Buried Alive...

Just a Girl asked me today if I am still alive...

Yeah, I am. This week's work, home and life have, however, pretty much buried me...

I will post again soon... I am just dealing with alot at the moment...

Thanks for dropping in, and for all of your encouragement and support...

Blessings & peace to you and yours...

J/

"If You Want Me To" by Ginny Owens

Yes, I will walk through the valley if you want me to

This song has meant much more to me ever since we were able to fully surrender...
Before that, I hated it... Now, I find comfort in it... resting...

If You Want me To

by Ginny Owens

The pathway is broken
And The signs are unclear
And I don't know the reason why You brought me here
But just because You love me the way that You do
I'm gonna walk through the valley
If You want me to

Chorus:
Cause I'm not who I was
When I took my first step
And I'm clinging to the promise You're not through with me yet
so if all of these trials bring me closer to you
Then I will walk through the fire
If You want me to

It may not be the way I would have chosen
When you lead me through a world that's not my home
But You never said it would be easy
You only said I'd never go alone

ya oh oh no

So When the whole world turns against me
And I'm all by myself
And I can't hear You answer my cries for help
I'll remember the suffering that Your love put You through
And I walk through the darkness If You want me to

cause When I cross over Jordan, I'm gonna sing, gonna shout
Gonna look into your eyes and see you never let me down
So take me on the pathway that leads me home to you
And I will walk through the valley if you want me to

SNL - Palin & Clinton

I'd like to say thanks... and recognize some others....

I received this award on September 11th from
Jen at Unglazed
Jen, Thanks very much...

and I'd like to also give it to some of the bloggers I enjoy the most...
Big Pissy at Southern Circle of Hell
BP, you are soulful and hilarious...
Oh, the Joys! at Oh, the Joys!
Girl, you got a way with words that is incredible... and a wit that just won't stop...
Kel at Cafe Kel
Your transparency and honesty are quite amazing... and your encouragement is a blessing...
and of course the Queen at Queen of the Mayhem
What can I say? You're amazing...

So y'all give em some love.....

Connected...

I have three really best friends... We are connected. A very strong, unbreakable bond exists, and we did not create it. We accepted and welcomed it...

The first is my wife... she is amazing. Even with all of the pain, disability, suffering and loss she experiences so much of the time - she never ceases to amaze me with her positive outlook, determination and hope. She is my very best and closest friend. She brings out the very best in me, although at times, our circumstances have brought out the very worst. She has offered more love, forgiveness, acceptance, grace and understanding than anyone I know. We share so many inside jokes, movie lines and laughs. She is the very best.

The second is my friend - who I will call William, because it is one of his names, and it says so much - Will I Am... He is closer than a brother to me. When I am with him, I am never self-conscious. I am myself at my truest and best. He is one of the very few most trustworthy, accepting and encouraging people I have ever known. We laugh together, cry together, know each other very well, find ways to make time to get together for any reason or no reason at all, or call or text or whatever... if either of us goes a few days without contacting the other, the other one reaches out. He has taught me patience, understanding, peacefulness, resting, healing from deep wounds... he is like salt and light in my life, and we are completely open with each other.

The third is his wife. She is an amazing, graceful, peaceful, insightful, encouraging, positive, kind, gentle, radical, incredible, sometimes firey and always powerful (spiritually) person. Their love for each other and for us has changed us deeply forever. Being able to observe their marriage has encouraged, even provoked, us to move into the same type of deep, everlasting, accepting relationship.

The best of all is when the four of us are able to all get together and talk. Sometimes it's just a hilarious time - laughter, joy, peace, fun - sometimes off color and "irreverant", if there were such a thing... Other times, we have prayed together, shared visions and dreams, shared problems and burdens, supported and loved each other. What Daddy created in these relationships is unlike anything any of us have ever known. Our commitment and loyalty to each other is a bedrock foundation, in the common rock of our Daddy God. We are in keeping relationships with each other - and we encourage and support each other as we all grow, while still keeping us young and pliable -teachable, as children.

As you read this, I pray that you know or will know relationships like this in your own life. May the Lord bring to you those who He intends be in your life. May all resistance and obstacles be removed, and may you be kept in perfect relationship by the love of our Father, as these relationships are inseparably bound to Him as well, in a many stranded cord, strong and unbreakable, true and authentic, safe and secure - Connected...

J/

The Gift.... and a new song...

There is a gift which I believe can only be given from one man to another. This gift was designed to be passed down from father to son, from one man to one becoming a man. This gift is more valuable and powerful than gold or fame. This gift alone can prepare and enable a young man to be the man he was intended to be.

