Your Existence Gives Me Hope

For Kim, Susan, Noel, Jane, and all who are suffering.... and for those who suffer with them...

So many people
hurrying around
seeking something
chasing something

So much busy-ness
so much rushing
passing people by
so unaware

Sometimes running each other over
sometimes just running past
such a fast paced world
so many important things to do

One message
one phone call
one test result, event or realization
and it all comes to a screeching halt

Time stands still
seconds become as hours
Eternity in time
devastating

It all comes into perspective
what is important
what is not
what life is really about

It is really about the people
it's about families
friends and relationships
people we love

My heart sinks
I grieve the loss of peace
which I know you must feel
from knowing

The fear and dread
grasping at your life
The disease and treatment
both ravaging your body

Many offering to help
Sincere and available
Others offering solutions
devoid of truth

Confusion and frustration
Unclear paths
So much noise all around
Stillness nowhere to be found

I fall to my knees
crying out on your behalf
for healing, wisdom, release
peace, grace, mercy, strength

How can it be?
Why has this happened?
Why to such beautiful souls and families?
To those so full of life and love?

So many times I have complained
Often discontented
So overwhelmed by circumstances
Lost in difficulty and self

My understanding incomplete
Injustice clearly seen
Suffering you have not deserved
Pain so very real

And yet, in such circumstances
Your presence of mind is amazing
Your concern for those around you
Surpassing concern for yourself

Your beauty is unsurpassed
Shining rays of hope and love from your eyes
So graceful in your suffering
In the midst of pain and loss

There is a fellowship of suffering
Like being a member of a group you never wanted to join
And yet, have come to know real strength and beauty
as a result of being included

There is a joy and strength and life
There is hope inescapable
There is comfort in knowing you are not alone
solace and momentary release

Whether healing be here or there
it shall surely come to us all
Between now and then
let us cherish each moment we have together

Sharing the joys and pains
as we laugh and cry together
Hearts heavy, yet full of peace
Fully accepting and loving each other

Remembering the best of times
Sharing the stories that make us laugh
Revisiting the inside jokes only we understand
Relishing the treasure inside each others' hearts

For this journey is but a moment in time
and life is but a breath
Let us keep perspective of what matters
and what does not

J/ (C) 2008

The Gift.... and a new song...

There is a gift which I believe can only be given from one man to another. This gift was designed to be passed down from father to son, from one man to one becoming a man. This gift is more valuable and powerful than gold or fame. This gift alone can prepare and enable a young man to be the man he was intended to be.

Somewhere along the way, sometimes the gift is lost, and the transfer does not occur - perhaps because the father does not realize what the gift is, and its importance, or perhaps the father cannot give what he has never received nor possessed. Perhaps tension and distance between the father and son, or absence of the father, have made the giving of the gift impossible.

Yet, sometimes in these circumstances, another man is sent - one who understands and appreciates the gift, and values the young man. He invests his time and energy into making sure the gift is received and is securely held by the young man, for he understands that without the gift, the young man will never be the man he was intended to be, and his destiny will be aborted.

What might this gift be? The gift is the understanding and confidence to know that he has all that he needs within him to be the man he was created to be - he lacks nothing... you see, it takes a man to know a man... to be able to see within him the man he is to become and to reach in and begin to pull it out, so that the young man can see... and then the blessing of this gift having been given to him, can turn to approach his future, his life, and everything in it, as a man - no longer a boy, now strong and wild at heart, whole and free from wounds and the past, set free to know that he can succeed, that he is accepted and loved by one who welcomes him heartily into the brotherhood of Men... he has been given the gift of manhood - the title of "Man" has been bestowed and imprinted on his life, and he is forever changed.

And he heads bravely, head held high, into his future, giving the gift to those who he encounters along the way who have yet to receive it. Confident in his identity, he invests and risks, extending the strong hand of fellowship and love, to bring yet another young man into the brotherhood. Fathers, let us be such men, giving this gift to our sons. Brothers, let us extend the gift to those who have not yet been so fortunate to receive it by their own father's hand, and let us all remember that there is one great Father, who is father of us all...

The Gift...

Day by day, I watch you
I see the choices that you make
The things you make priority
and the paths you choose to take

I'm affected by your passion
and infected by your joy
You'll never know the impression you made
on me since I was just a boy

You were there at key transitions
And as I grew from boy to man
Someone was watching us
It was all part of His plan

You were there for me, accepting
Seeing the man that I would be
When no one else took the time
You shared your life with me

As we rowed across the water
and we talked for hours on end
You listened and you shared with me
and became my closest friend

As we walked through the forest
each sharing from our heart
Your words brought clarity and healing
to my life, in every part

You were always there for me
in the moments in my youth
When the choices mattered most
when I needed to hear the truth

And you invested deep in me
giving me the gift of time
Even when your life was busy
you would be a part of mine

So I thank you, my friend and father
though I was not born to you
You've impacted me so deeply
through the things you chose to do

I've taken your example
and invested in those I see
I have loved and accepted
In the same way you cared for me

I appreciate it more now
how you prepared me to be a man
And I sense that He is very pleased
It was all part of His plan

So perhaps the gift of manhood
is only passed from man to man
And each of us who receives it
should take the time to understand

That we bear a wonderful burden
to take the gift we have and share
Passing it on to generations
Letting them know how much we care

Giving confidence that they possess
everything that they will need
To be the man they were made to be
to be fully prepared to succeed

As one who was given this gift through you
I want to express my joy
For you showed me how to look and see
the man within this boy

(C) JAD, 2008.

