy with God? I hope to see you on the other side.

Jeff

*By the way, the photo at top was taken by my sister-in-law at Jekyll Island, GA, a couple of week ago.

Hope in the Midst of Chaos

This was posted recently by Kim Clement. It was a great encouragement to me personally...
Enjoy.
Jeff

July 6, 2006

Kim Clement: "Hope in the Midst
of Chaos"

The Word "Crisis"

The word "crisis" in the Chinese language has two symbols that define its meaning. One represents "potential danger," and the other represents "hidden opportunity." So it appears that the Chinese indicate in their beliefs, that a crisis isn't always a bad thing. Even though there is potential for danger, there is an equal amount of hidden opportunity. They have the attitude that a crisis has the potential to take them to a better place.

See From God's Perspective

This brings us to the subject of perspective. We take away the hidden opportunity when we blame God for whatever "crisis" we have found ourselves in. We must learn to see from God's perspective, and draw truth from chaos. God will show you the measure of opportunity that can come out of a crisis.

In Hebrew, the word for crisis is the same word they used to describe a "birth stool," which was the seat Jewish women sat on as they gave birth. So during a crisis, you are giving birth. Out of this pain, you are going to bring forth something great, and it will come from within you. Instead of trying to lay blame, remember that God has given you a promise.

When Joseph was falsely imprisoned, instead of hiding away in misery, he prospered. Joseph believed he was to take advantage of his circumstances. He knew he would make it through--to the promise God had given him. He prophesied and interpreted dreams while he was in prison.

Hidden Opportunity

When you find yourself in a crisis, you must function as though you are already living in your promise. In crisis, do what God told you to do, and you will find what is hidden.

The hidden opportunity is the potential danger, because we are preached to on a continuous basis about how bad our circumstances are. We are not often encouraged enough to discover the hidden opportunity. The Bible says that God shares His secrets (hidden opportunities) with His servants, the prophets.

Instead of showing those who are lost and blinded by sin that there is a hidden opportunity in their present circumstances, the church is constantly trying to get rid of those who have problems that are too hard to deal with, such as homosexuality and pedophilia.

Your crisis can become the birthing ground for unrealized destiny. Crisis always produces equal measures of devastation and opportunity, and anyone will agree that it is considered an unpleasant thing.

Dwelling Carelessly

Proverbs 29:18, "Where there is no vision, the people perish...."

I did a study in the Scandinavian Bible on Proverbs 29:18, and their version is slightly different than our English version. The Scandinavian version says, "Without progressive revelation, the people dwell carelessly." To dwell carelessly means to live loosely by speaking badly of one another and fighting one another.

When a church is dwelling carelessly by gossiping and fighting with each other, they have no progressive or future insight. This usually happens when the eschatology has the escapism perspective (we must get out of here). By adapting this kind of thinking, they have taken progressive revelation away from the people.

What is Hope

When you have hope, but have not seen it, that is progressive revelation. Paul said in Romans, that hope is no longer hope, when it is felt and seen with the natural eye. Hope is only hope, when you DON'T have what you are hoping for in your hands yet.

Without hope, you will not live. When God gives you a sure prophetic word about your future, hope is once again given to you (activated). When you don't have something in your hands, you work harder to get it. The eschatology that teaches that we are "going home" soon, takes away any hope for the future. Why should we sit around and wait?

Look Forward to Your Destiny

We are tired of the church that tells us to sit around and wait for Jesus to come back. We know that He will return, but we also know that no man will know the day or the hour of His return. We aren't to know the time of His return, so that we can continue to hope and work towards our destiny-- both as a whole human race, and as individual souls.

I encourage you to get some progressive revelation in your life and continue to look to the future. Don't worry about the mistakes of others, but help them to see from a divine perspective, and continue to progress in revelation.

Push for your destiny, and keep hope alive when the enemy rises up against you, because hope will keep you alive!

By Kim Clement
Prophetic Image Expressions
www.kimclement.com

He LIKES ME, so I can just BE...

You know, a while back, I realized something really significant. It's not that I'm that smart - but
when God shows you something so very clearly, it's pretty hard to miss.

HE LIKES ME.

There. That's it. It's so simple, yet so life changing when we really "get it". I really get it - HE LIKES ME. I mean, I knew he always loved me, and that's great. Like a parent of a teenager - never stops loving the kid, but doesn't always LIKE him or her. But HE isn't even like that. HE LIKES ME. He made me just like I am, and HE LIKES ME. Wow! What a freedom.

Maybe you weren't raised like I was. Maybe you are going "yeah, I get it, so what's the big deal?"

The big deal is this - as a child who was raised to be a performer - one who could never measure up to the expectations - THIS IS HUGE. I always knew it wasn't about works, and that I was secure in God, but I was always left with the picture of Him being disappointed or upset with me over my poor choices, my "sin", and so forth.

What HE has shown me is that all of that was COMPLETELY dealt with at the cross, and that the righteousness of CHRIST has been IMPUTED (put on, placed upon, attributed to, accounted to) ME (and YOU). "He, who knew no sin, was made to BE sin, that we (who knew no righteousness) would be MADE TO BE the RIGHTEOUSNESS OF GOD." 2 Corinthians 5:21.

Not only that, HE LIKES ME (and YOU). We can be free to just BE who He made us to be. It's not what we DO that determines who we are. We are who HE says we are. Who we ARE will determine what we DO, if we only realize who we are and whose we are, and that He isn't angry with us. HE LIKES US.

J