Somewhere along the way, sometimes the gift is lost, and the transfer does not occur - perhaps because the father does not realize what the gift is, and its importance, or perhaps the father cannot give what he has never received nor possessed. Perhaps tension and distance between the father and son, or absence of the father, have made the giving of the gift impossible.

Yet, sometimes in these circumstances, another man is sent - one who understands and appreciates the gift, and values the young man. He invests his time and energy into making sure the gift is received and is securely held by the young man, for he understands that without the gift, the young man will never be the man he was intended to be, and his destiny will be aborted.

What might this gift be? The gift is the understanding and confidence to know that he has all that he needs within him to be the man he was created to be - he lacks nothing... you see, it takes a man to know a man... to be able to see within him the man he is to become and to reach in and begin to pull it out, so that the young man can see... and then the blessing of this gift having been given to him, can turn to approach his future, his life, and everything in it, as a man - no longer a boy, now strong and wild at heart, whole and free from wounds and the past, set free to know that he can succeed, that he is accepted and loved by one who welcomes him heartily into the brotherhood of Men... he has been given the gift of manhood - the title of "Man" has been bestowed and imprinted on his life, and he is forever changed.

And he heads bravely, head held high, into his future, giving the gift to those who he encounters along the way who have yet to receive it. Confident in his identity, he invests and risks, extending the strong hand of fellowship and love, to bring yet another young man into the brotherhood. Fathers, let us be such men, giving this gift to our sons. Brothers, let us extend the gift to those who have not yet been so fortunate to receive it by their own father's hand, and let us all remember that there is one great Father, who is father of us all...

The Gift...

Day by day, I watch you
I see the choices that you make
The things you make priority
and the paths you choose to take

I'm affected by your passion
and infected by your joy
You'll never know the impression you made
on me since I was just a boy

You were there at key transitions
And as I grew from boy to man
Someone was watching us
It was all part of His plan

You were there for me, accepting
Seeing the man that I would be
When no one else took the time
You shared your life with me

As we rowed across the water
and we talked for hours on end
You listened and you shared with me
and became my closest friend

As we walked through the forest
each sharing from our heart
Your words brought clarity and healing
to my life, in every part

You were always there for me
in the moments in my youth
When the choices mattered most
when I needed to hear the truth

And you invested deep in me
giving me the gift of time
Even when your life was busy
you would be a part of mine

So I thank you, my friend and father
though I was not born to you
You've impacted me so deeply
through the things you chose to do

I've taken your example
and invested in those I see
I have loved and accepted
In the same way you cared for me

I appreciate it more now
how you prepared me to be a man
And I sense that He is very pleased
It was all part of His plan

So perhaps the gift of manhood
is only passed from man to man
And each of us who receives it
should take the time to understand

That we bear a wonderful burden
to take the gift we have and share
Passing it on to generations
Letting them know how much we care

Giving confidence that they possess
everything that they will need
To be the man they were made to be
to be fully prepared to succeed

As one who was given this gift through you
I want to express my joy
For you showed me how to look and see
the man within this boy

(C) JAD, 2008.

For Ritchie Mullen, with eternal gratitude...

Breaking Through

I wrote this song this morning, reflecting on my process... and the picture I get of it... like a baby bird developing and slowly breaking through the shell out into the world... if he does not go through this process, he will not be strong enough to survive, and will die... I am thankful for my process, because I have been made strong through it...


Breaking Through

Quietly, I hear it
A tapping in my Soul
A longing to break free
and be made whole

Slowly getting louder now
I know it won't be long
Til my spirit breaks free
and I am made strong

In my weakness Your strength is perfect
In my stumbling You are there
In my loneliness, I hear You
and I feel Your loving care

I'm breaking through
to be who You made me to be
All because of You
I'm starting to see

I can see the light
breaking through the dark
Shining deep within
Illuminating every part

Never more alone
only set apart
Given a new mind
to join my new heart

I'm breaking through
to be who You made me to be
All because of You
I'm starting to see

Help me to see
Help me to be
All that I am
All that I am to be

I'm breaking through
Breaking through to see
I'm breaking through
Breaking through to be

I'm breaking through
Breaking through to me -
the real me
The me I was always meant to be

(c) JAD, 2008

Writing again...

