Scream! Another Day in Paradise! You Learn, etc.

Well, folks, this isn't gonna be a warm and fuzzy Christmas post. If that bothers you, STOP READING NOW. I mean it. Really. This is gonna be off, and I know it, so deal with it.

I guess, if I have learned anything at all from the suffering and difficulties we have experienced over the past 5 years, it's that life isn't really life unless you live it. You can spend your whole life trying to protect yourself or others, you can spend so much time and energy without ever risking... and without really living. What is the use in going through the motions with fake relationships, fake friends, fake identity, fake compassion, fake love... it's all worth about as much as a bag of manure.

I'd rather have a handful of true relationships - a handful of those who care for us, and for whom we care - than to be surrounded by a bunch of people "faking it". I don't have any fake left... I don't have the energy to put up a persona... our lives are hard, and I can't sugar coat it or gloss over it just to try to help someone else feel better about it.

God is good, but life can be a bitch. One friend recently died suddenly of a blood clot - much too young. Another is currently dealing with another bout with cancer. Yet another recently lost a very special dad, and has a mom who is sick, and another is overwhelmed by very difficult circumstances. Here we all are - going through a bunch of stuff, and at times, to be honest, I cry out "Where are You, God!?! I mean, it can't be that hard for You... so is it that you arent' there? or that you are there, but aren't doing anything? Do you care?" Yeah, I know - so don't give me "sunday school answers" and religious "feedback". That crap only works when you haven't walked through much. And yes, my questions and frustrations come and go - and YES, I do know God exists and that He loves us... but some days, it still is really difficult.

But I refuse - I mean completely refuse - to lie down and just be overcome or to become stagnant or fake. I am gonna live. I was made to live and made to overcome, so I will. The end may not be in sight, but I know it's there, and I know the friends I have are real, and that those relationships will endure. I am still pissed, though.... maybe I will have a happy little post sometime soon.... Perhaps that's why I don't feel much like blogging lately, but I still like listening to Alanis and a few others - and I did get an iPod Classic 80 (video) for Christmas, so I can take her with me.. LOL

J/

You Learn (by Alanis Morissette )

I recommend getting your heart trampled on to anyone
I recommend walking around naked in your living room
Swallow it down (what a jagged little pill)
It feels so good (swimming in your stomach)
Wait until the dust settles

You live you learn
You love you learn
You cry you learn
You lose you learn
You bleed you learn
You scream you learn

I recommend biting off more then you can chew
to anyone I certainly do
I recommend sticking your foot in your mouth
at any time feel free
Throw it down (the caution blocks you from the wind)
Hold it up (to the rays)
You wait and see when the smoke clears

You live you learn
You love you learn
You cry you learn
You lose you learn
You bleed you learn
You scream you learn

Wear it out (the way a three-year-old would do)
Melt it down (you're gonna have to eventually anyway)
The fire trucks are coming up around the bend

You live you learn
You love you learn
You cry you learn
You lose you learn
You bleed you learn
You scream you learn
You grieve you learn
You choke you learn
You laugh you learn
You choose you learn
You pray you learn
You ask you learn
You live you learn

There You Are

I open my eyes
and there You are
The touch of the wind on my face
The sun on my skin

I hear You in the songs of the birds
I taste You in the salt air
I breathe You in

I see You in the colors of the sea and sky
Brilliant and incomparable
I think of You
and You are as close as my breath

In this moment I wonder
How can I ever feel alone?
And yet, at times, I do

How is it that You can be so close
I know You are here always
and yet, I feel longing?
emptiness?
incomplete?

Perhaps it is that You are here
and we are playing hide and seek
You are so close, and I do not see You

Or maybe my senses have dulled
distracted by busy-ness and life
or deceived by religious lies
about You or about me

But then I realize, once again
You have been here all the time
There You are!

Even though You never left me
I have missed You so
Help me keep my eyes on You
as You hold me close for eternity....

(c) 2007, J.A.D.

Thrills, Spills and Other Adventures

"There is no terror in the bang - only in the anticipation of it"... Alfred Hitchcock

I really enjoy a good thriller - not so much the bloody horror stuff, but the real thriller...

