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I've been thinking about this alot lately....
Why are so many of us seemingly so consumed with what others think or expect of us? or worse yet, what we think they expect of us? I mean from Washington to the West Coast, it seems like image is the focus... the desire to be accepted and approved... We bust on politicians for swinging like a barn door in a windstorm, and yet, when it comes down to it, most of us cave to the pressures of expectations, either perceived or real...
So, Real or Plastic? I think that's the real choice... to be real or to be image... Real means risking rejection for who we really are... but plastic means something much worse, I think - it means rejecting ourselves...
On a similar line of thinking, what about how we relate to others? Sure, we're harder on ourselves than anyone else... but still, do we accept and love? or do we judge? Judging isn't just rejecting... we can judge someone good, as well, but it's still judgement. And on top of that, it's like most people want others to judge them - good, that is... Everything from acting out to see if rejection will be returned, to "do these pants make me look fat?"....
What a freedom to be able to simply love - to love ourselves and to love others - without the need to correct, label, reject or judge... just complete acceptance. I am so thankful to those who have loved me that way, and have forever impacted my life and my thinking. Without which I am not sure I would have ever believed it possible. Some can fake it for a few days or a few years, even... but these folks have consistenly demonstrated it for more than 10 years... You know who you are - thanks for showing me a better way, and for encouraging me to be who I am made to be...
Blessings and much love -
J/
Monday, January 28, 2008
Real or Plastic? Love or Judge?
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5 comments:
This past couple of years I have made a concerted effort to be authentic and vulnerable. I am not that kind of person. I have always cared what people thought. I have always been afraid of rejection. I have always had to be in control to protect myself. (Old baggage - no need to say more.) I had a great defensive wall built around my heart. Then I took a deep breath and took a chance. On a large scale, and also, most especially with one friend.
Who has just decided after two years that she no longer wants to be friends. And said a lot of very hurtful things. That rejection hurts way more than most. She was the one I trusted. The one I was totally yourself with. In all my messed up glory. The "forever" friend. The one that's always there. Totally. Until they are not. And that hurts more than you will ever know.
I find the walls going back up. Brick by Brick. I don't want it to, but I am too devastated to do anything about it. I guess I just have a lot to learn.....
The only thing I am sure of is I don't want to go back to being that plastic person again. But the life of authenticity is damn hard.....
Wow. We all walk different roads, but we trip on the same rocks.
"What a freedom to be able to simply love." I never knew until two weeks ago, how true this is.
The concept of transparency has come up three, no, this makes it 4 times for me since the year started. I think God is calling us out.
Be real. Choose freedom. He will heal the wounds and make us stronger in our weakness. Choosing vulnerability again is not easy, but I believe it is God's choice for us.
I agree with GoteeMan. We live in fear of rejection and reject ourselves. Who's opinion really matters? Ours or God's?
If I sound preachy, slap me. I've just crossed over from a mindset that wasn't free, and I am dancing on the other side.
Gerbmom - I am so sorry that you were hurt. I know what that is like. One of my very closest friends did the same thing a couple of years ago. For nearly a year, we really had no contact or friendship to speak of. I decided to give all of my relationships, their outcomes, and the job of protecting myself, all to God... I started "telling on" people to God, like a child would tell a parent, when I was wronged and hurt, and let him take care of it. Some, like the friend I mentioned, came back. Others did not, and I figure I am better off. In the long run, God brought amazing people into our lives - some for a reason, some for a season and some for a lifetime. I messed up some at first, getting them mixed up, but God sorts it all out.
You are precious. Please don't allow the hurts and risks to cause you to withdraw. Those very hurts are signs of life. I think others sometimes can't handle transparency - they go with us as far as they can, and then they are done. To go any farther, they would have to expose and risk more than they are willing to. It is in no way a reflection of you. I am praying for a special friend or two to come along side you and be the lifetime kind of friend - nit together with you at the heart, and I am also praying for comfort and peace and healing for your heart.
Namaste -
J/
Brett -
You aren't being preachy at all. I can hear your heart coming through loud and clear. Thanks so much for your comments.
J/
ah- excellent posting and one that totally makes you go HUMMMMMM.
i think to be REAL is so much better than PLASTIC...although a little booby lift or wrinkle shrinker doesn't hurt...LOL
i am totally dig n this post and dig n your knowledge of who you are and LUV n IT...and LUV n that other LUV it...and LUV n that you LUV it....das what im talk n bout!
hooRAH! that just ROCKS!
;-) a-licious xoxox
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