The Invasion of Realization

In the stillness of the moment
as I sit here, all alone
When so much that I had hoped for
and dreamed of seems so gone

When each moment seems a lifetime
full of so much grief and pain
and the days all run together
it seems they're all the same

And then I see You there beside me
coming close, to share my pain
Then You flood my heart with hope and joy
as You softly speak my name

I feel Your breath so warm upon me
melting all my fears away
and I find myself without the words
I so much want to say

How can I express
what You've done to me?
Through Your tenderness
I now can see
that You've been here, all the while
loving me, Your broken child
and I know that I can never be the same

(C) 2008, JAD

J/

You've shared all those other intimate moments...

Before playing the video, you may want to stop the music playlist by hitting pause on the player at the bottom of the page, so that you can hear the audio...

Gettin Enuf FIBER? Posted for my friend, Anglophile Football Fanatic...

This one is posted for my friend, Anglophile Football Fanatic... as requested...

Enjoy!

J/

Mommie's Little Helper - What Parents Need Whose Kids Haven't Gone Back to School Yet

Posted for my friend Carrie (linked to title)... as well as O, the Joys, Queen of the Mayhem and my other favorite bloggers who occasionally just need a little extra help with the kids...

J/

Definitely CRACKED, I am...

I think I must be definitely cracked... or getting really close... long days, short nights, not sleeping much, and then they had to go and start school back up, which means I rise at 5:45am... well, let's be honest, "rising" is an overstatement... more like I pour myself over the footboard of the bed and onto the hardwood floor... there isn't any excitement or enthusiasm there... just the kind of "time to make the donuts", got to get going or the truency cops will be knocking down my door...

Well, successful launch on day 1 of school... All downhill from here, I suppose. Kids are riding the bus this year for the first time, which means I don't have to drive 30 mins each way, which is a blessing and a half. They are happy as clams now that the unknown is over with... They are loving it - both of them have several friends on the bus, and they get there nice and early and they have noticed Daddy is stress free when he arrives at the bus stop to pick them up - YAY for us all!!!



Back to the subject - I am definitely cracked.. but it's ok... some of my old friends (HS, College, etc) on the link above (title)... lovin' facebook... connected with a BUNCH of friends from way back...

J/

On a more serious note... Tyler Waldorf

I am seriously loving some new songs by Tyler Waldorf. Some of his songs, "Sinkin Slowly" & "Angels in Words" (my personal favorite) have been featured lately on Army Wives. They are incredibly soulful and well written...

The thing that sucks is - Can't get them in CD or iTunes or MP3 format at the moment... so I sent him a note, telling him how much I appreciate his work, and would love to know where to buy some of his songs...
here was the response...

Tyler Waldorf sent you a message:
-----------------
Subject: RE: Your music
I'm re-recording a few songs then an ep and that will be for sale.
Thanks for the kind words.

-Ty...
----------------

Dude responded in like 8 hours... I was seriously impressed... and I am really looking forward to being able to buy his songs...
Click on the title above to hear a few of his songs... (may want to pause my player below first, to avoid overlap)...

J/

Happy Fun Ball

J/

No Place Like Home...

Be it ever so humble, there's no place like home... Well, we are back home now. 10 days, 3 cities, 2 airplanes, 1 cancellation, 1 delay, 1 car, a dozen taxi's, a few deli's, a steak, mussels, dim sum, one hotel, and the sights and sounds... Always good to see the view from the end of the street again, and enjoy sleeping in my own bed again. Thanks, again, to all of you who thought about us and prayed for us as we drove, flew, got tested, saw doctors, etc. The outcome was good, the travel was tolerable and we are now back for a while.

The only wrinkle in the whole thing was that Delta cancelled our flight back, booked us onto another flight 4 hours later, then delayed that flight for an hour and a half... so... long story short, we got back into the south at midnight, rather than our planned 7pm arrival time. At least they bumped us up to first class for the trouble. Wish I could have used the formula above and clicked our heels together and been transported instantly to home... now that would be awesome.

All in all, a great trip, and good news from our doctors. Modifying the protocol a bit, and hoping for some great results...

I must say, to be fair to my friends in the NorthEast.... people in NYC are definitely more helpful and thoughtful to those in wheelchairs than the folks we run into elsewhere (mainly, the South)... I mean, constantly, someone was there to open and hold doors, offer to help, assist with holding the wheelchair as we transferred K into and out of it... and it wasn't just this trip - it has been this way EVERY SINGLE TIME.

Thanks so much to all of those who helped us in so many ways, and especially for my brother-in-law and sister-in-law, for helping us through a difficult time, by blessing us in a very special way. We are truly blessed and loved and provided for - we can clearly see how all is working together for our good.

J/

Back in the Big Apple.....