Double Jeopardy

Kiss the Girls

Along Came a Spider

Red Eye

The Forgotten

Seven

Rear Window

Psycho

The Prestige

Fracture

The Departed

The Green Mile

Sixth Sense

The Village

Unbreakable

Fight Club

The Matrix

X-Men

Secret Window

The Game

Presumed Innocent

Needful Things

Body Double

Don't Say a Word

Hide and Seek

Sleeping With the Enemy

Enough

Twisted

Collateral

Flight Plan

Taking Lives

Richchet

The Recruit

The Hunted

The Hitcher (ok, almost over the top on that one)...

and so many more....

I love the intensity and the not knowing.... the twistier the better - not so much scenes like the one in Man On Fire where Denzel Washington cuts off the guys fingers or where he blows the other guy up - it was the suspense and shock leading up... I love movies that keep you on the edge of your seat - sure I am exhausted afterwards, but it is a real adrenaline rush, and the feeling of being so alive and so on edge and completely alert and attentive...

and it got me to thinking...

Just as much as I enjoy those thrills and shocks, I find that in my life, the fears and worries are much more damaging and exhausting than the actual events and outcomes. Same with anticipation of wanting and waiting to see an outcome... once it arrives, the suspense is gone. I enjoy the adventure of it more than the desitination, but I also feel the compressing, life-sapping exhaustion of the worries and fears sometimes, too....

How can I maximize my enjoyment of the adventure and the positive energy of that side of life, and minimize my worry of the negative things that I have worried about... What a difference it could make to focus and harness the positive energy and not give time, thought or effort to the negative. Sometimes hard to do in our current circumstances, but hey, I am gonna give it a run for the money...

Journeying on, and launching into my next adventure, and loving it!

J/

You'll always be my baby...

I don't listen to alot of country music anymore, but this song really spoke to me.... You can find a video of it at http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rDim9gD_pVA.

You'll Always Be My Baby
Artist: Sara Evans

Album: Real Fine Place

There I was ten years old

waiting in my room for him to come home

I just knew he'd be so mad

though I begged my mother not to, she told my dad.

There was no denying I let him down

but instead of being angry

he put his arms around me and said

In the sunlight or the rain, brightest nights or darkest days

I'll always feel the same way

whatever road you may be on

know your never too far gone
my love is there wherever you may be

just remember that you will always be my baby.

There I was twenty one

oh I was so ashamed of what I'd done

on a country roadparked one night

it started out so innocent

then crossed the line

there was no denying I let God down

but instead of being angry

He wrapped His arms around me and I heard

In the sunlight or the rain, brightest nights or darkest days

I'll always feel the same way

whatever road you may be on

know your never too far gone

my love is there wherever you may be

just remember that you will always be my baby - yeah.

There he is my little man

I'm sure he'll get in trouble every now and then

and I pray to god that when he does

I'll be just as understanding as my father was
oh the last thing that I want to do is let him down

so instead of being angry

I'm gonna throw my arms around him and I'll say

In the sunlight or the rain brightest nights or darkest days

I'll always feel the same way
whatever road you may be on

know you’re never too far gone

my love is there wherever you may be
just remember that you will always be my baby.

/Jeff

In Our Father's Eyes....

If we can only learn to see...

In Our Father's Eyes

My Life

Seemingly Invisible

Mostly Complicated

Often Feeling Insignificant

And Yet

Knowing Somehow

Deep Inside

I Am Much More

Clearly Now

Becoming Aware

Truly Made

For His Good Pleasure

For Me

All About

My Heavenly Father

Who Loves Me So

For Him

All About Me

He Tells Me

I Am His Favorite

Love Is The Depth of Acceptance

Peace Is The Depth of Abundance

Joy Is The Depth of Freedom

And In Him, I Find Myself

Complete & Whole

Without Blemish

Without Need

No Longer Judged or Needing to Judge

I Spot Him In You

Such Love In Your Eyes

You, As I,

Have Our Father's Eyes

J/ (C) 2007

* Picture above is a picture from the Hubbel telesope, and named the "Eye of God" Nebula...

In Daddy's Arms

In Daddy's Arms

How long, Lord?

How long must this continue?

How long must I feel this way? So alone, so pressed...

How long must I endure? Such sorrow, such hopelessness...

A little longer?

But, how much longer?

Rest? How can I...

Oh, You will carry me?