For Ritchie Mullen, with eternal gratitude...

Writing again...

The Invasion of Realization

In the stillness of the moment
as I sit here, all alone
When so much that I had hoped for
and dreamed of seems so gone

When each moment seems a lifetime
full of so much grief and pain
and the days all run together
it seems they're all the same

And then I see You there beside me
coming close, to share my pain
Then You flood my heart with hope and joy
as You softly speak my name

I feel Your breath so warm upon me
melting all my fears away
and I find myself without the words
I so much want to say

How can I express
what You've done to me?
Through Your tenderness
I now can see
that You've been here, all the while
loving me, Your broken child
and I know that I can never be the same

(C) 2008, JAD

J/

Reflections for Today

Hope, Exhaustion, Peace, Reality

Just a glimmer of hope

The slightest improvement

What we used to think was a hard day

We now know to be a good day

So much we did not know

So much we still do not

Sometimes so difficult to understand

Five years now

So much time and effort

So much money spent

Sometimes seeming that the treatment

Is worse than the disease

How much can one withstand?

How long can this go on?

Longer than you would think

Longer than you would believe

When the days grow long (but never long enough)

And the bones are sore

From being awake so long

Not enough time for sleep

Well beyond the end of myself

So beyond what I thought could be

Feeling so alone and yet

Knowing I never am, nor can I be

Adversity seems to bring out

The very best and very worst

The rawest, truest self within

Testing hope and faith and trust

Nights are often hardest

Most exhausted, most empty

Finally finished for the day at 2am

Collapsing into my pillow

6am comes too early (has it only been a few minutes?)

Alarm screaming and demanding

Waking dead, and yet alive

New hope in the midst of challenge

Stumbling in the dark

Cold water in my face, dark circles under my eyes

Slowly coming into consciousness

So much to do, so few hours today

Wake the boys - Don't go back to sleep

Keep them moving

Breakfast, brush hair and teeth

Pack lunch and out the door

Another successful launch

Time to crash, close my eyes

For just a few precious moments of sleep

So elusive, but must catch them when I can

The demands of the day will soon be upon me again

Everyone needing, wanting

Right now! Urgent! Must be done!

So many so unaware...

In the midst of all the busy-ness

Finding the quiet place

Of unsurpassed peace

Where You are...

Suddenly easy

Efforless

Resting

Perfect

(C) 2008, Goteeman

In Daddy's Arms

In Daddy's Arms

How long, Lord?

How long must this continue?

How long must I feel this way? So alone, so pressed...

How long must I endure? Such sorrow, such hopelessness...

A little longer?

But, how much longer?

Rest? How can I...

Oh, You will carry me?

Hold me in Your arms, Daddy, close to Your heart

Let my head rest on Your breast

That I may hear the beat of Your heart

And move in rhythm to Your Spirit

So safe

So secure, in Your arms

Such warmth

Such love, I am transformed!

Swing me, Daddy!

Do it again!

Whirl me around in Your arms of Love

I feel like I am flying - flying in Your Love

So far above my worries and fears

High in the air

Out of reach of all that seek to harm me

Or drag me back down

My whole heart trusts You

We are one at the heart

You have given Your heart to me

And I am Yours

Fly me again, Daddy

In Your strong, loving arms

How I need this time with You

I want to be just like You

J/ (C) 2007

Early Morning Reflections

Early Morning Reflections

3A.M.

Awake and Semi-conscious

Pondering and exploring

The depth, height, bredth of Your love for me

In the moonlight, I run to You

With open arms and heart full of love

None other can satisfy

The longing in my heart only for You

In Your eyes, pools of pure passion

Absent of all selfishness

Only true and holy desire

For me to come to You, to be with You

Each day bringing me closer

To the bridge so many have already crossed

Which will leave my body absent

And will leave me present with You

So much pain around me

Sometimes in me as well

So much suffering and loss

And yet, as long as I have You, I lack nothing

So strange to have lost so much and yet to have all I need

You tend my every need, and often my desires

You and I, forever, unchangeably one

Gratitude floods my heart and soul

In a crowd sometimes alone - Yet never truly alone

I hear Your voice, I feel Your touch

I know You are there, closer than my breath

Desiring me and loving me so much more than my mind can comprehend

I run to You, leaving it all behind

Worries, pain, trouble - now far behind

My eyes locked on You - Only You

And I behold You, as if for the first time

You welcome me with open arms and open heart

You hold me and tell me how You have missed me

And oh! Have I missed you!

You bid me come to stay with You, and I am overjoyed

Waves of joy and love wash over me

Taking away all but what You have placed in me

Healing the deep wounds

And leaving me with fullness instead

Deep within the heart of Your palm

I rest in the safety of knowing

No enemy dare follow me there in Your hand

For I am securely Yours

And now, as I close my eyes once again

Resting in the comfort of knowing

I have only touched the hem of Your presence

Yet one day, I will behold You in fullness

J/ (c) 2007

The Circle of My Reflection

The Circle of My Reflection

Awake

So much to do

Schedule full

Remember to breathe

Slowly now

Set priorities
Slow my heart rate

Speak deliberately

Love extravagantly

Reach out diligently

Remember to dream

Deep

Intimate

Genuine

Beloved

Accepted

True

Special in my own way

Accepted in every way

Loved beyond measure

Know myself

Wind down

Return to base

Take it all in

Breathe slowly

Lie down

Read and laugh

Breathe deeply

Kiss goodnight

Let go

Reflect

Rest

J/ (c) 2007