Well, we are back in NYC again for another round of doctor visits and tests. The energy here is amazing, and really uplifting to us both. Tests are now behind us (today), and two office visits are set for tomorrow, so we are hoping for some promising news and for the doctors to have some wisdom in the treatment protocols.

On a lighter note, I am loving eating at the Chinese restaurant here across the street, as well as the Deli and some other favorite haunts here. The Times Square area is my favorite area to stay and to walk around...

Tomorrow after the appointment, we will pickup some takeout from Rosie O'Grady's (another favorite), and then pack up to leave for LaGuardia on Wednesday morning...

If you are a praying person, we would appreciate your prayers - for wisdom for our doctors, healing for K, safe travel home, continued provision and blessings for all who have helped us in so very many ways...

J/

Need I say more??? But seriously...

Seriously, being able to love the people in our lives - all of them, and all of the time - is an amazing and uncommon thing. I'd love to say I always do, but there's already enough BS in the world... so I will say I try to... and the result is that I often succeed, but sometimes not so much... Thoughts of judgement and harsh responses when my goals are blocked, or when I am tired, irritable or just being plain petty... sometimes, they come out and dance around my brain and out of my mouth before I can obliterate them. Sometimes, loving someone also means loving them enough to gently speak truth in love. Sometimes, loving them is refusing to enable them in destructive behaviors...

I think the older I get, the more compassionate and easy going I become. After years of impatience, frustration and venting, hurting others with careless words as a young man, something has died... and I am glad... funeral is over on that raging, silly person... so now, it's more working on the internal part - the one nobody much sees but me... and a very few who are really close to me. Working out those little nagging thoughts and attitudes that are not loving... so that I can truly pour myself out, selflessly, for those I love, and to let them know that nothing is more important to me than they are...

and that - would be complete success...
at least, as I define it...

J/

Is "W" is for "wind"?

Download video
- You can Download in MP4 or FLV format

Red Wines Make Meat Healthier? No kidding?

And all this time, I just thought they tasted good together...

(Click title to see the article)...

Gotta run... my Merlot and Filet Mignon are calling out to me, begging me to be healthier...

=)

J/

Waiting for My Real Life to Begin... and Resting...

Waiting for My Real Life to Begin, by Colin Hay

Any minute now my ship is coming in

I'll keep checking the horizon

And I'll stand on the bow

And feel the waves come crashing

Come crashing down, down, down on me

And you said,"Be still, my love

Open up your heart

Let the light shine in

"Don't you understand?

I already have a plan

I'm waiting for my real life to begin

When I awoke today suddenly nothing happened

But in my dreams I slew the dragon
And down this beaten path

And up this cobbled lane

I'm walking in my own footsteps once again

And you say,"Just be here now

Forget about the past

Your mask is wearing thin

"Let me throw one more dice

I know that I can win

I'm waiting for my real life to begin

Any minute now my ship is coming in

I'll keep checking the horizon

And I'll check my machine

There's sure to be that call

It's gonna happen soon, soon, oh so very soon

It's just that times are lean

And you say,"Be still, my love

Open up your heart

Let the light shine in

"Don't you understand?

I already have a plan

I'm waiting for my real life to begin

Hey heyeyeyeyey

Hey yeeeeeee

Hey heyeyeyeyey

Eeh eeh eeh eeh eh x5

On a clear day

I can see, see for a long way

On a clear day

I can see, see a very long way

In many ways, this song has expressed my heart through the difficult times over the past few years. A very dear friend also shared a prayer with me tonight that has expressed where I WANT to be, and sometimes where I am...

The Welcome Prayer, by Father Thomas Keating:

Welcome, welcome, welcome.
I welcome everything that comes to me in this moment
because I know it is for my healing.

I welcome all thoughts, feelings,
emotions, persons,
situations and conclusions.

I let go of my desire for security.

I let go of my desire for approval.

I let go of my desire for control.

I let go of my desire to change any situation,
condition, person or myself.

I open to the love and presence of God
and to the healing action and grace within.

AMEN

My desire is to live in the perfect balance of hope and peace - the hope of the plans and paths Daddy has for us, tempered by the peace of finding contentment in accepting and coming to terms with the circumstances and situations of the current moments... to live within each moment. When we are trapped in the yesterdays (of regret) or the tomorrows (of deferred hope or of worry and dread), we are paralyzed and miss the NOW. It is only in the peace of the current moment where we can actually live, love and move.

Please share insights and reflections from your own heart, if you are so moved.... I believe each of us may benefit from each others' experiences and hearts...

J/