Hold me in Your arms, Daddy, close to Your heart

Let my head rest on Your breast

That I may hear the beat of Your heart

And move in rhythm to Your Spirit

So safe

So secure, in Your arms

Such warmth

Such love, I am transformed!

Swing me, Daddy!

Do it again!

Whirl me around in Your arms of Love

I feel like I am flying - flying in Your Love

So far above my worries and fears

High in the air

Out of reach of all that seek to harm me

Or drag me back down

My whole heart trusts You

We are one at the heart

You have given Your heart to me

And I am Yours

Fly me again, Daddy

In Your strong, loving arms

How I need this time with You

I want to be just like You

J/ (C) 2007

Early Morning Reflections

Early Morning Reflections

3A.M.

Awake and Semi-conscious

Pondering and exploring

The depth, height, bredth of Your love for me

In the moonlight, I run to You

With open arms and heart full of love

None other can satisfy

The longing in my heart only for You

In Your eyes, pools of pure passion

Absent of all selfishness

Only true and holy desire

For me to come to You, to be with You

Each day bringing me closer

To the bridge so many have already crossed

Which will leave my body absent

And will leave me present with You

So much pain around me

Sometimes in me as well

So much suffering and loss

And yet, as long as I have You, I lack nothing

So strange to have lost so much and yet to have all I need

You tend my every need, and often my desires

You and I, forever, unchangeably one

Gratitude floods my heart and soul

In a crowd sometimes alone - Yet never truly alone

I hear Your voice, I feel Your touch

I know You are there, closer than my breath

Desiring me and loving me so much more than my mind can comprehend

I run to You, leaving it all behind

Worries, pain, trouble - now far behind

My eyes locked on You - Only You

And I behold You, as if for the first time

You welcome me with open arms and open heart

You hold me and tell me how You have missed me

And oh! Have I missed you!

You bid me come to stay with You, and I am overjoyed

Waves of joy and love wash over me

Taking away all but what You have placed in me

Healing the deep wounds

And leaving me with fullness instead

Deep within the heart of Your palm

I rest in the safety of knowing

No enemy dare follow me there in Your hand

For I am securely Yours

And now, as I close my eyes once again

Resting in the comfort of knowing

I have only touched the hem of Your presence

Yet one day, I will behold You in fullness

J/ (c) 2007

The Circle of My Reflection

The Circle of My Reflection

Awake

So much to do

Schedule full

Remember to breathe

Slowly now

Set priorities
Slow my heart rate

Speak deliberately

Love extravagantly

Reach out diligently

Remember to dream

Deep

Intimate

Genuine

Beloved

Accepted

True

Special in my own way

Accepted in every way

Loved beyond measure

Know myself

Wind down

Return to base

Take it all in

Breathe slowly

Lie down

Read and laugh

Breathe deeply

Kiss goodnight

Let go

Reflect

Rest

J/ (c) 2007

Seeing God.... Beyond the Lies

These three poems mean alot to me. They are by Meister Eckhart (1260-1328), and are part of the treasure he left behind. Perhaps he can help us see our Lord more clearly, beyond the lies we are told and have believed about Him....

It is a Lie

It is a lie - any talk of God

that does not

comfort

you.

He Told Me a Joke

My Lord told me a joke.

And seeing Him laugh has done more for me

than any scripture I will

ever read.

An Image That Makes Them Sad

How long will grown men and women in this world

keep drawing in their coloring books

an image of God that

makes them

sad?

May we see Him more clearly, love Him more truly, experience Him more deeply....

and ENJOY HIM ENJOYING US...

J.

Lousy At Math

a Poem by Hafiz, translated by Daniel Ladinsky... excerpted from "Love Poems from God"...

Lousy At Math

Once a group of thieves stole a rare diamond

larger than two goose eggs.

Its value could have easily bought three thousand horses

and three thousand acres of the most

fertile land in Shiraz.

The thieves got drunk that night to celegrate their great haul,

but during the course of the evening the effects of the liquir,

and their mistrust of each other grew to such an extent

they decided to divide the stone into pieces.

Of course, then the Priceless became lost.

Most everyone is lousy at math and does that to God -

dissects the Indivisible One,

by thinking, by saying,

"This is my Beloved, and he looks like this and acts like that,

how could that moron over there

really

be

God?"

So sad to me when the body of believers does that... dividing God into what they accept and do not accept, arguing over this or that characteristic or quality or ability or nature... or God's acceptance or rejection of another... Perhaps we are best off leaving all of that in God's hands to know and divide, for it is my belief that people SUCK at it....

Jeff

ENERGY/ATTITUDE MATRIX




This was an interesting self-evaluation tool for me today. I would love to tell you that I am always in the "most effective" box, but THAT WOULD BE A BIG OLE FAT LIE. Sooooo.....

I didn't see a SELF-DECEPTION box either, so I guess I have to settle somewhere into fluctuating between Too Busy/Stressed, Jaded, Bitter/Angry & Most Effective, probably in that order, too.

So, if ya dare, where are you? Aw c'mon....
Jeff

Well, he did it again... Ras is reading my mail...

WHAT THE LORD IS SAYING TODAY - Ras Robinson

Proper time.

You have heard clearly what to do. And now I am telling you this is the right and proper time to act. Your heart has become wise in that you now listen to My voice. Stop listening to the voices within you that stir up fear and all sorts of emotional distractions.

Too many counselors only lead to confusion. Listen the Lord your God. In the way, you cannot go wrong. You now have the proper time and I will show you the proper procedure. It will be obvious to you. Do not be distracted by the troubling that is heavy upon you. Rise to your feet and do the right thing, now.

Proper time.

Ecclesiastes 8:4 "He who keeps a royal command experiences no trouble , for a wise heart knows the proper time and procedure. For there is a proper time and procedure for every delight, though a man's trouble is heavy upon him."

www.madchurchdisease.com

click on logo to visit the site...
if you have seen it before, sorry, but it was very interesting to me...
check out the topic, surveys and links... but warning, if you are really into church and defending it as it is today, you will probably not like it, so STOP READING HERE.

Mad Church Disease -
I am glad I no longer suffer from it... and I feel for those who still do.

Wow... this is a very insightful and tremendous project. I related to the logo - 'Beat Up. Burned Out.' At the point where we left church, I really felt that way. We weren't angry, we weren't hurt... well, ok, we were hurt, but we have since been healed and are no longer hurt.

We have been gone for 3 years now. For some time now, when I drive by the church we used to attend, I feel nothing at all - not anger, not hurt, not numb, just NOTHING. It has really become completely foreign and irrelevant to my life, which is surprising, considering I spent most of my 38 years in one church or another, with it being such a huge part of my life. I was in so many different lay-leadership, volunteer positions, outreach and ministry positions, and was also a deacon. I saw the best and the worst at different times, but one thing that broke my heart was when the best was squelched and killed by controlling leadership.

Since leaving, one thing that has changed significantly is my heart... specifically, how my love for Christ, relationships in my life, and my acceptance and love for others (espcially those I don't agree with), has continued to grow by leaps and bounds. Being able to be free to love and not judge has been a tremendous gift. Our children have quickly adapted away from the legalism and 'religious' mindsets, and have developed so much compassion and love for people. Our giving since that time has been directed into the lives of those in need that God reveals to us. Most recently, we also are receiving help from others, as the financial burdens of my wife's illness have been staggering, and the Lord has prompted them to help. What a blessing to be so cared for and prayed for - prayer with action.

Honestly, between the weekly verbal battering over the demand for giving more and more (we were giving 23% at that time, by the way), and the guilt trips over every missed services, we felt that what God had been speaking to us was so very different from the church's message, that the church's message had become irrelevant. Seemed to me that the church system as we knew it was completely 'mad'. Probably not what they meant by Mad Church, but anyway...

From all appearances, it had become little more than a combination between a country club and a reptilian (think of a crocodile) corporate entity - abusive to employees and members alike. The leadership seemed to be filled with building their own legacy and kingdom than God's, and it seemed they saw themselves as accountable and answerable to nobody. Even in the face of questions and several mass-exoduses, it did not change or alter their approach or attitudes, except perhaps to demonstrate even more dictatorial and harsh behavior. The promises that were made 'on behalf of God' were always 'right around the corner', but never arrived, year after year. It wasn't for lack of believing... but hope deferred made the heart sick. It got to where I couldn't even attend a service without being nauseated.

Also, knowing every staff member personally, the consistent message and expectation of staff members and lay leaders was that church ministry was more important than family. Although never spoken in this way, the implication was clear. I have since come to realize that all of the busyness, programs, and such, take away from our time to really get to know each other, to develop deep and lasting 'keeping' relationships, and pull us away from having this development time with friends and family. All the while, our family was going through so much with family illness, and while the church was aware, and we let our needs and situations be known, we were pretty much completely ignored. I believe in prayer, but when it is accompanied by judgement or gossip, rather than assistance, I think it has no real value. Real prayer and real love mean real concern, real reaching out, and often, real action.

Since leaving, we have had much more time available to develop relationships. We now know many more of our neighbors, and have developed true, transparent, deep relationships with some. In these relationships, rather than church, we have found the truest definitions of fellowship, ministry, relationship, depth, having things in common (sharing what we have as each one needs), and in the development and raising of our children. We have been cared for by both those who attend church and those who don't - some believers, some not. God told us at the start that He would meet our needs in 'a most unusual way', and He has. I am more in love with Him now than ever. He has been everything to me during the darkest of days, as well as the brightest, and has never left us.

Don't get me wrong - I am not 'against' church. I am just 'for' relationships of depth and meaning - both with God and with people. Many people we love are still in church. We aren't trying to pull them out. We just know that until we see gatherings that are really centered around caring for one another and loving God, hearing His voice and ministering to people, without the hierarchy, the 'system' and the controlling leadership, we aren't really interested, and it will not be a part of our lives.

Another thing that impressed me about the site link above was the depth and rawness of the survey questions on the website (www.madchurchdisease.com). The questions hit at real issues that exist, which are often ignored or even buried in most church settings. Church should be a place to heal, learn, prepare, and then be launched out into the world, and should be a safe place to open up, sharing needs and hurts - but the truth is, most, nearly all, are NOT safe. Sharing an issue that is one of the 'bad' ones can cost you your reputation, position, job (if you work for the church), relationships... it can be devastating, to be sure.

When we get real, and develop real relationships, they can be life-transforming. They can also carry us through the most difficult times of our lives. I am so thankful for those who have come along beside us and held us together when our circumstances were tearing us completely apart. You guys know who you are....

J.

This guy seems to hit right where I am at alot of the time... did it again today... great note of encouragement to me where I am today.

FULLNESS ON LINE WHAT THE LORD IS SAYING TODAY - June 28, 2007 Ras RobinsonJun 28 2007 07:10AM

Never. You have considered giving up on your vision. Discouragement has crept into your thinking and emotions. The road has become more difficult to travel. Roadblock after roadblock has hindered your progress. Constant prayer now will yield great rewards.

Giving up is never an option for you. You must never give up on Me, yourself or your mission in life. You are a person of great destiny. I have chosen you for this hour. A lesser person could never do what you have done nor could they ever do what you must do. Now, stand to your feet and let us get moving.

When do you give up? Never.

Luke 18:1 "One day Jesus told his disciples a story to illustrate their need for constant prayer and to show them that they must never give up."

Link is on the left - RAS ROBINSON - What the Lord is Saying Today... to subscribe or to just read it when you want... new posts daily.

J.

....made me who I am....

The man I am today has been influenced and changed by the sum of my experiences. Certainly, God designed me a certain way, and I an uniquely made, but my experiences have formed and shaped me in certain specific ways.

At times, joyful, odd and unusual experiences have contributed to my sense of humor and my warped way of viewing the world.

At other times, suffering and sadness have formed in me a tenderness and compassion. Hope deferred has made my heart sick, and heart-sickness has contributed to my earnest desire to know God more fully, and to hear His heart more clearly.

While much of my life has been filled with pain, stress, worry, frustration and other things many might view as negative, I don't see it that way at all... I have come to believe it's much less about what happens to you, and more about what you choose to do with it. I have found that I can turn to anger and bitterness, but it ultimately brings more pain and suffering - if not to me, then certainly to those in my life... or I can turn to a quiet, inward and still place, where I find grace, compassion and patience from the Lord, which helps me to endure and overcome my circumstances.

I am not a person of regret. I generally make decisions, live with the outcomes and go on, never looking back. Lately, however, I have been very reflective in my thinking. Not that I regret, but I wonder how I got to where I am and who I am today. There are many things about my circumstances that are difficult and painful, and they are not of my own doing. I did not choose this, but I find myself evaluating how I got here and how I feel about it. In some ways, I am uneasy with my circumstances. I have good times and bad times, and I deal with them the best I can. But I have come to some conclusions...

First, through my experiences, I have come to understand and know myself. This has been a precious gift into my life. Second, I have come to know God, which is beyond measure and worth. Third, I have come to understand what is important to me, and why. And fourth, I have come to realize that the first three realizations are a direct result of the path I have walked.

So, although I have endured the pain, often nearly overwhelming me, and although I have hurt more deeply than I though possible and still survive, and although I have been so deeply disappointed by hope deferred, and although I have felt abandoned and discarded, judged and rejected, and although I have despised much of my experience - I must acknowledge my thanks and appreciation for what all of this has produced in my life. Rather than it producing something very negative and descructive, it has produced something very positive and lasting, building and restoring, peaceful and loving and kind.

So I reflect today, and although I am a work in progress, I see the hand of the Lord and the shape I have been formed and conformed to, and I am thankful. My experiences have made me the man that I am...

Jeff

How to Save a Life

I've thought alot over the past 18 years about a friend from high-school, Bill, who was 17 years old back then. I had graduated and moved on to college, and had had no idea at the time what he was going through. It was so similar to what I had gone through myself. But his situation ended in tragedy, as he was alone one evening.

His parents were out for the evening, and he was home alone. He called a mutual friend, asking if they could go hang out, but the friend was sick, and didn't feel up to getting out. The friend offered that if he needed anything, he would come anyway, but Bill assured him it was ok.

A few hours later, Bill was dead. He had shot himself with a rifle, severing his spine, and slowly bled to death. All of us were completely devastated. We really had no idea, especially those of us who had graduated and moved on...

But Bill had written a paper earlier that year for an English class. It was entitled "The Curse of Being Popular". Bill was president of the senior class. He was a "straight-A" student. He was well liked and had many friends. His paper was about how you never know, when you are popular, whether people are around you because they are really your friends, or because they want to be popular by association. He went on to say that it is strange that you can be in a group of people, or even be surrounded by people, and still be completely alone. I learned about Bill's paper at the funeral. Many were very deeply affected. I was one.

I have thought many things over the years - about how I could have ended up the same way. About how many times God had intervened in my life. About how He sent so many people into my life just for the express purpose of helping me go on through the most difficult times of my life. I think about the young man from one of my high-schools who heard God one night and drove up to where I was, in an isolated, dark place, and told me to get in the truck - that he had something to say to me - which was that God loved me and I didn't need to do what I was about to do... he knew my situation because God told him. And the yount lady who dropped by on the weekend when most everyone else had gone home from college, when I was at a very low point. She knocked on my door, came in and talked with me, hung out with me, and we got drunk together. That's all that happened, and she saved my life, though she never even knew it.

I also have thought about the people who had no idea how hurtful their words were. So many careless, judgemental, angry, hurtful words. I felt so much pain back then. I thought I wanted to die. But there was so much more for me... all I needed was a glimpse of it.

I think about things like all I would have missed. I think about my beautiful, sweet wife, and the relationship we have. I think about our friends, that have been so faithful and loving through the current difficulty we are going through with Kim's health. I think about the two wonderful sons we have that would have never been born. I think about the love I have both given and received. I am so blessed. I am so very well cared for. What a blessing to know how much God loves me, how my wife loves me, how my children love me, and my friends love me. I am rich because of their love, and I love each of them dearly. Most of all, what a blessing to know that God not only loves me, but that He accepts me, and that I am dear to Him, and special to Him, and that He carries me through the most difficult days, even back when I thought I didn't want to get through them. He knew better. He knew and still knows best. What a joy to turn over the problems, the anger and frustrations, and the control and worry to Him.

I hear the song below by the Fray pretty often. It is one of the songs that helps me remember and reflect on all of this above, and I am so thankful. Why were people there for me, but it didn't work that way for Bill? Why have so many I have known died young, and I live? Why did Lyn get Leukemia and die? Why did Chip die of Hodgkin's disease? Why did Rob die of cancer? Why is Kim sick now?

I don't understand why things happen the way they do, but I do know there is One who loves us all. I know that He loves us very dearly, and as I have had children, I understand that even more, perhaps. He says, "I know the plans I have for you - to prosper you and not to harm you, to give you a future and a hope...", but why are some of those hopes aborted or missed out on? I don't know. And I don't know how many days I have on this earth, but I do know that I am loved. And I do know that life isn't about how many things I can accumulate, and that my worth doesn't come from things. I know who I am now, and would not exchange that for anything in the world.

Sometimes, we affect so many around us without even knowing it. Sometimes, we are the positive force that moves others to healing, or to growth.... sometimes, we are the negative force that can bring damage or loss. Other times, we are the catalyst that brings others to a point of decision.... and I believe much of this goes on without our awareness, unless we are keenly paying attention to others. How many people have I passed today or even talked with today? How many of those are facing difficulty or experiencing suffering or pain? Do I even care?

I have decided that I do care. I made the decision that I want to see things for what they really are, and to love people unconditionally. I don't want the rosie picture, and the fake friends, and the house full of junk I don't really need anyway. I want to invest into the lives of those around me, and to love them, whatever that means. Thankfully, I am blessed to have those in my life who also pour into me in this way.

Fray
How To Save A Life

Step one you say we need to talk
He walks you say sit down it's just a talk
He smiles politely back at you
You stare politely right on through
Some sort of window to your right
As he goes left and you stay right
Between the lines of fear and blame
And you begin to wonder why you came

Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life

Let him know that you know best
Cause after all you do know best
Try to slip past his defense
Without granting innocence
Lay down a list of what is wrong
The things you've told him all along
Pray to God he hears you
And I pray to God he hears you

Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life

As he begins to raise his voice
You lower yours and grant him one last choice
Drive until you lose the road
Or break with the ones you've followed
He will do one of two things
He will admit to everything
Or he'll say he's just not the same
And you'll begin to wonder why you came

Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life

Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life
How to save a life
How to save a life

Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life

Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life
How to save a life

If you are reading this post from my heart, and you are feeling down, alone or like it isn't worth it to go on, please - I beg you - please, press on through. There are so many whose life you touch. There is One who loves you more than you can imagine. There is a very unique life ahead that only YOU can live. Please don't abort the hope within you, or allow yourself to be sabotaged into believing it isn't worth it. My life is very hard even now - Kim has been fully disabled for several years now, and she struggles with not only pain and weakness, but also with the heartache of missing out on so many things. But we both know FOR SURE that we want to live to the fullest extent we are capable, and to enjoy our lives and those around us, no matter what. And so can you....

Much love and peace and grace to each of you -
GOTEEMAN

Important to Know - Reason, Season or Lifetime

(My closest and most special LIFETIME relationship)


I recieved part of this recently, and I thought this was worth posting - it's a critical thing to understand - if we aren't aware or misunderstand these in our lives, it can really be painful, difficult, or even lead to catastrophic results. If we are not aware, we may give priority and place to the "wrong" relationships, and ignore, damage and even lose the most important relationships of our lives.

People come into our lives for a reason, a season or a lifetime. When you know which one it is, you will know what to do for that person. When someone is in your life for a REASON, it is usually to meet a need. You or they have come to assist through a difficulty, to provide encouragement, guidance and support, to aid physically, emotionally or spiritually. They may seem like a godsend - and they are. They are there for the reason you need them to be. Then, without any wrongdoing on your part or at an inconvenient time, this person will say or do something to bring the relationship to an end. Sometimes they die. Sometimes they walk away. Sometimes they act up and force you to take a stand. What we must realize is that the need has been met, the desire fulfilled, the work is done, and now it is time to move on.

Some people come into your life for a SEASON, because your turn has come to share, grow or learn. They bring you an experience of peace or make you laugh. They may teach you something you have never done before. They usually give you an unbelievable amount of joy. Believe it, it is real. But only for a season, and once the season is over, it is time to move on again.

LIFETIME relationships teach you lifetime lessons, things you must build upon in order to have a solid emotional foundation. Your job is to accept the lesson, love the person and put what you have learned to use in all other relationships and areas of your life. It is said that love is blind but friendship is clairvoyant. You grow together for a lifetime, and share deeply. This type of relationship is lifelong and lasting, and if we value it, can be a great treasure.

Thank you for being a part of my life, whether you were/are a reason, a season or a lifetime relationship.

Jeff